I know a lot of the stuff here's mostly posted by people looking for advice ... and I know this doesn't quite fall under "support" either, but whatevs, it's related to sexual attraction, romantic orientation. So I figured I'd write it to see if anyone relates! For pretty much my whole life long I've been anxious about getting into a serious romantic relationship with anyone, whenever I even think of it. I know for some people it's like this critically important thing that they feel "empty" without. My roommate was one such guy. But as for me, I distanced myself from it ... and if I ever felt feelings of jealousy, I took a step back and asked myself whether or not such a relationship would really make me feel happier. Usually the answer was "no, get over yourself and be happy for your friend." And for the most part, that's just what I did. It's worked pretty well. Anyway ... I felt something kinda different the other day. One of my friends (genderqueer, I think) I'd recently just come out to. We actually had a kind of sweet heart-to-heart, really caught up with each other since it'd been a while since we'd met face to face. We were alone for a little while. And the whole time we were alone I suddenly got this onslaught of thoughts that I don't normally have around people in social situations. Like "wow I'd be really okay with you cuddling me, and doing whatever." I felt like out of nowhere I could go all the way. Hit all the bases together. That kind of thing. But I kept it all under wraps and we parted on totally platonic terms. Those feelings were just so "in the moment." I don't feel them now, in this instant. Usually I pride myself on my discipline but that was like, a major sexual feelings attack, for lack of a better way to phrase it. Mentally, I still don't think I'm ready for a real romantic relationship, I know there's got to be more to it than just that fleeting sex drive. But still ... in all my life this is honestly the first time I've gotten this feeling around someone. As confusing and kinda fucked up as it felt ... in a way it also felt ... really good? Such a little thing, I know, lol. But it was new for me. So I had to share it.
It's not a little thing to you, so it's not a little thing (*hug*) Do you plan to pursue your friend? Sounds like your heart to heart was a good conversation.