I've been attracted to women all my life, then me and my best friend met. We weren't falling in love at first sight, to be honest I really didn't even like him. I was never attracted to a male, before I met him but since we met I've been attracted to 3 or 4 men AT MOST 1 other than him is all I can recall. Well, I move out the apartment area we lived in (i'm 15, we met when I was 11, this occurred when I was 13) When I say I didn't like him I meant, we had a trio and to me he was the third wheel. Well he came over, and we did some homo stuff but we played it off like it was nothing like just jokes. We would often fake romance, and slowly he grew on me. Like REALLY grew on me. I had a wrestling match with him(He's short) and instead of trying to beat him down, I attempted to go into sexual maneuvers with him and etc. . It was thrilling I loved it. I told him jokingly I would suck his dick if he won, I wasn't meant to joke about it before just tried to pass it off like that. And we made a deal, and I lost on purpose. When it was time I was disgusted, I couldn't do it the very thought made it sick and we broke oath. I've also slowly made moves I played with his 'junk' and gave him a handjob when he was fake sleeping. I've been attracted to females my whole life, sometimes it gets intense my favorite type of porn is lesbian. Simply I'm in love with females, if I was more attractive, rich, and STDs didn't exist. I'd have sex with females everyday, like 3 or 4 times. I'm attracted to gay blowjobs(Until other stuff like cumming occurs) I'm not attracted to gay sex. Yet my attraction to my friend is crazy! It's like a 10/10 I want to be with him, but I don't want to. I have an oxymoron of not being attracted to him, but being attracted to him. I've tried to make out with him before, but I don't want to because he's not attractive but at the same time I want to make out with him. I just want to know what the hell I am, I want to have gay sex with him, but I feel like there is no coming back for something like that. I would feel guilty, and if I didn't like it I dunno what i'd do probably be traumatized for my whole life. Most of all I really just don't want to be gay or bisexual, and I don't want to be with him but I do. You see I'm confused. I've already come to the terms I'm in love with him and if I wanted to do things with him i'm 99% sure he would be down.
