I am a 32 year old male. Growing up I was attracted to females and males . Then when I was 19, I noticed my feelings for males was pretty strong and I entered into a relationship with a guy . My parents met the guy and suspected something was going on ( I didn't say he was my boyfriend) , and they asked me if I was gay. I told them yes . I stayed in a relationship with that guy until I was 22. From 19 to about 25, I didn't have any crushes on girls . Then when I was 25 I met a two female co-workers who I had crushes on and one of them I had a fling with for about a year and a half (2009 to almost 2011). Now, at 32, I can get aroused by the women in straight porn but I don't have any romantic interest in women . If I think about the woman i was with when I was 25, I can sometimes get erect, but I don't get the romantic feelings I once had when I was with that woman. I rarely get erect watching gay porn anymore (I used to watch a TON of it when I was in my 20's so I think I may be desensitized to it). I think I am more turned on by the woman's breasts in porn more than the actual woman herself. I never look at a woman's face and think "oh man she is really hot", but with guys I can look at a guy and think " man , he is really attractive. I would like to go out with him." I often dream about being in a relationship with a guy. I haven't had a romantic attraction to a woman since I was 25 or 26. Now I am unsure if I need to come out to my parents again as bi, due to my past as described above. I think they would be confused or they would think I went thru a stage in my life where I chose to be gay. Also, if I came out as bi, I am afraid they would think that I should ignore my attraction to men and be with a woman, get married and have kids , which is not what I want. I have mostly gay friends who don't know this about me and they think that I am 100 percent gay so if I really am bi then I would risk coming out to them and losing them as friends because I don't know that they would be accepting. My heart desires to be with men and I can't help that but I feel like if I come out as bi and date men then people will think that I choose to be gay. Please HELP , so confused about who I am :bang::dry:
In your post it is not really clear what makes you think that you are bi. It sounds more like you are a gay man who is also a bit flexible in they way your arousal works-I am just not sure if it actually constitutes being attracted to women as such. Would you sleep with a woman? Would you date one? If the answer to both is no, then I'd not worry about changing your label. On the other hand if you think you'd want to experience those things, it might be worth to change it. But in all cases I'd work more on establishing what you want & accepting yourself, rather than worrying about labels- they should come last.
I guess I thought I was bi based on the fact that I could get aroused by women in straight porn although romantically I am attracted to men. I don't know that I would date women or sleep with one, though. I have dated men for so long that it would seem kind of odd to try to date or sleep with a woman. I am more comfortable with men.
