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Does anything change your attractions?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Shift, May 4, 2015.

  1. Shift

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    Thanks for reading. I want to see if there is anyone like me.

    If I could define sexual attraction, I would say mine are changeable, and heavily influenced by my surroundings.

    To make it easy on you, I'm going to list reasons why I think I'm gay or straight.
    Afterwards, I'll list things I've noticed "push" me in either direction.

    Straight
    • Only masturbated to women until 20.
    • Get turned on by kissing and touching women.
    • Get turned on when sexting women.
    • I've fantasized about and have enjoyed going down on girls.
    • I'm lazy - might cause bottom preference.
    • Have had girlfriends, and had alot of feelings for them.
    • My "sensual" fantasies where I imagine all senses being stimulated are almost always with women.
    • I've gotten off to lesbian and solo girl videos.
    • I've gotten a dick buzz from girls, might have been the butt though.
    • Which both sexes have.
    • I don't really like kissing guys, or caressing.
    • I've gagged when attempting to suck a guy, and not from taking on too much.
    • I'm hardly ever attracted to guys out in public. I don't think about them sexually usually.
    • I lean to the submissive side, bottoming is a submissive action, and I can't tell if 'm sexualizing low self-esteem.

    Gay
    • I've hooked up with guys.
    • I've finished while bottoming, hands free.
    • I've sometimes failed to get hard with women.
    • I've been burned by women so I can't tell if I'm just avoiding.
    • I've used ED pills to have sex with women.
    • I've gotten off to gay videos, albeit only ones with power dynamics.
    • I've had an urge to hook up with a guy before, once though.
    • Have gay fantasies.
    • Have had a "cuckold" fetish.
    • Don't usually have that "primal" approach to sex with women, I prefer slow and sensual, and I feel like that's not the norm.
    • I've gotten turned on going down on a guy.
    • I've gotten turned on bottoming and topping. And finished doing both.
    • I've always felt "different."

    Ok then. Now for the things I believe cause shifts.

    Straight
    • When I go without digital erotica/release for more than 4 days.
    • In the morning after I've gone out the night before.
    • When it's hot outside.
    • When I drink.
    • After I've hooked up with a guy.
    • When I work out.
    • When a girl wears a dress, heels, or jewelry.
    • When a girl sends an emoji (I'm weird I know).

    Gay
    • When it's cold.
    • When I'm feeling down.
    • If it's the next 2 or 3 days after I've gotten off.
    • After I've hooked up with a girl.
    • When I lose at something.
    • When I take my adderall.
    • When I smoke.

    I want to know if there is anyone who feels they can relate to this list, and if so, what label do you give yourself today? Personally, I don't pay labels much mind. My aim here is to get outside opinions so that I can make a more informed decision on who I'll eventually give myself to.

    Or I may just throw caution to the wind if the someone pops out. Either way, I'd love to know if any other guys are like this.
     
    #1 Shift, May 4, 2015
    Last edited: May 4, 2015
  2. danielo21

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    Hey Shift

    You can't know this king of thing with a list. I mean, it is good to have your thoughs ordered and stuff, but I think it is overanalyzing too much.some straights don't like going down, some gays don't like anal, etc...

    The first question I would ask myself is
    Do I love women enough to be with them for the rest of my life withouth being with men ever again?

    When I am with a girl, does it seem that there is something missing or lacking?
     
  3. socalguitarguy

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    I second what daneilo21 said. Though it is an impressive list you've come up with and shows you are very introspective, ultimately I think you are overthinking things.

    Some of the things on the list are more meaningful than others. The fact that you've had girlfriends in the past and had feelings for them shows you are capable of feeling for a girl. Plus the sexual interest element is there as well. Whether you are more submissive, whether you've always felt "different" or whether your sexual preferences are "the norm" doesn't say much about your orientation in my opinion, nor does the fact that you've had some performance issues in the past.

    Also, your interest in guys seems to be pretty limited to the sexual. Have you ever had emotional attraction for a guy, or can you see that happening?

    Ultimately all you can do is act based on what feels right to you. You may not be able to attain 100% certainty before action. Is possible that you are capable of feeling for both guys and girls, and you just need to find the right person. Hope that helps!
     
  4. Shift

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    Thanks for the replies SoCalguitarguy and Danielo!

    Danielo, you make a good point. And what worries me is that I'm not sure I could give either up forever. Maybe I'd be ok if there's a girl out there who is into strap on play, but that seems like wishful thinking. And I think sometimes it feels like something is missing and sometimes it doesn't. It's really weird and honestly, bugs me to the point of coming up with a list to figure it out lol.

    And SoCalguitarguy, I don't think I've ever had emotional attraction to a guy. The closest I think I could come is a really good guy friend, we hug and say love you man and stuff, but when I do or say things like that, there is no sexual element whatsoever. I even looked out for it, I actually think being open and cool with him was more of a turn-off.

    But on one or two occasions I have also fantasized about holding hands with a guy or something like that, but I can't tell if it's the fact that it seems wrong that is the turn on.

    A lot of times the guy I occasionally hook up with will text just trying to talk, and I don't reply because I don't feel like it (I told him upfront my attractions change.)

    But I also haven't tried having romantic feelings for a guy, so that bugs me too. I may just have a no-stone-left-unturned mindset.

    I think I should also add the guys in my fantasies are never a specific person, and I've read that when this is the case it can mean you're using the person as a "prop" and that they are faceless because they are fulfilling some other desire? I could be wrong about that though, and apologies for no link, I saw this awhile back.

    I think part of me is worried I won't be able to find an accepting person on either side of the fence if I come out bi.
     
    #4 Shift, May 6, 2015
    Last edited: May 6, 2015
  5. Jax12

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    Overthinking it doesn't get you anywhere I can guarantee you that. While I kept going a depressive episode here and there, with time I was starting to accept myself day by day.

    It takes time dude, whatever it turns out to be.