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How did Gay Guys know they're gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by kellynec, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. kellynec

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    Have you guys always "felt gay"? Have you EVER had serious sexual attractions to women, to the extent that you wished you could have sex with them?

    Sorry if this stupid but I want to find out WTF I am. I've questioned this for years.
     
  2. DarrenB

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    I've never desired to have sex with a girl I've met. I think their faces, bodies, etc. are very pretty, and I can enjoy looking at them aesthetically, but I've never met a girl and wanted to sleep with her.

    As for "feeling gay," my whole life I've always felt an incredibly deep, emotional connection/attraction to men, and an emotional disconnect to women. When trying to imagine a life with a woman, what my brain came back with was "living with a best friend whom I slept with on occasion." The problem was, I could never imagine getting along with a girl, as much as a guy. But I assumed my attraction to men was simply because I could naturally relate better to my own gender. Due to societal conditioning, I didn't realize that what I felt towards men was love, until a year ago.
     
  3. nohalos

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    Same here. The thing is, I've always found girls pretty, or hot (like, "Oh, she's hot" and then you're like bye), but not to the point that I felt sexually attracted to them.

    I've always "felt gay", I guess. I remember when I was about 5 and it was my sister and I's bedtime (we slept on the same bed) and I argued with myself on who's hotter between Jackie Chan and Jet Li. My sister totally thought I was dreaming about action films. :roflmao:

    But yeah, I kind of always knew I wasn't going a straight path, but I've denied it to myself until I managed to come out to myself when I was 13.
     
  4. maybgayguy

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    I have had crushes on women and find them attractive. I also struggle with my sexuality and was able to marry a woman. However, I find that most of my fantasies are about being with another man (sexually and romantically). I have also started to open up to myself about my attraction to men and I am really seeing a lot more hot guys than I did in the past. I needed to let myself be ok with that attraction.
     
  5. jwes

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    I also was able to marry a woman, while deeply repressing my gay attractions. Once I accepted being gay everything about men started to turn me on. A whole different part of me began to come to the surface and I started to feel so much better both physically and emotionally.
     
  6. DylanV14

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    I knew because I am attracted to guys and well yeah I'll say a girl is hot or pretty but I only have friendship on the brain with girls but yeah I'm gay not blind I'll compliment a girls appearance
     
  7. kellynec

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    Guys please help me

    So until 4 years ago, from the age of 8 to the age of 14, I had always felt a very, very strong sexual attraction to girls and women, to the extent that I wanted to have sex with every second chick on the streets.

    I had been a porn addict. Every day I would need to masturbate at least 5 times, but sometimes even 10 times a day. I had watched from the age of 8 to 14, I think, at least 1000 porn videos/scenes, of which the majority of them was lesbian because the sight of a naked guy totally turned me off, all I felt was, when I saw a naked guy, "yuck I'm outta here"...

    4 years ago, one day I wondered what it would be like to have gay sex. Then the thought disappeared. The next time I watched YouTube striptease, I didn't get an erection. I was like, what the fuck? This caused me great mental disruption.

    I started having feelings for guys. I've had gay desires, once had a gay dream, I've been able to get turned on by mental images of gay sex.

    Whenever I try to imagine a girl, for some reason, I image her with male genitalia. I don't know why. Ever since I've been playing with the idea whether I still have some feelings or sexual attraction left for girls. I don't know.

    What do you think all of this is? I know it's hard to tell, but I definitely want to be at least bi. There's nothing wrong with gay but I just can't believe I'm gay???
     
  8. 404dotexe

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    We are all as confused as you are, just relax and go with the flow -hugs you a little- "youre be OK!"
     
  9. Cesar123

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    @Kellynec, if you are being completely honest with yourself and us than you are not gay. In my opinion I believe you are kinda flirting with the idea and trying to manifest it into reality. You might be stressing yourself with this which is causing your weird dreams and behavior. Take a breath, relax, and stop stressing over it. If it real, than you are a bisexual, and if it phases out of you - it was most likely stressed and anxiety induced.
     
  10. guitar

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    kellynec, it's really hard to say what you are. You could be romantically attracted to men, but not necessarily physically attracted to men. That's sort of how I am with women.

    As for your story, I was in a similar situation in my own life: From 14-20 or so, I had sex with women was fairly attracted to them, but thoughts of guys would always enter my head as well, which for a while I simply ignored/repressed. But as I started really dating and having relationships, I would talk with friends about how their girlfriends made them feel and it was over time I began to realize I was staring at guys and thinking abouy guys when I would be with girls. Over time, it began to become too much and I had to seriously question what I was attracted to and who I felt a real emotional connection with.

