Hi there to anyone that feels they can advise me on why my head is such a mess right now! I'm 34 2 young kids fantastic boyfriend he's really my best friend to. Life is ok hectic but good. I've always had somewhat of a an attraction to woman from my late teens. I have had maybe 2 encounters and one resulted in sex but with a girl an guy so I'm not counting that I feel that I did that for the experiment of doing it and don't regret it life's for living right? Well all through the years I away in an out of looking at woman seeing them as attractive and I get more turned on by the thoughts of woman than me like for example if my bf wants to watch porn I always kind of nudge him into watching 2 woman because that's what turns me on. I find when in out an about I start to see detect if I'm talkin to a girl an she's maybe bi or a lesbian I know this prob sounds but nuts but I've gone through life just telling myself I'm bi. And it's like it didn't bother me for past couple of years but all of a sudden I feel I really want to get with a woman sexually an to talk an stuff an see were exactly my head is at its driving me nuts. I'm your typical girly girl like I wear make up an stuff but I do have a Tom boyish side like I can change a car tire I'm into cars an bikes lol I feel though that's me just being an independent female am not needing a man to wire a plug lol hell I will do it myself lol I'm a go getter that way but my sister has said ur very feminine it u have a serious Tom boyish side to lol so that's not helped my thinking in this scenario .... I feel so bad but I've actually joined a girl only bi / lesbian dating web site , hence the title says cowards way out... I know it's wrong as I'm in a relationship an it's great an stuff but e would be crushed if he thought I was cheating in so scared I don't want to tell him that I'm having these thoughts and feelings I feel like they mite just go away an keep tellin myself to not think about it ... But being with a woman is on my mind all the time an it only hit me the other day that I've been up an down on this like a yoyo all my life I go a time an don't think about it an life's great can enjoy sexy with my big then out of no were bang I'm here again doubting myself ... I mean I would seriously appreciate anyone's advice or any light people can she's on this is starting to upset me now we're in so scared my bf will pick up on me not been fully involved in our relationship. I mean how do I work my head out an stop this merry go round that's keeps throwing me on an off I feel so depressed right now just in a down way nothing seri but I would really appreciate any help or advice or lift anyone can shred I'm happy to answer any questions as openly and honestly as possible thanks in advance Ciara xx
Hi Ciara, It sounds like you're experiencing a shift in your desires, which some bi people do get (periods where they're more attracted to one gender). That's okay, that's natural, but it sounds like it's making you do some regrettable things and also making you become a bit obsessed. So let's get a few things straight: Your gender expression (being tomboy or feminine) and hobbies (cars or lipstick, whatever it is) don't mean anything in regards to your sexualtiy. You're not single. What I'm getting from your post is that your boyfriend, the father of your children (possibly?), is not aware of your bisexuality. I think letting him know would be a good thing. For one thing, it's a significant part of yourself that someone who shares your life deserves to be told. For another, continuing as you have may seriously endanger your relationship, because... You joined a dating site. It doesn't matter whether it's a lesbian dating site or any other dating site. It's just not something you do when you're in a monogamous relationship, which I'm assuming you are. You haven't told your boyfriend about this dating site. Big red flag. You said you would be crushed if he thought you were cheating, but the fact is, you've already taken a step in that direction. The following is just what I think you could do to make your situation clearer: Decide what your feelings about your boyfriend are. Do you love him, are you sexually attracted to him, do you want to stay in this relationship? Analyse your attractions to women. Do you just want sex? Do you want an emotional relationship with a woman? And is this more or less important to you than your current relationship? Talk to your boyfriend. If you love him and want to be with him, either you ignore your attractions to women, or you tell him about them and talk to him about the possibility of opening up your relationship if that's something you're cool with. Be prepared to be told "no," and do not pressure him into saying yes. If you decide the relationship isn't fulfilling enough for you, then you might have to consider breaking up.
