Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I've made my own thread. So, just so you know I'm 14 years old, male, and I'm pretty sure I'm into guys (whether I'm just gay or not.) I probably go on this site everyday and check the forum's and everything, its like my go to site. Anyway... I'm questioning at the moment. I just want to get personal and list like a timetable of things to do with my sexuality. This will be super long btw so be prepared to read through all of it. These are things what don't have too much to do with my romantic/sexual orientation, but I will point them out anyway: -When I was younger in primary school (in year 3/4 I think, I was like 7-8 omg) I had a bff called Kieran who was one of my best friends and we were really close. When he left our school I remember being really upset but I have no idea if it was romantic or not. -I remember when I was still young, but definitely older, I used to watch EastEnders with my brother sometimes and there was this massive episode and basically Syed and Amira (a Muslim couple) were going to get married but for ages Syed had been cheating on Amira with a man named Christian. I remember always finding their relationship really cute and finding their kissing scenes hot. However, I did feel sad for Amira and I basically just thought that cheating was wrong but I never even thought about the fact they were both guys, I just thought their cheating was wrong. -In year 5 and 6 most of my friends were girls and I never felt romantically driven to them. -In year 6 I found out the meaning of gay (two boys, they didn't really mention two girls) by people talking about it in my year and I also found out about sex changes (I know this has nothing to do with sexual/romantic attraction) -There were some girls in my primary school who I kinda liked. There was a girl called Charlotte, and another Molly, who I kinda thought romantically about but I don't know if I ever really had a proper crush on them? These are just childhood memories I remember. These are now things what are more directly linked to my romantic/sexual orientation: -I've had 2 girlfriends, both online, ldr (Long Distance Relationship) and I don't know if I ever loved them romantically or not. I definitely loved them in the sense I cared about them, but I don't know if there was any significant romantic attraction there. -My first relationship was with a girl named Lucy, who was from the USA (I live in England btw.) I was about 10 years old when we first started dating. Our relationship started of in a really weird way. We used to do role plays where we were both vampires and I was the dad and she was the mum. We used to "protect each other" and everything. One day she randomly said we were boyfriend & girlfriend (for real) and I just went along with it. I think I broke up with her when I was 11. The reason we broke up was because she lied to me about a lot of things and was untruthful. I actually remember her dating this guy a lot older after breaking up with me and then saying she wanted me back because the guy was a douchebag to her and I was just like nope... -My second relationship was with a girl called Caitlin from Australia. We dated for over 2 years. The exact day we got together was the 29th January 2012. Ironically, that was the day before my birthday. Also, since she lived in Australia it was actually the 30th January for her (My birthday) but we both agreed on 29th January. So, I was about to turn 12 the next day lol. Anyway, we broke up last year because it wasn't really going to work out and I probably would never really meet her sadly. Before we broke up, I actually told her I was bisexual (I thought I was back then) and she was fine with it. After we broke up, I'm not sure if it was exactly after or a few months after I told her I thought I was gay. She's the first person I have ever told. We just had a very open-minded long chat about it lol. We don't talk a lot anymore but we still talk. In fact just 2 days ago she talked to me lol. Btw, me and Caitlin were best friends before we got together and we were best friends while I was dating Lucy. -Puberty hit me when I was 11. I started masturbating to guys and thinking sexual thoughts about them. I never thought sexual thoughts about girls. I probably first watched proper porn when I was 12? It was like, always gay porn. Lesbian porn did nothing for me and still doesn't. Straight porn can be hot sometimes. -I had all these "fantasies" about guys while I was together with Caitlin. However, I was too young to think "oh I'm gay and I'm dating a girl." I didn't honestly understand, I just knew my sexual fantasies about guys made me feel good. -I started to understand what "gay, bisexual, lesbian" meant and also homophobia. I never once considered labelling myself gay though. -While I was 13, I had a phrase I thought I was