Come out of a long term relationship, and confused if I might be bi or lesbian?

Hi there I've looked on a few other threads on here as well as some other sites to try and gain some clarity from reading other peoples stories. I live in a fairly rural place and there's no LGBT groups around so thought it might be best to post this here.

I'm 25 years old, and a bit (well, a lot :icon_sad confused about my sexuality. I started questioning it towards the end of a very long relationship which began when I was 17 and lasted until I was 24. It was with a guy, who I loved very much and was also my best friend. The whole time we had been together I had never felt attraction to any other guy. The furthest I had gone with my boyfriend before while I was at school was a kiss on the cheek and holding hands. Basically, outside of my ex-boyfriend I wasn't interested in guys at all and it felt really awkward if any tried to flirt with me, and grossed out at the thought of kissing etc. However I just attributed this all to being in a committed relationship, and beforehand not having romantic/other sorts of maturity.

When we broke up, I was starting to realise that I might be bisexual. I haven't been with a girl, but have felt very strong attractions. And then I began to realise that my attraction for guys is not that strong at all. If I see an attractive guy I usually feel more jealous for how better fitted he can look in men's clothes more than anything There is a guy, who I met through a friend though, who I thought I started feeling attraction for, but as soon as it got to kissing or... him kind of pushing it to other things, I started feeling repulsed. I constantly have a craving to have a girlfriend...

So, I'm wondering if I'm bisexual at all, or maybe just lesbian? It feels like it's a bit late to realise this... I'm not sure if I could say with 100% certainty though that I could *never* be with a man, but I find 99.9% of them not desireable for a relationship or in any other way. And the other 0.01% probably fall into celebrity type crushes or anime guys or my one ex :rolle: Although I know that I couldn't be as happy going back to him as I could having a girlfriend...

So, just looking for an outsiders view I guess... I don't really have anyone I can talk to outside of the internet about this, and sometimes it's much easier to see things from the outside looking in.

Thank you to anyone who might reply (*hug*)

 

Thanks so much for replying 'mindthegap' (*hug*) although I'm sorry to hear that you are also going through things that are confusing too :icon_sad: I think what makes it harder is trying to see through all the previous assumptions and expectations to be straight... I'll try not to stress over it too much like you suggested though, and maybe that will help and let me see more clearly...

Hm, the attractions that I have for girls are emotional, physical, and every other kind. I find myself getting nervous and noticing when a girl is really cute/nice, but always get the pessimistic feeling that she would never be attracted to me in that way, so that's probably what stops me from knowing for sure. I'm too shy to act on it. I see myself snuggling up to a girl and spending years with her, and the thought of having sex doesn't gross me out like it does for guys. The thought of it seems a lot more right, even though it makes me nervous to think about, because it would be so different. I really couldn't imagine the same thing with a guy. There's no real emotional attraction to guys, and although I find their physique attractive aesthitically it just kind of feels like how other straight guys might be able to notice they're attractive. I know I was attracted to my ex BF, but I'm honestly not sure if there was a lot of sexual attraction, but a lot more romantic/emotional. But yeah, it was more not sexually repulsed like I am towards other guys for some reason. Although, that might have even changed a lot since we broke up... actually now that I think on it more, I couldn't actually imagine intimacy in the same way with him now. So confusing :eusa_doh:

Oh, I actually tried an online dating site too and talked to some girls and it felt so much more natural... I deleted my account though before I ever went on a date. They mostly lived too far away And same, guys have asked me out since the break-up, but I just can't look forward to it, if anything I would decline or put it off, or grumble, and then feel guilty because they have been nice guys I just can't think of them past friends. And I keep thinking when I kiss them or hug them that I really want it to be a girl. I just don't feel anything and do my best to keep from pushing them away because I feel like I *should* enjoy kissing a guy, but on the inside I'm just cringing. Very rarely I do find some guys emotionally and sexually attractive, but that's just the celebrity crushes and a lot of them are pretty feminine :icon_sad: Also I have a pretty big crush on a (dorky :rolle male youtuber, who I could see myself (very hypothically) in a relationship with. Maybe I'm bi then but very, very, leaning towards girls? I'm not sure if a lesbian would even have those kind of thoughts :icon_sad: It just feels like being with a guy would have to be a huge exception, but mostly the thought of intimacy grosses me out a lot, and I can't feel emotional connection at all.