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Confused - please help!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by confusedgirl3, Apr 21, 2015.

  1. confusedgirl3

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm a 22 year old female and I've been questioning my sexuality for a few months now. I've only ever dated guys but it never really worked out. I was with my last boyfriend for a while but it the end it almost felt kind of forced so I ended it with him and haven't been with anybody else since.

    I always wondered why this was. Like I have always been kind of shy so I tried to think maybe that was the reason. When I hadn't dated anybody for a while I used to get these crazy thoughts that all my friends and family thought I was a lesbian because I didn't have an interest in anyone, nobody ever once said this to me but I think those thoughts were actually by subconscious if that makes sense? Like maybe I was trying to tell myself that this was a possibility.

    I have had a few celebrity girl crushes and thought some girls were cute over the years but never thought anything of it, but recently I've started a new job and I think I'm really crushing on this girl I work with. I have so much in common with her, she's smart, funny and really beautiful! I kind get butterflies when I see her and (I feel like a school kid all over again :icon_redf). The only problem is, she's got a boyfriend. She's been with him a while and she tells me so much about her relationship like how they argue a lot, how he's changed a lot since they first got together and she says stuff like she can't see them being together much longer...never anything good. I just keep thinking she deserves so much better than this! With some of the stuff we've spoke about like before I realised she had a boyfriend I always got the impression that she could be gay or bi.

    Anyway, I recently got a promotion at this job which meant moving into the room next to where I was originally working and not working with her and I hate that! But since getting this promotion, I've kind of been getting the feeling that maybe she likes me too. I keep catching her staring at me, like every time she walks passed she looks over at me. She texts me and says how much she misses me. It's probably just wishful thinking but just the way she acts around me I just really get the feeling that maybe she feels the same way about me?

    I'm just a mess at the moment though like coming to terms with having such strong feelings towards someone of the same sex. I always had the impression I was straight but I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about anyone before. And it's hard trying to come to terms with these feelings when I getting the impression they aren't just one sided. I'm too scared to say anything to her because I don't want to lose her as a friend like if she gets weirded out by my feelings, but I just don't know what to do...please help:help:
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Hi! Sorry to hear you're in this position. But every Yang has a Yin :slight_smile: Maybe this can bring something good? I also think it sounds like at the very least she considers you a friend and quite possibly she's romantically and/or sexually interested in you.

    As to your sexuality, I suggest a traditional approach of taking a look in your inner mirror. You could try fantasizing about girls or similar and see, do you like it? Be honest with yourself and prod your own feelings, putting some energy into it :slight_smile:

    If you've more questions, fire away! Take care, honey <3
     
  3. Ortensia

    Ortensia Guest

    Hi there. Figuring out your attractions can be a really confusing and frustrating process. The best thing to do is not to worry about fitting a label, which, by the sounds of it, you aren't obsessing over, which is good! Acknowledging you have a crush on this girl is the first step, but you might want to consider the nature of the crush and how far it goes- can you imagine being in a relationship with her? Can you imagine enjoying touching her, having sex? Does that feel natural and appealing to you, rather than forced? If the answer to all those questions is yes, you most likely aren't straight. But, of course, only you can determine that. So just be honest with yourself and as open-minded as possible; the answer should come to you.

    In terms of her potentially reciprocating your feelings, maybe you could bring up a topic like LGBTQ issues or past relationships or attractive female celebrities, and that could lead you to a discussion where she might express something about her sexuality. That could give you a clue a sc to whether or not she would be open to being in a relationship with a girl. If it turns out that she is, then perhaps you can consider taking your relationship further...IF she breaks up with that guy, anyway, which sounds likely. But I wouldn't just suddenly declare your love for her :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I would take it slowly.

    Anyway, hope that helps xxx