So, I've got a bit of conundrum. I know I like girls, but the question is what feelings do I have for men. I sometimes question myself due to sexual fantasy: for many years during masturbation, I've fantasized about a penis being inside of me, and often this thought makes it very easy for me to come. It's harder for me to come just thinking about women. But, I'm not that attracted to men much in general (knowing that of course many women have penises as well and not all men have them--but I would not be conflicted at all if I were in a relationship with a woman who had a penis because she's a woman). I was out as bisexual for a long time because when I was younger, I had crushes on guys as well as girls, although I frankly had more crushes on girls. After I came out, my attractions to men seemed to diminish almost to the point of being non-existent. Even now I don't really want to kiss a guy or touch them in a non-platonic manner or be in a relationship at all with one. The idea of being in a lifelong relationship with one just makes me scream NOOOOOO on the inside. My feelings towards women have been far more fulfilling, and I love them and want to be in a relationship with them only. I also find them far more physically attractive than men, and they do get me hot. I've had two relationships with women and I've been turned on by them quite a bit, and the sex has been satisfying. But sometimes I still fantasize about a penis being inside of me when I have sex with my girlfriend! It makes me confused all over again. I keep thinking that what if it means that I need to have sex with men in order to feel fully satisfied? I'm not sure if I'm really attracted to men in any way now as I used to be, so it's hard to answer whether or not I'm attracted to them. I could see myself maybe having sex with one just to see what it's like and to see if it's fulfilling in any way, and that's about it. I find some guys hot, but pretty much anyone can find guys hot. I can't tell whether or not it's attraction or just plain aesthetic appreciation though. I'd love to be gay, but these attractions and fantasies make me question.... and I don't really like having these either. They could just disappear and I'd be so happy. So, I'm not sure if I'm still bi or gay now.... or maybe one of those folks who's homoromantic but bisexual. Even then, I still don't want that. I just want my feelings to be about women. I do have some OCD so sometimes I question if I'm actually straight even though logically that's ridiculous, and I'm sure it plays a part in my fear. What if I have to have sex with men? What if I become attracted to one and get into a relationship with one, and then I won't get the wonderful feelings I get from being with a woman? I don't think I'm polyamorous, so that option is off the table. I'm just confused Do you all think that this is a case of me having sexual fantasies that don't line up with my sexual orientation, or a case of me being a homoromantic bisexual?
The homoromantic bisexual sounds about right... remembering your sexuality will fluctuate sometimes Throughout bisexuality, I've known sometimes when one sex has just done almost nothing for me, can't imagine being with them etc. etc. then week or so later I've planned out a future with that sex, pictured our kids/which kids we would adopt and so on and so on. I digress... point is, if you are sexually attracted in the slightest way to men or their dicks, you are by definition, bisexual. But just being bisexual doesn't mean you have to pursue men. Just like because I like chocolate ice cream only a little bit but love strawberry ice cream a lot doesn't mean I have to say I like chocolate ice cream Just let it flow. Who needs a label? Your sexuality is your own private property. Just find what works for you. You'll know what to call it eventually Peace
