I've been thinking less about what my attractions mean and just letting them flow, which has allowed me to accept myself for whoever I am. However, the more I try to develop my attractions for guys (naturally of course), I find myself steering myself away from it more. It's like everything goes so well in my head but not in real life. I'm trying so hard to develop my attractions for males, but I feel that my attractions is manifested by a much larger issue: father issues. If I were to fall for a guy, I would like to think that it's because I love him and not because he's my sugar daddy. I realize that while I enjoy the intimacy with an older man (kissing/touching/etc), I do not enjoy the sex very much. I like it when I'm being cared for by an older man, and it makes it seem like I matter. I would very much rather spend time with him then the whole sexual experience. Don't get me wrong, it's great, but if feels like I'm missing something. It's more like intuition; you know something is missing. No thought is needed to realize this. I continue to look at women romantically and emotionally although the sexual attraction is not on par with guys. Thoughts? Can father issues really be resolved? Or are my attractions to older men just that, and it's just who I am? I feel like such a slut for going out and meeting guys for sex.
My reply is a bit late but I do think father issues can be resolved especially if you resolve them directly with your father. I don't know what kind of relationship the two of you have now but if you resolve it with him (and not just in your own head which might work too idk) things will probably get better. I'm not telling you to do anything idek what exactly your father has done so ofc it can be difficult to just simply forgive someone if they hurt you badly, especially if they're your parent. Why do you try to develop feelings for guys in the first place? And I can't say if your attraction to older men stems from father issues or if it's part of your sexuality but I think the best way to find out is to resolve these issues.
Yeah I find that I need to resolve the issues and then find out if it has anything to do with it at all. I think it has to do with me not really being the man I wished to see in myself.
