I mainly hate it because no one takes my sexuality seriously. Especially straight males. They all see me as potential sex partner even if I reveal my sexuality. They're mostly crappy internet guys, but I think they're like that in real life as well. I just feel so invalidated. I've experimented with telling people I'm asexual or greysexual. It's going okay, but some people don't believe it exists. I don't really mind so far. I'm just trying to get away from the pressure of being straight. Part of me wishes I could just be a stereotypical dyke. People take their sexuality way more seriously. I'm just seen as a confused straight or bi girl. I don't want to be with a man even though I sometimes feel like I'm attracted to them.
Well if femme is who you are cherish it... I'd say don't take others too seriously... and there are other femmes who report they also are not easily spotted as lesbians... In fact the stereotypes themselves are changing... people becoming more and more versatile... hugs
I like that as well. It's pretty nice to be able to interact with people and not worry too much about homophobia. Things just get shitty when I actually want to come out.
I hear you 100%. Lesbians often assume I am bisexual or bicurious, and treat me as such no matter what. Bi woman assume that I'm also bi, and are sometimes not very kind about me correcting them, or calling them out on lesbophobic bias. Straight men hit on me, and think I'm just giving them a chase if I tell them I'm gay. I really like having male friends. I feel like I can identify with straight men very easily, in a lot of ways. It's not easy to do, though. Even when the cishet guy is accepting of me, which is super rare, other people insist that we are obviously experiencing romantic/sexual feelings for each other, and won't accept that we are just friends. Femme lesbians are also super sexualized, by both men and women. I like wearing make-up, skirts, and dresses, but sometimes I feel like I'm walking pornography. Sometimes women are even worse than men! They'll make random comments on how much better women are at giving oral sex than men are. It's like okay..... but I just wanted to talk about movies? Smh.
That must really suck. My style is a bit more casual, so I don't really wear skirts or dresses. I do have some traditionally male interests, but guys can't see past my feminine exterior. I hope that when I start dating people won't think I'm bicurious. I enjoy wearing tight clothes, but I always get way more male attention. I try to ignore it and be blissfully unaware of it, but my female family members like to point it out.
Actually, I have found dating to be different. The assumption of bicuriosity and bisexuality has been my experience when looking for new friends, support groups, etc. In dating, though, I haven't had any trouble convincing lesbians that I'm gay. I think it's just more obvious in a date setting. Men just aren't on my radar at all, and when I'm looking at a woman from across the table like I want to rip her shirt off, it's not exactly hard to believe I'm a homo, hahahaha.
I love being Femme. I don't like the 'stealth lesbian' thing, but if a guy flirts with me, I will be friendly back and let them know that I am taken already. I don't find it offensive that someone finds me attractive. To do so would be the same thing as a straight person getting all upset a gay person hit on them. I am always the one who is never thought to be gay so it's great to get to know others with this in place as they are unguarded and I get to know what they really feel about gay people and it help me weed out idiots. I find that some women will not see me as quickly because they don't want to use the 'gender role' thing because they don't want to offend, so it confuses them as to who is straight and who is not. Femme women have a few signifiers that straight women do not, I don't care how 'straight acting' or 'passing' you are, we have them. This generation is not taught to look for them for fear of labels, roles and being thought of as wrong or sexist so they don't see us. Also, people are more gender queer these days and this confuses things. That's my .02
I don't have a problem with being femme because it's what I'm comfortable with identifying with and if someone has a problem with that or they think I'm confused then it's their problem. I know it can suck because you'll constantly have people thinking that you're just experimenting or simply just curious, but the best thing I think you can do is just try and embrace what you are. You shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone to be respected as who you are.