    Talking with gay friends, paying attention to what aroused me in porn, etc. helped me to finally figure out what I was really feeling. It might be worthwhile to talk with a gay friend (if you know any), seek out a councilor or therapist, or even visit an LGBT group (such as one at college). After years of questioning and talking to people, I was fairly certain I was gay (or perhaps a Kinsey 5). Kissing (and other things) with guys only cemented my feelings and proved that I was indeed gay. It felt so right, when something had always felt "off" when I was with women.

    It may take you another couple of years to figure out exactly what your sexuality is. And your sexuality can always shift. There are days when I'm 100% gay and won't so much as give a girl a second look. On other days, depending on how I'm feeling, I'll see a good looking girl and think "man, she looks hot." Sexuality is not a fixed thing for a lot of people. Some people are exclusively straight or gay, and have never had thoughts for anything else. A lot of other people float somewhere between gay and straight. Maybe guys turn you on a bit, but not enough to want to actually "get with" one? Or maybe you still haven't come to terms with your homosexuality. Or perhaps you're bi. There are a lot of possibilities.

    I would look into the Kinsey scale / test. It will he;p you understand your feelings a bit better.
     
  11. sartorious

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    arfffff
    this is one interesting topic for me,

    i didnt know anything about sex until i was 12, it was on a annual pop up sex education in my junior high school and they taught us that sex means the men's boner take a visit to woman's lady part. I was 13 when another annual pop up sex ed that they brought a topic about safe sex, STD and LGBT stuffs since then i found myself questioning where is my place in this "sexual" stuff, i know deep down i'm different but how different and why do i feel that way is still a big question mark. it took me a year which include an untold crush to senior that convince me i'm a man and i like man in more than just a friend way.

    I hit my puberty around mid 14 and when the guys talking about their first nocturnal ejaculation that they dreams was about making out and doing the deed with a girl, mine was doing the deed with another men. and yes i lied and pretend mine was with a girl due to extremely homophobic environment in my country. after that i fully accept that i am gay.

    since Junior high to pre med i got few crushes to a guy but never with a girl, porn is sort of helping but getting caught having and the consequences afterward was definitely not helping.

    my closest thing to experimenting was in a non sexual way. it was in pre med elective program, i took 6 weeks of OB/GYN and 12 weeks of sport medicine. on OB/GYN i found that lady part really gross me out and not attractive at all (no offense intended, its just my personal opinion) even when i got to exam a healthy 18 y/o girl for some sort of reason. everyday all i have in my mind is i just want that this 1st elective cycle come to an end ASAP. On sport med, we have to pick 1 study subject every 2 week with total 4 subject. i took a body builder (really hot, low body fat, cute but still manly face, perfectly toned muscle not the bulky one, nice "package" size) for the entire 2 weeks i just admiring his hot body, just taking samples, measuring his body (giving an innocent touch) and sometimes "accidentally" rub his crotch. its just give me a buzz that i cant even explain. for the rest of the elective i got a swimmer (also a cute guys with another different but hot body i also did the "thing" the same way to my 1st subject), an office worker that try to improve his physique (handsome guy with average body type, same "thing") and a female runner (initially i got a super hunky male track and field athlete but my friend ask me to switch subject, don't know the reason but i have to maintain my "straight" image so i did it anyway, now I'm kind of regretting it).

    from the not sexual experiment, i conclude that i can't like girls in sexual way but i can with a guy (hell... just by touching the pecs and arms i feel that my boner start to loading itself) not just with hot guys with muscular body, even with the average sized handsome guy i also get the vibe but not as intense. (when people say don't judge a book by its cover i get that but at that time i can only admire the cover and not the content so i'll take it anyway)

    from your second post i get a feeling that you are in denial... Maybe you are gay? me be you are bi? or may be gender fluid? i dont know, we dont know, but only you know what happen to yourself and you have to decide it your own. Experiment a little, it wont hurt anybody anyway

    there are no definite timeframe from when you start questioning to when the question end and when will you start to accept yourself. it will take as long as it have to. dont force yourself rushing to conclusion, one day you just will feel right about who you are and say "this is me, this is who i am and i accept that" and it feels really good, at least for me it was.
     