bisexual. All the porn I watched was MMF (Male-Male-Female Threesome.) It was never FFM though, because I found that porn boring. I even told some of my close friends I was bisexual. I remember passing a note to one of my best friends in Geography with "I'm bisexual" on it. At first, she didn't understand what bisexual meant and she said "what does bisexual mean" and I said "it means I like girls and guys" and she was just like... "okay, I always thought you were straight though" but she was fine with it. -When I told my other friends, they thought I was too young to know for sure but I kept telling them I was definitely bisexual. Now I look back at this, they were right. -I feel bad because in a way I took part in bisexual erasure, but at the same time I truly thought I was bi and I didn't understand LGBT stuff as much as I do today. -Now I'm 14, with a much better understanding of my sexual orientation. I am questioning still however. Just a few questions - -I dated 2 girls, even though I may be gay, but I was young and didn't understand there was love between two boys/girls. I really did love them both. If I was really gay, wouldn't I have felt at least some romantic attraction to guys? Or does romantic attraction only develop after puberty? Wouldn't I have not wanted to date girls, even if that is all I knew? -Since I seemed to have some crushes on girls in primary school, doesn't that mean I have some legitimate romantic attraction to girls? -Since puberty began I just had sexual attraction to guys, but this sexual attraction must of not been forced because I felt it naturally and didn't even know what being gay meant, so I must be gay and not just be labelling myself gay when I'm not right? In conclusion, I honestly would just think I'm gay but then it comes to romance. I don't really think I have ever felt that much romantic attraction to guys as much as girls, but is this because I don't know how to experience gay romantic attraction? I don't honestly feel disgusted by the idea of having sex with a girl, but I probably would find sex with a guy more exciting. I shouldn't really base my attraction on what porn I watch. I have however felt attraction to guys in real life and found them good looking, not just in porn. Any help would be appreciated, and I'm sorry this is so long.
I feel like I'm in a similar position. I am most definitely exclusively sexually attracted to guys. But when it comes to romantic attraction, I feel more attracted to girls. There is a term for this (homosexual, heteroromantic). However, I share sort of the same logic as you. I think the lack of romantic attraction to guys, at least for me, is related to internalized homophobia. I think in my brain I still consider it taboo. I actually hope it IS internalized homophobia because that can be overcome with time. The prospect of being sexually attracted to guys but romantically attracted to girls seems like it automatically sets me up to never be 100% content in any relationship :/ Any people out there who identify as heteroromantic homosexuals? Let us know your thoughts
When I was a teen, I had much the same confusion. Back the, though, homosexuality was far less spoken about. I don't suppose I really knew what it meant until probably I was 16 or 17 maybe. Anyway, I found that I had no erotic (for want of a better word) attraction to girls, but I always had female company, and got on with them better then most boys. I think I was a bit afraid of boys, because they were into sports and rough and tumble and I was a bit, well, 'girly'. I think online relationships in your early teens don't count for much tbh. They don't sound like romantic attachments, to be frank, but rather close (if long distance) friendships. It is perfectly possible to have close friendships with the opposite sex without being sexually attracted to them. As I got older, I became much more male-focused in my friendships.
Hey man, you seem to be in about the same boat I'm in. I recently started questioning as well and felt pretty lost. Ill give you some some advice that was given to me: experiment and try different things with both sexes. Now if your like me and not one who easily can hook up with people, no worries. Go onto Instagram or Tumblr and find feeds of hot girls and hot boys and see which one gets your heart pounding more. I know this may sound shadow and possibly a little objectifying but it has served as a great tool for me in sorting out what my sexuality truly is.
Wow thanks for posting on such a long & old post xD I wouldn't want to experiment anyway even if I was old enough (I'm younger) because I would never want to have meaningless sex. Anyway, I have tried looking at pictures of hot guys/gals and normally guys do it for me. It's just really confusing, but I have generally now decided to not worry about it and just not put a label on my sexuality.
