Feeling comfortable with my sexuality

I've lived in a slightly secluded place my whole life where even the concept of someone being gay was a big thing. If you were a gay man then men everywhere avoided you and people stop seeing you as a "real man" and talk bad about you behind your back. If you were a lesbian then you were just confused and not taken seriously, it was all taken as being overly affectionate with your female friends. Other sexualities weren't discussed and bisexuality was just people being greedy and wanting to have sex with everything that moved, using the label "bisexuality" as an excuse. And gender identities other than female and male were nonexistent.

It wasn't until I reached my mid teens and explored the internet more that I realized that there was a lot more to people than what I was taught. I was called out on discriminating some sexualities and gender identities during that time but I was simply ignorant to everything because I had never even thought of those situations and the issues that come with them. But I understand now. Maybe not from experience most of them but I'm no longer ignorant to these things.

Talk about any sexuality other than heterosexual was next to nonexistent my whole life, and even then "The Talk" my parents had with me only came in my late teens when they found out I was dating a guy for a while.

When I was younger, I "messed around" with a female friend of mine. We were just experimenting though, not trying to form a relationship bigger than just friends. It went from kissing to more sexual stuff but we stopped after about a year. I didn't give much thought to this. We called it having fun. And I didn't really think about my sexuality at the time. It didn't seem to matter really.

I always thought girls were pretty but the general idea of girls being pretty was the "normal" so I didn't think much of it.

Then I became friends with another girl (now one of my best friends) who is a lesbian. We talked about girls a few times and she eventually got a girlfriend. Talking to her made me realize that maybe I wasn't as straight as everyone else. I always liked boys a lot and still do but now I was consciously adding girls to the mix.

I didn't feel opposed to the idea but I still preferred men to women. Which made me think I was a straight girl being confused and just "wanting another excuse to have sex with more people". I know it isn't like that but it was what I had heard all my life and I was panicking.

I spoke to my friend and she heard my insecurities and gave me advice. I spoke to my cousin who is also bisexual and she helped me through it too.

Most of the websites I've been on don't think much of bisexuals and many people don't see it as a real thing. They seem to think of it only as a lie gay people tell themselves and a way for straight people to get more attention. So that didn't help me feel any better.

The stereotype that bisexuals like men and women in a 50/50 ratio also made me nervous. I have a preference for men but I also like women. But the fact that I don't like them equally made the idea that I was lying to myself even greater.

This is where this website comes into picture. I've been reading this forum for a while now, over a year now, and seeing posts about bisexuality and bisexual people helping others come to terms with their own sexuality, people that have the same fears as I have really helped me.

I feel like I can breathe easier now. I have mixed feeling about labels. I feel like they restrict you to a certain path and deviating from that path makes you a liar. But I also think they give you a place to belong. A place where you can feel comfortable and talk to people like you, instead of being just another soul in the middle of millions.

This ended up being longer than I expected but I just wanted to thank you guys. You made me feel comfortable about my sexuality and I don't feel like I'm a lie anymore. I never thought that that realization would feel so wonderful but now I understand. I can breathe easier now.