Allow me to first state that I'm a girl, and haven't ever been an extremely sexual or romantic person, which makes things harder. Ok, now onto my issue. About a year ago, my friends started going crazy for guys, and I really didn't, I'd taken an interest, sure, but nothing beyond a crush. I got and have a boyfriend, who I liked and had a crush on, but I worry that it was more to convince myself that I was "normal". Going into high school, I noticed myself looking more at girls. Only recently, however, have I put things together and wondered if I am perhaps bi. Upon that realization, I began to embrace it more and have since had a crush on a girl, and overall felt more comfortable. But here's where things get complicated: 1: I have a boyfriend, who I love, but I'm not sure if I do like that, I don't know I would necessarily even be comfortable kissing him. 2: My parents are ok with all sexualities except for bi, (their response being "that's too bad" upon me telling them that a friend was bi) although they're not huge fans of any homosexuality. 3: My friends, although claiming to be ok with lesbians and the likes, don't seem entirely comfortable with the concept. On top of that, we do stuff that isn't at all sexual, but could be mistaken to be romantic if taken out of context, like really close friends might (which it isn't, for me or them), and I don't want to lose that. My point being, I don't want to say or do anything until I'm absolutely sure, and I don't know what I can do to be absolutely sure. Can this stuff be a phase? I really do feel like have an interest in girls, and boys as well, although not as much. How long should I wait to be sure before considering saying anything? Sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading, your help, and your time!
Wow, I totally know where you're coming from. I am also experiencing this situation where I am just starting to question whether these "crushes" i have experienced in the past may mean something about my sexuality. Since I'm pretty new to this as well, I don't have any advice, but I think I am going to give it some time. I have just accepted the fact that I may be questioning, and I don't feel like I need to rush out and tell anyone until I have given it a little more thought myself. I think I may wait until I find myself in a relationship (or wanting to be in a relationship) with another girl, and if that happens, I can decide who/how to tell people. Until that happens (if it happens), I think I can just keep thinking on this. Also, I think this site is super helpful, if you try looking around, you may find people in really similar situations. It's not exactly advice, but I hope this helps!
Dear Webcatie, I know how you feel. I started to doubt my sexuality when I was 13 and now I'm 20. I have a bf who I love very much for almost 4 years now and it still iches me to doubt it and to think there is still some utopia wating for me on the women-side. On my thread: seeming to be lesbian keeps me from happines it seems you can read the experience I had for the last month where in I actually told my parents and also finally kissed a girl. In a nutshell: Even though a moment of peace struck me when I finally kissed a girl (I was almost obsessed about knowing what I am) the hard truth for me was that I did not know what I was with just kissing a girl. Now, ofcourse, you have to remember that there are a lot of factors that come along in this situation that can change the outcome: -I had a boyfriend wich I do love (no matter in what way, he was in the back of my head) -What you think of the girl -The way it '''happens'' Probably there are a lot more to think of, but for me these things, perhaps, blurred the experiments outcome. Nevertheless: some people have the luck of ''just knowing'' or knowing it right away when they finally did it, despite the fact that the person is not their ideal idea of woman/men. Unfortunately this did not happen for me. For my opinion: it will take time to sort things out and perhaps it will even take a lot of bed-partners before you will slightly know. Also a thing to keep in mind is that if you are bi-sexual indeed it will be pointless to try and choose between man and women in your mind, but that also will probably become more and more clear as you just keep on going. My most important advice I can give you is to not make to big of a deal about it. Ofcourse it is important to get to know yourself, but I wanted to know it so badly that my life began to revolve around it. As you can read in other threads as well there is this danger that life will be only about finding this out. Even though I still don't know what I am does not mean that there is more to life. It would be a waste to think that you will know it if only you could just try it out once. There are people out here who knew it when they were already 30. I even read about someone thinking she was lesbian for the last 26 years and suddenly only wanting to be with a man. I'm not sure about if sexuality is always as fluid as that, but the important thing you can learn from that is that it's a kind of unnecessary to have the goal of knowing it 100% for sure. I know you want to know things, but life won't give you absolute things of guarantees like that. The most important thing is to do the things you want to do now. If you now feel good enough with your bf stay with him If you can't supress the urge to experiment with a girl: do it! If it feels like a good thing to give yourself time to think this through for some longer: give yourself the time. I hope this helps. xxxx Grannysmith
