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I've decided on orientations twice, and now I'm questioning again

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by crystalgem, Apr 22, 2015.

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  1. crystalgem

    crystalgem
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    I identify as asexual demi- biromantic. The demi is because I've never had feelings for a guy before having a bond for a while.

    However, ever since I've accepted that I would have a relationship with a girl, I've realized that I could probably fall in love with a girl without the same conditions...just normal. So now I'm thinking just biromantic (w/o the demi) but with a preference to girls

    But, sexual orientation wise, I'm not even sure that I'm asexual anymore. I feel like I just don't like the idea of sex with a guy, but now that I've accepted being willing to date a girl, I found that the idea of having sex with a girl actually doesn't disgust me the way it does with guys. Could I be a biromantic homosexual instead?? What do you think?
     
    #1 crystalgem, Apr 22, 2015
  2. bi2me

    bi2me
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    Try not to stress about the labels. You can be and act any (safe) way you want. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 bi2me, Apr 22, 2015
  3. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    I'm sorry, but you don't decide on an orientation. You realize it.
     
    #3 biAnnika, Apr 22, 2015
  4. Jax12

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    I'm sure she realizes that. What she means by decided is that she's settled on a label, but then she changed it and now she's questioning once again.
     
    #4 Jax12, Apr 22, 2015
  5. RedLynx

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    Sexuality can sometimes be really confusing...and trying to find a fitting label can complicate it further. I can really relate to you as I had been going through that phase my entire life up until recently...Labels are not really necessary, but if you feel more comfortable having it, it's really up to you. Hope you find the right one sooner :slight_smile:
     
    #5 RedLynx, Apr 23, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2015
  6. crystalgem

    crystalgem
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    Thanks for all the support, everyone :slight_smile: Right now, I do think that I'm indeed a biromantic homosexual. Looking back on my life, this begins to make sense. More sense than being asexual.
    I think I was denying it a little because I know that most people won't understand my orientations. Like once I say I'm homosexual, everyone thinks I only wanna date girls, but that's not true.
    Anyway, I know people on here will understand or at least support me! This finally sounds like the "labels" I will permanently settle on, and I'm quite happy with them. I've been this way all along of course, but now I have a name for it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #6 crystalgem, Apr 23, 2015
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    For the most part, I agree with the others. If you want an honest, useful label that you'l be able to stick with, your best bet is to discard all of the unrecognized labels for which there's no basis in any of the research, nor among any credible professionals.

    Very, very few people are genuinely asexual. Unfortunately, the label has been hijacked and grossly misused. Genuine asexuality is hardwired and unchanging, and there is no sexual attraction to anyone or anything whatsoever. Most of the people who claim to be asexual are, in fact, dealing with a different issue, usually depression, anxiety, or another problem that has, as a side effect, a lowering of sex drive. When the underlying issue is addressed, sex drive returns. These people were never asexual in the first place.

    As far as separation between romantic and sexual orientation, there's no credible data in decades of research to support this idea.

    I am in no way trying to devalue what you have chosen for yourself; it the label works, it's not my place to tell you not to use it. But since you've indicated that you've changed labels several times and are looking for a permanent one, I think you'll find much better success in simply ignoring labels entirely and waiting a bit... at which point, I think you'll find yourself (as has most everyone else for the past 60+ years these issues have been seriously studied) realizing that you fit into one of the widely accepted and common labels.
     
    #7 Chip, Apr 23, 2015
  8. crystalgem

    crystalgem
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    Not to sound stubborn, but I've known exactly what it means to be asexual all along. And I know many people misuse it. When I thought of sex it was just grossly unappealing to me, but that's because I've realized that that's only with guys. That's why I've changed my labels. And many people in the LGBTQIA+ community say that it's just easier to not use labels or that they aren't necessary, but isn't that why we're here and we join communities like this? Because we are proud of our labels? Anyway, me being borderline, I usually lack a sense of self identity and having labels for myself helps me feel more grounded.
     
    #8 crystalgem, Apr 24, 2015
  9. Chip

    Chip
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    Sigh. Nevermind.
     
    #9 Chip, Apr 24, 2015
  10. crystalgem

    crystalgem
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    Wow. Okay.
     
    #10 crystalgem, Apr 25, 2015
  11. David21201

    David21201
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    Okay, so in my opinion I NEED the labels. And I feel you are the same way.

    Labels make it easier to tell people that you are LGBTQ+ with saying where you fall. I've questioned my sexuality twice. First I was a lesbian (my parents found out about that one :/ ), then a panromantic lesbian since I found sex with guys kinda of...well... i guess unappealing, then I finally settled on pansexual because I don't care who I have sex with as long as I love them.

    It's ok to find a label. You'll figure this out eventually
     
    #11 David21201, Apr 25, 2015
  12. vattenkanna

    vattenkanna
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    It feels like you come to some conclusion. I don't know if your age is correct but if you are only sixteen you have plenty of time to figure out what feels right. I have never been interested in love, or to be specified interested in boys which I was very slow to realize and the thought of sex have always been disgusting until I realize I could have sex with girls and that thought was nicer and girls are way hotter than boys. But I'm still, you know thinking and trying to figuring out if I'm a lesbian or not :wink:
     
    #12 vattenkanna, Apr 25, 2015
  13. crystalgem

    crystalgem
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    Thanks, both of you, for your support :slight_smile:
     
    #13 crystalgem, Apr 25, 2015
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