I've talked to and dated *lots* of men in the past, but I never really felt an emotional connection to them. At best, I've been mentally stimulated by them. I've only ever felt an emotional connection with a woman -- who I subsequently fell in love. Although this was an online relationship (with phone & webcam), it was the best relationship I've ever been in. I've actually only ever talked to or dated 2 women, so I tend to think that this is pretty significant. Yesterday I also had a long, deep conversation with a lesbian I met in a chatroom -- and again, I felt what I felt with the girl I dated. It just feels like everything I've been missing in my relationships with men. I smiled and laughed incessantly and felt so comfortable and warm and excited and got completely lost in the conversation. I never feel that with men.. ever. And yet I still seem to have some sort of sexual attraction towards them, especially for their genetalia. But I almost feel like it's more of a curiosity/fetish thing because when it comes down to it I don't really like sexual activities with them that much. I think handjobs are boring and blowjobs are disgusting and sex is generally uncomfortable (but this might be partially due to a medical issue) and I get nothing out of pleasing them (but I *love* hearing a woman moan). It's as if the *thought* of it is arousing but the actual activity itself is just.. no. Also, I apparently like cuddling with and kissing them sometimes. And every once in a while I get crushes. I kinda just want my feelings for men to go away. They just feel like a waste. I don't want to be sexual with them because it's not that enjoyable (and I end up getting attached anyway -- and then sometimes dumped) and I don't want a relationship with them because I know it won't be fulfilling no matter how hard I try. I just want to be a full on lesbian. Even if that means finding a date will be more difficult, I'd rather wait longer for a meaningful relationship than waste my time again and again in unfulfilling ones. It may also be worth noting that I've never had any "real life" lesbian experiences outside of a few crushes. What do you guys think? Please ask for clarification if necessary because I may have forgotten to mention some things.
Romantic and sexual orientations can be different and vary, so maybe you are romantically attracted to men but not necessarily that greatly attracted to them sexually (not absent of course if what you said is right); while you possess both with women. I'm not sure through, I'm still new to all this LGBT stuff myself, but I try to help the best that I can.
Yeah, that's pretty close to what I've been thinking, except I never thought I had any romantic attraction to men. What exactly is romantic attraction again?
Basically, the idea of having a relationship, doing romantic things, getting married, that sort of thing, do you like the idea, could you see yourself doing it? etc.
I see. I guess I do feel that towards men, but I'm not sure if they're real feelings or society's influence.. especially considering the ideas never actually materialize into realities. I used to think I just hadn't found the right guy, but I'm really starting to think that that just isn't it. All of my relationships with men start off with infatuation/lust and then crash and burn after about a month when I realize I'm bored with him, unless they're playing mind games with me. I almost feel like if I were less insecure/had more self esteem I wouldn't actually be interested in men at all since I wouldn't be intimidated by them or feel better about myself for dating them (like "Hey! Look at me! I have a boyfriend and he's actually HOT! That means I'm worth something now!").
In that case, I am leaning towards believing that you are at least a heavily woman leaning bisexual; if not just outright homosexual all together. I however can't make that distinction for you, it's you that has to figure out if your feelings towards men are real, or whether they are not. You could be in love with the idea of being in love with men due to pressure from society or personal insecurity about your sexuality also, but again; thats for you to figure out. I just hope that I can help in whatever way.
Yeah, you're right about having to figure it out myself. Thanks a lot for your insights. =] They're definitely going to aid me in my self discovery.
No problem, I'm always happy to try and help someone who needs advice; you can PM anytime if ever need to talk more. My ears (or eyes, in this case) are always open. :icon_wink (*hug*)
I can relate to some of what you're saying. I have felt romantic and sexual attraction to men but I never really enjoyed sex, and generally found it mechanical and boring. And I've found that I really love fantasizing about women and can picture being with one. (To the extent that I can picture being with anyone; that's a tough thing for me lately.) And I kind of want my feelings for men to go away too, but in my case it's because I have internalized a lot of biphobia and am afraid to come out as bisexual. I'm not saying that's the case with you and in fact it sounds to me like it isn't the case with you. Not that I can really know your orientation! But I think MetalRice is on the right track.
Yeah, I think it definitely has something to do with biphobia. I want to be taken seriously in the lgbt community and I feel like my weak-ish feelings for men are holding me back from that. Plus I've had a lot of negative experiences with men, so that's definitely affecting my views as well. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
So I just had a dream about my (male) ex who I recently broke up with because of my sexuality. In my dream, I was kissing him and I enjoyed it. Now it's making me doubt my decision. Everything I said above is still true, but now I'm just wondering if maybe I expect too much from relationships. I usually get bored in relationships very early on (including the lesbian relationship I was in) and want to leave. Maybe I should have stayed in that less than exciting relationship where I severely deprived him of sexual interaction. Again, I still found the lesbian relationship to be far more fulfilling than any of my relationships with men, even when I felt bored. I guess I sort of know the answer here, but I'd still like to bounce this off of someone else. I'm so confused.
I don't to overthink in everything.... So I just go with the flow... I've been dating both girls and boys... But girls are more fun to be with... I'm a girl who like girls also
You could be lithsexual, which is on the asexuality spectrum and is where you feel sexual attraction but have no desire for it to be reciprocated (at least with men). Also, you could be a gray-romantic, which is on the aromantic spectrum. For example, a gray-romantic may: -Experience romantic attraction but not very often. -Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships. -Desire relationships which are not quite platonic and not quite romantic. Only you know how you identify, but I'd advise to look up the asexual/aromantic communities and see if you can relate to them Hope I helped
If we just switched the pronouns around, this could have been written by me. I am a bisexual guy, I've had mostly just stress with women, and I often wish I could just stop being attracted to them completely and just be fully gay. But alas, we don't get to choose our sexual orientation.
