1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

In general, how forgiving is the LGBTQ community of dithering?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Benway, Apr 29, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Benway

    Benway
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    66
    Location:
    Interzone
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So, I've not been well, lately. Broke my nose, followed by a self-inflicted bad haircut-- all things that came as a result of my apparent incapability to allow myself to indulge in sex with a man. I've constantly punished myself for ten years now, and it's starting to turn physical. But that's a story for another day.

    I want to know, in general, how forgiving is the LGBTQ community of ditherers? Perhaps a better term would be "the indecisive," as I'm constantly deleting profiles from gay apps or disappearing from the physical scenes altogether and constantly coming back to them, sometimes within less than twenty four hours. Now, the only person who's really not forgiven me of this was someone I was in contact for over five years, but that was kind of a special case-- I understand his frustration with my constant dithering over a course that long but in general, the LGBTQ community is large where I live and constantly in a state of flux-- new people in and out all the time.

    So I beg the question, is the LGBTQ community forgiving of those who cannot make concrete decisions easily? My nose is healing slowly, by the way and my hair is growing back. Don't bother saying "go see a therapist" etc, I know-- I'm looking for one. Just please, answer the question I have asked.
     
    #1 Benway, Apr 29, 2015
  2. biAnnika

    biAnnika
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey dear...what's your experience? Have you not been here on and off for years, and have we not received you gladly each time, and tried to help you in the ways we're able to do so? Yeah, sure, some of us get more snippy than others when the same questions come up repeatedly...but overall, I'd say we've been pretty forgiving/understanding. Do you have reason to think you'd find different outside of EC?
     
    #2 biAnnika, Apr 29, 2015
  3. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The honest answer is that many gay men are pretty intolerant of people who can't make up their minds. This is one of the reasons that bisexuals often face discrimination; they're (wrongly) seen as people who can't make up their minds by many.

    But not everyone feels that way. Almost all of us have been in a place of questioning and not being certain. You've had a pretty long road in coming to accept who you are, and you're still on that road, though a lot further along than you were a few months ago.

    I'd be open with people. Tell them where you are. Some won't be interested, but some will be understanding. And the understanding ones are the only ones you should care about.
     
    #3 Chip, Apr 29, 2015
  4. TheStormInside

    TheStormInside
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England, US
    I'm glad you've asked this, Benway, as it's a question I have too. I have a hard time getting out there, as well, both because I am still struggling with self acceptance and because I have pretty bad social anxiety. I'm just now starting to try to find ways to meet people, and I fear my awkwardness and my hesitations are already getting in my way a bit. I do hope there are those who are understanding that this is a big step. I would think there are at least a few who have felt similarly, and hopefully we both are able to come across those who are sympathetic in that way.
     
    #4 TheStormInside, Apr 29, 2015
  5. Benway

    Benway
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    66
    Location:
    Interzone
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think what I may need is a new place to live. Much like a virus, I've exhausted either all or almost all the resources in this area, in this case those resources are areas of my local gay community. I've been giving serious thought to moving out of state, and I probably should act on that once I'm sure it's not the painkillers talking.

    In general my community either almost immediately forgets who I am or is pretty forgiving, often never realizing that I've been gone. It's like I don't even exist, sometimes. Maybe I'm too cautious-- no, that's not the right word, I'm too closed to be noticed as widely as I'd like, or think I'd like. I'm rambling. As for the bisexual bias Chip mentioned, I know I don't like girls sexually-- so that's not as much of an issue for me it's is my constant and often sporadic absenteeism in the scenes.

    Still, a change of scenery might be nice. I've been told Seattle is gay friendly and way more liberal than the Greater Philadelphia Area where I'm at now... But gods help me I do love the urban sprawls, here.
     
    #5 Benway, Apr 29, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)