    #11 sartorious, Apr 18, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2015
  12. whatdoIneed

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    Its really a question of trying to be honest with yourself. I'm 47 and just accepted the fact I'm gay a year or so ago. However, looking back I realized I've known (or should have known) since I was a teenager. I'd notice a girl was pretty, but never would really be attracted to them. I noticed good looking guys and (subconsciously) was more interested in them. Put it this way- if I was at a pool party I'd be noticing the shirtless guys more than the girls in bikinis. Again- I managed to push this all aside and convince myself I wasn't gay (and had all kinds of reasons for the fact I never dated), but at some level, I knew.

    I finally figured it put when someone tried to set me up with a female friend of theirs- I realized I always mentally freaked when this issue came up- and finally realized it was because it forced me to deal with something I was trying to deny. Once I "listened to myself"- I knew and accepted it.
     
  13. Justinian20

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    For me I was bit late accepting myself at 20, but I have somewhat always known I noticed guys a lot more than women, like when I saw a guy who I felt was really hot. Like I noticed they were hot guys. I did notice women but it wasn't as intense as it was for guys. Like women I just though oh there she goes and then with men I actually followed them with my eyes and watched them(stared at them and their bodies because by god they were sexy and cute boys). Now that I can see those things I actually saw that I had my own way of looking at my self, at first I accepted I was a weird guy(mostly female friends, I was out there and flamboyant, I really liked doing stuff that all the other girls did except for home economics because I did a subject I sucked at instead just cause of all the boys doing that.

    That pretty much said a bit to how people saw me because I really pretended to be someone I wasn't, by trying to do manly subjects which had the appeal of sticking a drill into my head. I do admit a little bit of IT especially the last assessment appealed to me. But the one that appealed to me was Drama(every class was dominated by females, let's say four guys to 25 girls) So typically feminine, in that way I felt weird. I was never attracted by girls and after being rejected by a boy who I was attracted to, I changed to asexual to be safer and I forced myself to not be sexual, but now I have finally accepted I was gay all along as so many of these things pointed to that and I see it now.
     
  14. QueerTransEnby

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    There are some guys that are sexually fluid. It makes it hard to be in a monogamous relationship, but you need to be honest IF(and I mean IF) you have dual attraction. There is nothing wrong with that.
     
  15. EpicConfusion

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    There was a time when I considered myself straight. I " dated" a few girls in middleschool and one in highschool. I technically considered myself bisexual or bicurious for many years, but my same-sex attraction had always been in the back of my mind as long as I could remember and I never thought I would act on it.

    I used to masturbate to fantasies where I was receiving anal sex from a guy while my girlfriend at the time watched. I was actually going to tell her I was bisexual but she broke up with me before I did. Around this time I also befriended a gay coworker and developed an intense crush on him. I was newly free, and I decided now was as good a time as any to mentally address my homosexual desires. So I thought and thought, and I decided that I was not really interested in women sexually or romantically anymore. I don't know I ever really was; perhaps I only invented feelings that I thought were supposed to come natural to me.

    I do find women very attractive still, I envy their beauty, but I have no desire to have sexual relations with women.
     
  16. Jax12

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    See this is why I would very much want to identify as gay, because I would go through these stages of denial/suppression like all of you described, which is something that I could relate to. I know im attracted to guys, the problem is where do I fit in...
     
  17. DarrenB

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    For me it took a long time to finally come to the conclusion that my attraction towards guys meant I was gay. Basically I just spent a long time reading the thoughts and opinions of people of different kinds of identities, and tried to understand how they all felt. Eventually I came to the conclusion that gay was the most accurate identity for me. I am technically still attracted to girls, but the feeling is so little compared to the immense feelings I have for guys, that I feel like my attraction to girls is irrelevant. I'll quite simply never be as happy with a girl as I could be with guy. To me, that makes me gay.
     
  18. Ex Ponto

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    It all started when I was 13 years old. That's when I started paying attention to guys and dreaming about them. I had dreams about girls as well, and found them attractive as well, even fell in love with few of them.

    As I got older, my sexuality come to be more clear. I was never into hetero porns, and almost always watched gay porn. Attraction to girls gradually faded, and attraction guys got stronger. However, I had not come out to myself and admitted I liked guys until last year.

    In a way, I always knew it or suspected it (felt different than other hetero guys, at least), but was able to admit it only as 22 yr old student. :grin:
     
  19. JohnX

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    I never felt some sort of sexual attraction towards women. I see women as best friend material maybe because all my friends are girls.

    On the other hand, men... [​IMG]
    The moment I had a crush on a guy, I already knew I'm gay.
     
    #19 JohnX, Apr 20, 2015
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