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Bisexual Preferences

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheStormInside, May 6, 2015.

  1. TheStormInside

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    I am curious, for those who are bisexual, if you have a "preference" how do you experience that? Is it that you are more often attracted to one gender over the other? Or that you are more strongly attracted to one over the other? Some combination therein? Something I've not thought of at all?

    I generally consider myself Kinsey 5 lesbian, because sometimes I have a very minor attraction to a guy, but it seems little enough I have no desire to act on it. I know people fall all over the spectrum and experience things in a myriad of ways. I'm just curious, especially for those who have a heavy preference for one gender over the other, what that feels like, and why you might consider yourself bi vs. gay or straight.
     
  2. Spacewalker

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    I kind of vary a lot with those 'combinations'.
    Sometimes I'm more romantically attracted to guys and then to girls again. Same with sexually, kind of confusing.
    But I can say almost always I'm more attracted in whatever way to girls. So it's sth like 70% girls and the rest is guys.
    Actually a month ago I was sure I'm fully gay but actually I have to say I feel much more comfortable to call myself bi, well bc that just gives me more space and feels better. If that makes any sense.
    Hope i got your thread/question correctly:slight_smile:
     
  3. bi2me

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    Being married, and generally only attracted to people I'm already close with, I've only had two "loves" in my life - one of each. I'm not really sure how it would play out, but the people I've kind of thought might be cute if I got to know them better are usually women
     
  4. biAnnika

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    I am a Kinsey 4...pretty strongly so, I'd say. I definitely get physically/sexually attracted to both men and women. But it can be complicated...physically alone, my eyes will notice, and an idle fantasy may spark...but it's casual and nothing. But as I get to know a person, that experience can deepen. But unless the person is "the whole package" (meaning an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual fit), it's unlikely to move to that deeper level of desire or fantasy. And the interesting thing is that there are simply extremely few men whom I've found to be "the whole package"...despite there being a number of such women. So in that sense, I am more attracted to women than men, not in magnitude, but in sheer numbers.

    And then there is the fact that I *cannot* envision ever being able to live with a man. I just can't picture it. Maybe as a third housemate with another woman...but me and a man alone? I can't see it. I would go insane. Masculine energy and style is lovely for a conversation, an evening...a night, maybe...possibly a lovely long weekend...I don't know how far it can be pushed, frankly...that is untested water for me. But anything like an open-ended timeframe would make me stir-crazy for female energy; and not just for a night. I look at straight friend couples I know, and I am often struck by just how unendurably *lonely* I would feel if I was in her position...living with someone to whom on some level, I was an alien, and who was to me on some level an alien. I honestly get depressed thinking about it.

    So I think those count as at least the two main ways in which I experience my preference for women. Do they make sense? Anything new in there for you?
     
  5. blackhatguy

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    Usually, if I check someone out it's a guy. In the halls on campus, on the street, on vacation, usually it's a dude. But every now and then a girl catches my eye. The other day I ran into a girl who'd been in one of my classes, and it caught me off guard because I didn't realize how attracted to her I'd been.
     
  6. woahthatsboring

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    I see myself as a Kinsey two but I think it's easier to represent myself as bisexual since I am also highly attracted to women too. Anyways, back to your question I do have a slighter preference for males but I am equally attracted to females too. Physically, yes but emotionally I think it's easier for me to attach to a guy and that's where the preference is distinguished between the two. Since I'm recently finding out my sexuality that could be the why I'm easily attracted to guys but I don't deny I'm into women, the pull just isn't ss as strong. I kind of rambled but I hope this helps whatever you're looking for! :slight_smile:
     
  7. MetalRice

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    I'd say I am a Kinsey 1.5 or 2, I have clear attraction romantically and sexually to men - but my attractions to women are significantly stronger; and I get aroused by women much easier then I do men.

    At least currently of course.
     
  8. TheStormInside

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    Thanks for your responses, everyone, they are more varied than I even expected :lol: . I knew there would be differences for everyone, but each experience is so individual that it can even be hard to compare. I think it's important to understand this, though. I've always felt that the categories (gay, bisexual, straight) were broad, but I suppose bisexuality is going to be the most broad considering the wide range of people it describes.

    Do you get an *ahem* physical response when you see these random men and women?

    For me, I seem to notice both, but women overwhelmingly more frequently. And the "reaction" when I see a woman I'm attracted to is like being hit with a sledgehammer. Whereas with a guy, if I feel anything at all it'll just be a very minor and easily missed "tingle." I think with men more often than not I am admiring their looks, rather than being genuinely attracted.

    This is interesting and something I hadn't really considered. I guess I'm not really drawn to men with particularly "masculine" energy in the first place, so it's hard for me to conceive of this. Even when I believed I was straight I wanted nothing to do with "guy guys." My guy friends are artists and nerds. My one genuine guy crush was both. And even with him, when we got together, I didn't want to move in together.

    I'm curious, how would you feel about a male roommate? Would that be different to you than living with a male boyfriend/partner? Or would it still not have the right feel?
     
  9. KrazyKav

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    I have been asked what percentage I am and found it difficult to answer. I was confused as to what people thought bisexuality was. "Do they actually see me as gay and in denial?" I have not had a bf before but I am open to the idea of having one as much as I am to having a girlfriend.

    As far as preference goes I only have types of men and women that I like and would date. For me there is no, mainly towards guys or girls but I have seen and heard differently. :icon_bigg
     
  10. MetalRice

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    Happy to respond. I never mind sharing my feelings and experiences, and it's sometimes really nice to read others; as that can sometimes help me get a better understanding of myself.
     
