Hi there, I found this forum when I felt curious and browsed the net to eventually find answers to my questions. Or actually just seeking contact to people that are open-minded, unprejudiced and nice and where I just can be honest without people reacting mean or not taking me serious. Is this section the right place for just chatting about my confusion? Are you people up for just talking?
You're really nice, thanks for the nice welcome. Okay, so... how do I start... I'm a straight female, at least that's what I've always thought. Although my family surrounding is very open when it comes to sexuality, I've never felt comfortable talking about it. I'm very uncomfortable with people in general, to be honest. I've had sexual contact with men before, but after being heart-broken in the worst way I haven't had any sexual contact with anyone but myself since then. I took comfort in joining a fandom and fangirling over a male celebrity, where I met really nice people that I became friends with. I've met my very best friend (straight female, too) there and since then we have some kind of... weird relationship. Yes, I do call it relationship instead of friendship, because it's just weird. I always loved her to pieces, but not in a romantic or sexual way, just platonic. She's the most important person to me and we literally spend each second of our free time together. Already talked about a shared apartment as well, because we're together all the time anyway. As to the male celebrity we fangirl over, we often fantasize about how we would "share" him and how he would be such a lucky man to have two girls at once. I always thought this was just a joke, but the more I imagined it, the more I thought it couldn't be such a bad idea. In addition, I feel jealous whenever she's with one of her other straight female friends. I even don't know why, it just irks me that she would rather spend time with them instead with me and I can't help myself but feel jealous, though normally she's with me all the time. However, I don't get that feeling when she's with men. I don't understand myself at all! Also, I find myself attracted to male gay couples lately. Like, a lot! I've never been fond of the imagination, usually it rather freaked me out (not that I wouldn't accept gays, please don't take this as an offense, I'm actually very unprejudiced about that ). I just never had contact with gays or anyone to talk about that before, so it was a fairly new subject for me that I've never dealt with before. However, since I met a fandom girl that felt sexually attracted to the imagination of "our" celebrity being in a gay relationship with another male I'm literally obsessed with that idea, though I was shocked about that at first. Now I do think this is more attractive than anything else. Anyway, I'm just confused now. Is all that considered normal for a straight? I don't think so. But then again, I have no one to talk about, so it drives me nuts from time to time.
It's a really healthy and responsible decision to come here to vent. We'll help you along as good as we can None of what you described above is conclusive in terms of sexuality, if you ask me. You say that you're jealous when your best friend is hanging out with other people. That is not necessarily a sign of lesbianism; you did say your relationship is only platonic. The fantasy of sharing a cute guy is not out of the ordinary (certainly not......) You also mentioned being attracted to gay guys. It might be that those guys have some typical feature, such as, let's say, taking better care of their skin, that you like in guys. It is still a heterosexual attraction in that case. Thus, I'm ruling nothing out but not concluding anything either. Feel free to write some more. For example, if you're entirely open, what are your 'suspicions', if I may? Is it that you might be bisexual or heteroflexible or something? Hope that's not entirely worthless ^^ :3
I find that writing out my random thoughts and feelings helps me come to conclusions too. I don't have much to add yet, but keep writing. We're reading.
It sounds to me like you like the idea of gay guys because if your male celeb had a boyfriend, then you would be free to snog and date your female friend... I can relate to that for sure!
