Hi everyone, I've made a couple of posts on this site before and they've all had the same vibe to them - if you've missed them (and there's no reason to assume you haven't) it's mainly me bitching about being single. I've been on my own for almost five years now following a crash and burn relationship, the other half of which is now happily married and being polyamorous. He has it all including my jealousy... and admiration. I'm a 26 year old professional man with serious issues around my personal appearance. I'm overweight and generally unremarkable, it's sad really.... I just blend in. I'm petrified that this is as good as it gets for me. I watch people pairing off around me and having fun (essentially in love or fucking too hard to care they're not) and I'm not. I long for a guy, any guy, seriously - I'm at the stage where a proper dickhead would do - I just don't want to be alone anymore. I feel left out, isolated and abandoned by more more successful peers. Even my best friend, the guy I spend a lot of time with, is on the brink of moving in with his partner and having his time limited in the way this always effect it. All I have are platonic friendships - the kind that will deteriorate into my pathetic begging to be invited over at Christmas. I've gone through 5 years of loneliness, barely having sex (my penis almost blinks in the daylight when I get undressed) and generally feeling the possibility of happiness slipping away form me. It seems as if I'm just not the lovable type. My one time being in love and being loved feels like a fluke, an improbability, a glitch in the Matrix - something that shouldn't have happened. I almost wish it hadn't, at least I wouldn't know the difference between the two states of victory and just being a loser. What do you do when you don't fit in? When you're not normal? I have no idea. What with my 220lbs, 6ft 1' frame I'm not the slim, bubbly, charmingly air-headed gay chap that seems to fit in with gay society. Even in the years in which I stood a chance, before life put me on the romantic shelf, I just couldn't get laid/make out in a club/approach a stranger because of the inevitability of being rejected for a slimmer, more chiseled better offer. My friends, for their eternal patience, constantly tell me different. I'm apparently nice, charming, witty, on the good side of eloquent and (although I disagree with them violently) not awful looking. If that's true, why am I having these difficulties? Friends, thanks for listening to the ramblings of future lonely old man. Those of you who are all coupled up, kudos, to those capable of fucking around, extra kudos, and to those of you in the same boat as I am.... this fucking sucks doesn't it? Thanks for reading and all the best, ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2015 at 10:55 PM ---------- Oops, this should be in the relationships bit. Sorry. Still, feel free to respond if you like.
Well getting into a relationship in order not to feel alone isn't the best idea, if that makes sense. Believe that there is someone out there for you, because there always is.