  11. biAnnika

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    It can vary, from the easily-missed tingle you describe to a stop-in-your-tracks "whoa, damn!" moment, to a "whoa, damn" with full-fledged little (completely unrealistic) fantasy. I think my mood has a lot to do with it. But with certain people it can make holding an intelligent conversation very...mmm, stammery, lol.

    I am never drawn to men with *strong* male energy...I've never been one for "manly men" either. But I find that men do have an energy distinct from women. The male energy that gay men put out is like crack to me, LOL. I have some gay male friends whose sexuality I lament semi-regularly. *sigh*

    The few straight men I find myself attracted to definitely have muted male energy...but it's still distinct from female energy, and I still don't think I could commit to living in that environment permanently.

    I've also known a handful of bisexual men in real life...how I deal with their energy is pretty mixed. I can be attracted...but still, there's that thing that says living together permanently (and particularly, monogamously...although that's a whole other issue) would be hell.

    My partner asked me about this earlier. I think the lack of stakes with a roommate could make that work quite well...whether or not there was sex involved. When there's nothing riding on it, the whole "women/men are alien to me" thing can be rather fun and playful. It's when the person I should be closest to...the person I want to be closest to...can't understand me...that's where it gets depressing.

    Now there could be other issues that could make having a male roommate unreasonably challenging...but I'm willing to accept that there is enough variation among men that I'd be able to find someone who would work. The thing is, and what makes the roommate idea work well, is that if you don't like a roommate, you can walk out or get rid of them...committing to a partner is a different issue entirely.
     
  12. Johnwash51

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    I had the worst expericnce with a Bisexual man, he was flirting with me and touching me. One day he asked to come to his home and I went, as we knew each other and when he started touching me, I slapped him.
    Dude that day I felt violated and hate bisexual people because they hurt both party's feelings :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  13. bi2me

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    Having a bad experience with one person should hopefully not turn you away from that group forever!
     
  14. guitar

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    I suppose you could call me bisexual - though I'm largely hetero-romantic rather than wanting to sleep with girls. My first boyfriend was bisexual and he was about a Kinsey 3. He basically said "when I'm with a guy, I'm gay, when I'm with a girl, I'm straight. I like both about the same."

    With that said, there are certainly bi people with preferences. There are quite a few Kinsey 1 or 5 people who basically have a preference for one sex, but if the right person came along, they would consider it and be totally in love with that person.
     
  15. TheStormInside

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    I agree with bi2me, I hope you won't judge all other bisexual people from this one individual's behavior. It's kind of like saying you hate all short people because once a short person cut you in line at the shop or something :confused: .


    I feel like that's sort of where I am, and I still struggle a bit with whether I should call myself lesbian/gay or bi. Generally I lean toward just saying gay as it seems more accurate. I've only been in one relationship and it was with a guy who was my best friend for nearly 10 years. So of course, I loved him. And I was emotionally attracted to him and wanted to be with him romantically. But physically it just wasn't there. And while I have some very minor attractions to men on occasion I haven't really met one I wanted to sleep with, even in "fantasy."

    So would you say you're similar, then? If you have been romantically, but not sexually, attracted to women? Do you consider yourself bi generally, or gay?

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2015 at 06:09 PM ----------

    Thanks for explaining all that. Personally I don't think I have those "whoa damn!" moments with guys, but with women, as you said, it can make conversation a bit difficult at times :icon_redf .

    I guess I'm just not as attuned to the energies you describe, as it's not something I tend to perceive a lot in my life. Certainly I can tell the difference between masculinity and femininity, but it doesn't seem to hit me in the way that it does for you. As for gay men, mostly I admire their dress and grooming habits (if they are that particular stereotype, anyway) :lol: . What do these energies feel like?

    That makes sense. I've always been friends with my roommates, myself, but even then it is not the same as being in a relationship with someone you are living with, and the level of commitment as well as life-entanglement that involves.
     
  16. MetalRice

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    I'd honestly say I'm kind of like you in that regard, through my reactions to men are often just a wee bit stronger then yours it seems; and I have had a few guys where I got the sledgehammer feeling.
     
  17. biAnnika

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    Great. Always nice to know I'm hated by some doofus who hasn't even met me and doesn't necessarily even know I exist.
     
  18. sldanlm

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    I've only been sexually attracted to one particular guy so far, all other attractions have been for females.
     
  19. Chiroptera

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    Same as blackhatguy.
     
  20. biAnnika

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    Sheesh, yer really makin' me think here! Ok..."whoa, damn!" much more often happens with women, no question. Fantasies happen with both. I have to ask myself, though, if the prevalence of "whoa, damn!" with women has to do with the fact that that is where the vast bulk of my sexual experience is located. I've been exclusive with a female partner since I was 19 years old (and broke up with a woman to start seeing my partner). So if there is some comparative lack of vividness or punch to my hotflashes with guys, it could be that I'm simply out of practice with that reality? When I stop and give it some thought, I definitely reach "whoa" pretty quickly...but viscerally, on sight, the fantasy springs to mind...except in extreme cases, LOL. Ok...I admit that I'm confused on this topic.

    Man, now that's almost downright unfair. That's like saying, "I was born without eyes...so tell me...what's this 'sight' like that you speak of?" On the other hand, I like a challenge.

    Perhaps I can do this indirectly. You recognize that men and women smell different, right? Not just different use of scents, soaps, etc.; but when we're both sweaty and all the special scented crap is gone (not super-ripe or anything; just natural)...our bodies smell different. Imagine, if you can, that that smell is a feeling...not an emotion, but something you can feel subtly, like a breeze...a gentle but steady breeze that is always coming from the person. If this makes even the slightest bit of sense to you, then this is pretty close to what that energy feels like. Does that help at all?