I personally identify as gay but i do sleep with men. Now i know it sounds confusing but idk. I get a lot of talk from the guys who keep telling me i'm bisexual and everything. ..and a lot of talk from girls as well. Here is how it started. One night on new years i was piss drunk and...i was curious about what it was like to have sex with a guy so me and my friend Luke kind of hooked up but i didnt even remember it until i got home and when i thought about it .i was grossed out and took a shower. Months went by and i became sexually frustrated. I hadnt had sex with a girl in forever it seemed, and the girl i loved hated me so i begin to stop caring. I then talked to my friend jalan about it and he agreed. We were both sexually frustrated and didnt give a shit and decided to hook up. He was the first to officially take my virginity . It didnt feel good to me. I didnt like it. It hurt all to hell. I was bleeding. A few A few days later... he kept bugging me about he wanted to have sex again so i nervously agreed. I didnt feel like screwing him since i was still in pain but he wouldn't stop so i gave in. It still hurt. We hooked up one last time and once again he bugged me so i gave in. Then josh came along... josh had come through my line at my work and asked for my number. I told him about everything and he was a bit confused. But didnt give much thought. He then asked me on a date and i had stopped to think about it. The last time i went on a date with a guy was 3 years ago...and it wasnt a good experience obviously but for some reason. I thought maybe i would try it out and explore the straight side again and see if i truly would like it with mt new knowledge of sexuality. We hooked up...after our date and i still didnt get pleasure out of it but i was too scared to tell him... i was too afraid to tell him that i wasnt happy with him knowing he liked me so much so i stayed...in guilt. Josh was eventually arrested and had asked me to wait for him but i couldn't. The next one was mason... mason ...we never hooked up but did some sexual stuff. It seems my depression was taking over me. I was carelessly hooking up with men to fill my sexual frustration with women and to forget about the bad luck that had clouded around me. Now i have hooked up with another guy named keegan. This hook up was out of pure revenge. My old best friend screwed me over...so i decided to screw his best friend to get even. It was a petty thing to do ..i know but my emotions are getting the best of me at this point. I miss having sex with a girl even more now that i have sex with guys. I just ask thay nobody judges me for still identifying as gay. I would stop ...but there is so much pressure on me. Today keegan wanted to have sex but i didnt want to. He then proceeded to try and get me to do anal and i refused. Usually i have sex with one guy one time. And after i do ..i take a shower. I feel disgusting. So i wash. And sit there. When keegan left...i felt sad...i felt sad because he left me because i wouldn't have sex with him. I felt so alone after that and thought maybe if i fucked him...he would've stayed longer. I usually stay in my room a lot of the time so when i hang out with someone...i feel less alone and i feel happy. I think factors in having sex with guys right now is due to forgetting about the girl i love. To forget about women... i have sex with men whom im not attracted to just to forget. A very unhealthy habit but I've come to a dead end in my life where i cant die anymore so i just find unhealthy things to torture me ..just to forget the things that actually kill me inside... I hope nobody judges me based on this. I know it doesn't maje sense...it doesnt make sense to me either...i hate it. Im sorry..
I won't judge you. I had been there, but not as "extreme" as what you had (I don't mean to offend). Each individual has his/her coping mechanisms. Don't worry that much, okay
Hi Merbear, I can't see why anyone would judge you at all. The only thing I would suggest, is that maybe there are some guys in your age group, who might treat you with a bit more sensitivity and consideration, rather than just pressuring you and thinking only of their own needs, not seeming to care about yours. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking a bit of sex with anyone of any gender, but I would gently suggest that if you 'hook up' with a guy again, you choose one who is a bit more sensitive and caring than the guys you mentioned in your post.
Well...i did. This guy is very nice. A bit shy and intelligent but ad soon as we had sex. He let it get to his damn head. Like i understand sex is great and all for them and i love when i get to have sex with a girl too but i don't go on some power trip thinking I'm superman or some shit just because i got pussy .
