Hello Everyone, I have been married for 2 years tomorrow and have been with my husband for 5 years before that. He is the most loving and supportive person I have met and I have no questions over my love and sexual attraction to that man. What I do have is a word which i only just recently learned of 'pansexual' which has just resonated with me on a deep level. I am a health professional currently studying sexology in Australia and this word floated around in those spheres and struck a chord. I did some reading and have never felt so many feelings all at once! I have often struggled having conversations with people about my sexual orientation because nothing has ever felt right. I have been thinking about my experiences, fantasies and yearnings in the past and suddenly see things from a new perspective. an 'uh-huh' type moment. What I am scared about is that I am excited about a new concept and learning rather than truly identifying. I wanted to just put a few things out there about how I'm feeling to you guys to explore this very new concept and whether it fits for me. I have always, as long as I can remember been attracted to people - for who they are - their bodies never really entered into it. Yes I still find people attractive and not attractive however that is not defined in boobs, penis and vaginas but a curve of skin, a vulnerability, a power, a set of piercing eyes. It's always about the connection and the conversation. Always. I have been reflecting on how I flirt and feel towards people I find attractive. I basically put a personal, private, shocking fact out there with them and see how they respond. I make myself vulnerable and converse my way out of it in the hopes of making a deep and personal connection with them. I have been hurt SO many times and I know this is probably unsafe but I always felt like it was necessary to progress to a sexual relationship. Having said that I use this *horrific* strategy with people I want to be friends with too. I still don't know what this means. My husband and I are very interested in the concept of sharing - other people that is - he wants to see me fucked by another man. I want to explore my sexuality with women. I have never had sex with another female. I have been too scared. I feel like that may be a reflection of my own insecurity with another woman it's not necessarily about penetrative sex it's about exploring someone elses body and mind and that connection and sensuality. I think more often in my fantasies about women than men but both and multiple can take a star role. I have been brought up very religious and didn't lose my virginity until i was 18. I am no longer religious but feel a lot of guilt and shame and anxiety over sex stuff. I feel this has been born through that upbringing and I feel quite a lot of anger over that. I want to explore my sexuality within my marriage and want to be safe about it. I don't want to hold onto the label of pansexuality if it is not who I am and most importantly I don't want to hurt someone else through my exploration. I have had conversations with people who identify as lesbian in the past and have been met with anger and mistrust over being 'selfish' and 'another stupid straight girl wanting to "explore" for one night'. God it's fucking hard. I would love to talk more about this but i've already written war and peace... Thanks for reading this if you got this far. Anyone prepared to help me figure this out through some robust discussion?? xo
I think even if you are just a straight girl wanting to experiment you have the right to do that as long as your husband is ok with it. You just need to find someone else ok with it. You might be pansexual, or maybe someone else has a better idea of an inclusive label. I don't have a lot of experience, but I'm happy to chat and try to help you figure everything out. :smilewave (*hug*)
Hmm. Starting from the top... Have you ever felt romantically attracted, in love, with another woman? If you have not, and are uncapable of being in love with women (although that might be difficult to know for sure, of course), a fitting label could be heteroromantic bisexual. Note that I bring in romance into the picture also. If you are capable of being in love with other women, simply bisexual might be appropriate. Pansexual signifies, broadly speaking, that overwhelmingly, neither biological sex nor gender identity nor gender expression, is an obstacle for your personal attraction. That is how I feel, thus I identify as pansexual and panromantic. However, that does not mean that you cannot have preferences. For example, I find tomboys and androgynous cross-dressing guys very attractive, but I don't find drag queens attractive (no offense to anyone of course <3). I think it's really cool, but not attractive. Then again, drag queens are not necessarily expressing their gender, they can just do it for fun... It is obvious that there is a lot of ambiguity in the term pansexual... I mean, it means 'all-sexual', but certainly one cannot have a taste for every dress code that anyone ever tries that is not strictly cisnormative, etc. etc. It is also possible to be heteroromantic pansexual or heteroflexible panromantic, or some other pan variety. If you feel that pansexual suits you, then that's probably for a reason, I think. But if you want to be sure, you can ask yourself some questions: Are you/can you be attracted to crossdressers? Do you find certain gender expression a turn-on/turn-off? Could you see yourself romantically invested in a relationship with a woman? Could you see yourself in a relationship with a transman, transwoman, or non-binary person? Hope that helps! <3
