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Am I just straight-up gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Substitute, May 1, 2015.

  1. Substitute

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    Warning: This post may contain too much information.

    So I've been on a bit of a roller coaster the last couple of months, and I'm now seriously considering
    the possibility that I'm not bisexual (as I had thought) but really just totally gay.

    Here we go:

    I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. We had a fairly low-conflict relationship, but I no longer felt romantically towards him, was incredibly bored and unwilling to put the effort in to fix our relationship. Now that we're apart, I actually feel really good.

    I recently slept with a couple of women, because, newly single, I thought what the heck- It was fairly revelatory for me. It was the first time in a long time that I have actually enjoyed being present during sex and been genuinely interested in my partner. In the past, while with my boyfriend, I've found it pretty difficult to enjoy sex while focusing on what's happening, rather than making up fantasies in my head. I'd slept with a couple of guys before him, but never really connected with either of them.

    I've recently been thinking about the fact that I used to tell my boyfriend that I never felt the desire to sleep with any other men apart from him - I didn't even really have male celebrity crushes. The thing is, now that I've broken up with him and no longer want to sleep with him, that's a grand total of NO men.

    Ultimately, I'm going to have to work this out for myself - but I wondered if others can relate (and also, it's fun spilling your emotions all over the Internet).
     
    #1 Substitute, May 1, 2015
    Last edited: May 1, 2015
  2. mukumuku

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    I think that losing interest after 5 years is totally understandable - passion rarely lasts. I'd probably lean more towards just getting bored of him, rather than that being an indication of you not being into guys. But you could totally be gay.

    Keep in mind women's sexualities are very fluid. There is plenty of research that shows we're highly influenced by cultural/social/personal factors, and there are some psychologists who've argued that all women are inherently bisexual to some degree (whereas men's sexualities tend to be very stable). Who we like, what we like, and how much we like it can differ wildly over time. I would not pressure yourself to come up with a specific label and just go with the flow.
     
  3. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I guess I'm a man then and some men I know are secretly women since they're far more fluid than I am

    As for the OP, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes our tastes change and it can take a while to discover who we are.
     
  4. mukumuku

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    I said "some psychologists", not all psychologists nor myself personally. And "tend to" as in typically but not always. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Okay good lol And I personally agree most of them are, and being complete kinsey 0/6 is rare (though it gets lonely for us when we are since there's a lot of invalidation for us)
     
  6. mukumuku

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    Interesting research but problematic for sure - especially when you've got dudes who go after lesbians thinking they're going to get somewhere :dry: