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I'm just...terrified.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Figure8, Apr 19, 2015.

  1. Figure8

    Regular Member

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    So I've never paid much attention to boys. My girlfriends would fawn over shirtless celebrities with six pack abs and super defined jaws, but I never found them attractive...at all. The only reason I dated my first boyfriend was because I was pressured to. I ruined a great friendship with him by dating him, even though I never liked him that way. I thought I was Herero-romantic asexual for a while, until this girl came into my life...

    She's so beautiful, her hair is like the sun and her eyes are so blue like ice, and her lips are perfect, I just want to kiss her, I'm very attracted to her...we went to an amusement park yesterday and after four months of crying over her, I risked our friendship and casually told her I would date her. She's gay and has a girlfriend, but they're breaking up soon. It was awkward, she told me she would date me too, but we didn't really talk about it further. The thing is I just care about her so much it scares me sometimes, she understands me so well and she's such an important part of my life, what if I lose her??? I've never liked anyone this way. I can't help but think of her all the time. I've been really depressed and she helps me get out of bed in the morning, I'm actually excited about life. She's a very flirtatious person by nature and is always telling me how cute I am and is always cuddling with me and touching my hair, it means so much to me that she's my friend. I'm so embarrassed because sometimes when she's so close to me or holds my hand I get aroused but I can't help it agh...I've never felt that way with anyone, holding her hand is just amazing and ughfhghghghbgh...

    I don't know if I'll ever fall for a girl again, is this a one time thing? I notice when other girls are attractive and I think about girls sexually but I don't know if I could ever meet someone as special as her...

    I don't know about my attraction to guys...I mean I've had Romantic crushes on guys before but nothing this intense. I think I might be able to have sex with a guy but it doesn't sound that appealing. Idk I think some boys are really cute, maybe even hot sometimes, they just have interesting features. But I don't think it's ever gone beyond that. When I think of my future with a man I kind of go "meh." But when I think about a future with a girl I get excited.

    I think love stories between guys & girls are really cute and romantic, but I haven't really read any lesbian books or watched any lesbian movies so I don't know how I would react to that.

    Do I sound gay? Bisexual? It's hard to tell because a) ive never even kissed anyone and b) my antidepressants completely kill my sex drive and mess with my emotions. I also have anxiety so when I get nervous around girls, I don't know if it's a crush or if it's just social anxiety.

    Thanks for your input I'm really scared about this.
     
  2. Maxey

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    Okay so it definitely sounds like you're at least mostly gay. You mention finding some guys attractive and having small guy crushes, so it's possible you're bi with a huge preference for girls, this happens a lot, I'm the same way lol. Or you could be bisexual homoromantic, meaning being attracted to both genders sexually but only the same gender romantically, although from what you said here that seems less likely. Regardless of exactly which label fits you, it's clear that you aren't straight, and you have strong feelings for this girl. It also sounds like there's a possibility she has feelings for you as well. You mention wondering if this is a one time thing because you've never felt this way for anyone before, and just coming from personal experience I strongly doubt it. I was in a situation similar to yours about a year ago, I had never had feelings for a girl before and suddenly I was completely in love with her and I had never felt as strongly for anyone else. I was extremely confused about my feelings towards her and had no clue what they meant, but it turns out that I was discovering an entire other side to my sexuality that hadn't surfaced before. It sounds like this is the same case here, and in the future you will most likely have feelings for other girls as well.

    As for this girl specifically, you say she said she would date you, but she's in a relationship? You also say that they will break up soon. Forgive me if I'missing something here, but how can you be sure? This sounds like a complicated situation, and although there is a potential for it to work out well, it could also end in you or somebody else getting hurt, so be careful.

    Could you provide more information on this situation? With more details I would be able to give better advice.

    Best wishes!
     
  3. Figure8

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    Maxey: since she's one of my best friends, she's talked to me about how her relationship with this other girl is deteriorating quickly and they've discussed breaking it off. They just don't want to end their friendship or make things awkward. Thank you so much for your reply btw
     
  4. Jax12

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    Well if it helps, I wish I was like you and had attractions like you. To be honest, I'm terrified in being in a relationship with a woman because I'm scared I'll screw up, or maybe deep down I can't actually date girls, which doesn't exactly sound like a bad thing, nor does it seem like I'm giving up my attractions to girls.

    I think in the end of the day, it's still there.
     
  5. Maxey

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    Okay that makes more sense. In that case I would give it a little time before actually doing anything about your feelings for her, wait until the breakup is over and they've worked things out as friends, otherwise you could put her in a bad situation. Once that happens though, if say go for it! Tell her how you feel and see if she possibly feels the same way, and let labels and everything else come naturally afterwards. Best of luck! :slight_smile: