Hello everybody. I signed up here and thought a lot whether or not post. I'm straight so I guess I don't belong in here but I have a weird situation in my life and questions I think only gay men will be able to answer. I'm 17 years old and I've a friend, also 17. We're going in the same school and have really good relationships. What's not good, is they way he has to live. His parents are both alcoholics and treat him very badly. Often he doesn't even have anything to eat because they spend all the money on drinking. When drunk they beat him for nothing. Police has visited them however all these things are considered to be "family arguments" and nothing is done about it. I come from a nice and quite wealthy family and I started to help him. When in school I always buy him some lunch and I have gave him lots of my clothes as the ones he has are old and tattared. After school he often came with me to my home. Because of their job my parents are often away and I can have the house all to myself. Then he can have a bath and some sleep or we're studying together. I think this was when he started to mean a lot to me. But now things are even more complicated. He trusted his sister and told his sister and told her he's gay. She immediately told everything their parents who threw him out of the house. Desperate he came to me and I accepted him of course. My parents defend LGBT rights and they like him a lot. He also has an aunt where he spends nights sometimes but she doesn't care about him a lot. And now when we spend most of the time together, I start to feel something weird. I've always liked only girls, girls period. I know he likes me but he has never came onto me, I told him one I'm straight. But there are a lot of things that scares me. When we're watching Tv together, I have this overwhelming desire to hug him tightly and hold him forever. I look at his neck, face or just his body and I realize I want to kiss it all over. Once he was lying in bath and I wanted so badly to just dip my hands into the water and touch his body. Besides all that I want to protect him, I want him to feel good and be safe. When he smiles at me, I feel wonderful and then I think-what's wrong with me, I'm straight. But when it's night and he sleeps on the other couch in my room, I again want to just come over and get under his blanket. I've had girlfriends but no person has ever been this important to me. I feel like I could kill anyone who's trying to hurt him when I see the scars his parents have left on his body. What is this? Why do I feel like that? Will it pass?
Hello and welcome to EC! First of all, no, you're not unwelcome here just because you're straight. Everyone is welcome here. No matter what or who you are, we're gonna take you in, as long as you treat us correctly as well, too. Maybe you feel like he's your brother, maybe you feel like he's more than that, and that's fine. To be honest, I think you need to address this to him, but do tell him that it's all brand new to you. Maybe you can try some things out with him, spending time together talking and all that, see if you feel like it's getting stronger or it's like a passing fad. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way at all. I think you can be straight, and STILL be attracted to him. (I call this Someone-sexual. For example, I have a crush on someone named Matt, but I think I'm straight. I'd call myself Mattsexual. I don't think others will agree with this, but it's how I see it anyway.) But who cares about labels anyway. You need to tell him what you feel. To be honest, I think everyone should start expressing what they feel and not hide it. Makes life so much easier. Good luck!
I think you're a great friend, many people would just walk away in your situation but you are doing the right thing A while ago I was in a similar situation (albeit not as extreme) but I did grow to love him, even though it wasn't romantic love, I loved him like a sibling. That said I was still in my denial stage then so if it happened now it would likely be very different feelings, like when we did things together it just felt like we were more than friends, once I was through my denial stage I had the biggest crush ever on him! I dunno, it's confusing because of the conflict of what I wanted and what I felt at the time. Anyway, it isn't beyond the imagination that you could be gay/bi, looking back I can say I was 14 when I realised I was gay, but I didn't know at the time until I was 17, I even had a girlfriend from the age of 19-20. But the way you talk of what you feel about him is similar to me too (despite that I still called myself straight until I was 20/21); hugging is something 2 males can do normally at an emotional level but when you talk about wanting to kiss him all over and touch him does point toward what may be the uncomfortable fact that you are not straight. I do think if you feel like this you do need to talk to him about it, just tell him how you feel and be open. for people who come out later on in life there is usually some sort of event that is the 'kick' to make you start questioning.