Hi Lyana Wow lol just an awesome post thank you so much for your time honestly you just don't know the difference it makes. Firstly yes you are right about the red flag I need slapped with that red flag lol omg what was I thinking I shall delete my profile on the said dating site after I have a serious word with myself in the mirror bad Ciara. I don't think I fully understood how to filter an execute my thoughts and feelings in this particular area of my life as it feels somewhat alien but kind of something I'm used to dealing with as it crops up at least once a year were my feelings and thoughts drift to this aspect of my life. so resorting to those measures is obviously a cop out an truly not me as I'm a hands on , take it on the chin kind of girl I don't have the tendency to hide from issues I usually face them, deal with them head on an have many examples in my life as I've 4 year old twins and I gave reared them alone whilst working full time keeping a house and car. My current partner of 2 years is great with the Twins although they are aware he's not there dad as I feel honesty is best route with children growing up to preserve there mental health, which I feel strongly about given our situation is not unique or uncommon but not the "norm" either as I believe us humans come pre programmed to feel the dynamics of a family consists of both parents so although I've never tried to compensate for there absent father only in the firm of been honest with them, and acting like our situation is normal, there dad is back on the scene an I portray we are friends and he's great (because they think he is ) purely for there benefit. So clearly I'm intelligent enough to know right from wrong , I've no idea why I've taken the measures I have given my attraction to woman, I am not going to dress it up an simply say it's a cop out!! My bad lol It's just weird I was plodding along then bang I get the urge to be with a woman start to feel that sexual attraction again, even wonder what a relationship would be like with a woman, I don't think I've ever known how to deal with it when I get these urges / thoughts desires wtc , But I think in honestly it's actually both but it's more sexually than romantically but I wouldnt dismiss the idea of being romantic with a woman at all i am totally comfortable with that. As for my poor partner who I don't deserve lol (I hate myself right now) I guess I now see I need to look at the relationship a bit more closely and decide if I am truly happy and satisfied and if it's a trigger in me feeling like this or it's just me and do begging more deep rooted. I do love him , I do enjoy our sex life 90% of the time other 10% I either feel tired or can't be bothered or would rather be having sex with a woman. Regards taking to him I really don't know he's a bit paranoid at times and I would hate to end up that he didn't even trust me going to the ladies on a night out lol if that makes sense, but he is cool an understanding so mane I am being unfair and need to just figure out a tactful way to approach the subject which considers his feelings and insecurities, and not sabotaging our relationship. I sound a night mare dont i lol but honestly thanks so much for your time it's amazing what another persons perspective is on things and how you can miss even the most obvious things Ciara xx
Don't, please don't. There's no reason to. You're having doubts about certain things, and that's okay. Don't feel guilty about your attraction to women, because that's out of your control. And being able to love two genders is a great thing. I hope I was able to help, really, and that you'll be able to figure out what you want, and maybe how to discuss it with your partner. Your relationship sounds strong, and if it's meant to resist this, it will. If you have more questions -- maybe if you decide to talk to your partner about your struggle --, people here will be glad to help.
Hey Lyana No your advice is just what I needed thank you honestly. I am going to Vegas on holiday with the my partner (no kids) whoop woop ( obviously I will miss them) lol so I plan an having a full chill out an loads of fun with my bf and so I have decided to wait till then to talk to my bf about my feelings. I know the other option is to try shrug it off an work on the relationship not that it needs loads of work but fully dedicate myself to it. And forget this urge / want / need / desire or what ever it is exists , But I feel that's kind of unfair an dishonest to him an myself. I don't want to any longer forget that I feel like this. So I am going to test the water an sit down an talk to my bf and get it all of my chest an hopefully he understands and see were I go from there, and will definitely keep you posted an maybe some one else can benefit from my experience as it's not unique I have been reading stories on EC and it seems common to get to this point in your life and question yourself, but seriously thank you Ciara x
As I was reading, I was getting ready to say pretty much all the things Lyana brilliantly posted. Here's my spin: 1. Talk to your boyfriend. You never know, he might be interested in an open relationship or a threesome, or something else that would help you 'scratch the itch' 2. Decide what *you* want. Him, a girlfriend, both? It might not happen, but at least in your head, you should know what you want and what you are willing to settle with. For me, it's upsetting to think I might never be with a woman, but at least right now, it's way more upsetting to think about not being with my husband. If the two are mutually exclusive, I pick him (at least now... I'm learning to get more comfortable with ambiguity in my sexuality and what I thought marriage meant). 3. Figure out the steps to get/keep your goals. Read books, meet up with people, maintain status quote, whatever you think will help you be there. 4. Most everyone here will tell you not to cheat. Sex is sex. At least do him the courtesy of ending the relationship or seeing if he would be ok with occasional experimentation or whatever you really want. Good luck!
Hey Bi Thanks for reply I hear ya lol Oh your right the cheating thing is just terrible I'm disappointed I stooped so low but nipped in the bud one the less. So I won't go there. But you make a real good food for thought there as I take it your in a similar situation Your married and I take it your bi lol so you say the thought of not having your husband around is to much an out weighs your want so that's something I need to consider to see how that makes me feel suppose it's a test of strength in which you sound so atrong so I need to look at things like that to maybe could I be happier with out my bf around to pursue my want to be with a woman or is it a no brainier an I just can't be with out him ?? Who knows but that's def an angle I'm Gina to use when thinking this threw in my head. Thanks for that it's a good point really, Ciara xx