There is no reason you can't hug him, and any friend would feel a lot of sympathy and compassion for a friend who was rejected by his parents. Just hold off on the labels; it's okay to change them even if you said you're one thing. Even many LGBT people think they are straight because that's what society has told us is "normal". Most labels are spoken words, not permanent like tattoos. I think another challenge is that society allows women/girls to have close physical relationships that don't have to be sexual, while men/boys are supposed to "strong/tough/masculine" and have less intimacy. That's unfortunate.
Romantic attraction and sexual attraction aren't the same thing, so they may not necessarily match. Wanting to do things like kissing and cuddling, that's actually more in the realm of romantic behavior. I'm biromantic because I enjoy cuddling and other more platonic but affectionate behaviors with girls just as much as guys. But I'm most definitely gay because the only people I've ever wanted to have sex with are male. So unless you end up wanting to sleep with him, you're probably not gay. And even if you do, it may be a one-off, you might be bisexual, or even pansexual (some of them describe it as content matters, not the casing, the inside matters more than the outside). I have a male friend who is almost exclusively heterosexual. He has one ex-boyfriend, the one and only guy he's ever been sexually attracted to--no guy before or since. So he just considers himself straight.
Maybe you could tell him you want to experiment? If you feel like he might have feelings for you, chances are he does. I would LOVE it if a straight guy I was crushing on, asked to kiss me, to find out if he really was straight. It doesn't sound like you want a relationship with him at all, but it would be helpful for your sake to validate your feelings (whether you have them at all towards guys). Maybe I'm in the minority, but as long as you made it clear from the start that it wouldn't lead to anything more than a kiss, I don't see what's wrong with doing that.
I don't know how to tell him. He'll think I'm stupid-one moment I say I'm straight and then I want him physically in the next moment. I've never had such desire for anyone, even when I masturbate, I think about him.
Hi Sasuljiks, I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, in that I met a friend last year (who's also gay) and while I can debate with myself for hours about the finer points of what I feel or this or that, what I feel for him far outstrips what I feel for other friends and indeed pretty much anyone I've met so far. I can relate to the urge to hug and liking the way he looks. With regard to telling him, I don't know the dynamics between you two. But I'd say you should maybe tell him about the feelings, but leave it at that. The reason is that it sounds like you regard him as a great friend, and he does you- so you'll need to think about whether telling him you want to experiment and such would compromise that friendship in any way, and also because it might be better to "spread out" these sorts of confession so you don't overload him so to speak in one go. As for feeing straight before, I think maybe it's better to be honest there. You could just say "I have feelings for you, but you're the first guy I've ever had these sorts of feelings for" - you don't need to say you're straight, or anything really- just state the facts as they are, and that can be a springboard for talking it out with him. Of course it's up to you how you handle this, but my 2c here is that you should: 1) consider how much you want to tell him (in one go), if you want to try and initiate something and whether that would affect your friendship, 2) consider his perspective in all this - do you think he'd want space to think, or some time apart? Would he appreciate the offer for physical intimacy? and 3) in terms of the way you tell him, my opinion is that it'd be best to start with the basic facts and then work your way up - you don't need to declare yourself as anything, just say that he's the first guy you've had feelings for which has made you unsure. In any case I think this will be good for your friendship, it could be really constructive and bring you two even closer! Hope my input helped in some way and good luck
Well he sometimes puts his head on my shoulder or ruffles my hair but apologizes straight away like "sorry, I forgot you're straight". But I'd like so much for him to continue.
I hope I don't induce any worries here, but I consider myself a hetrosexual man, in my experience i would be slightly uncomfortable with the whole head on shoulder, hair ruffling etc. I also have never wanted anyone but females nor have I desired to touch another man the way you aRe describing, And I would seriously call into question my sexuality if I did. but see if you "desire" him then go for it dude, love is love and if he's what would make you happy then you just need to be straight up about it in my humblest of opinions.
