OK that's kind of a misleading subject line. But when I'm really depressed I get very insecure and think I'm straight and just kidding myself, and on the rare occasions I feel good about myself I feel more secure that I'm not straight and not "just doing this for attention" or whatever I'm beating myself up about. And I tend to more often consider the possibility that I'm lesbian rather than bisexul (though I'm pretty sure I am not lesbian.) Also to be blunt when I'm on my medication I think about all this in a better way. I mean I'm still confused but I'm less desperate. I have no idea if this makes sense but I'd thought I'd throw it out there and see if any other questioning/confused people can relate.
Well, you know gay means happy right It might be that when you're at the top of your game, you feel like society's prejudices can't touch you and you're more free to feel what you feel. It might then also be that you get 'carried away' and feel mostly into girls even though you say you don't think you are; you hold it in when feeling down and then when you're more perky you release pent-up 'gayness' so that becomes the dominating feeling. I can relate a little bit... I'm DMAB (designated male at birth) quite newly out as trans* and pan, having led the majority of my life in a blur of cis heterosexualism. Now that I'm out and stuff, I find myself more drawn by curiosity to guys sexually right now, even though I feel it's ultimately quite even. I also find myself thinking people with gender expressions that aren't normative are extra cute So it might be that there's a lot of pent-up energy needing to get out Same thing with my gender stuff, I've been feeling more girly than ever now that I've accepted that part of me. Hope stuff works out for you <3 hugs (*hug*)
Thank you both! And I'm glad things are going well for you Triflow! I know coming out must have been really challenging.
If you're like me, depressive and anxiety episodes tend to propel ruminative thoughts. I get very fixated even in the best of times, but when I'm particularly low it's like nothing I do will derail my current worry or obsession. For me that has also been questioning my sexuality, lately. In the past it's been other things. That state of mind makes it difficult to just let go and accept how something is, and turns into self destructive self analysis. "What if, what if, what if.." is the prevailing thought. When I feel better I don't worry as much about any confusion I may have. I also have realized I feel better overall if I just consider myself gay, which to me seems like an important realization.
Wow this is exactly how I feel as well. My anxiety's kind of made a comeback during the past couple of days, which has led me to obsessively question my sexuality again and worry that I'm actually straight and thus won't be able to be with a woman. Which doesn't make much sense I guess, but sometimes I can't quite follow my own thought process. I'm trying my best to just dismiss these thoughts now, because after all I think I'm probably more me when I'm feeling happy and relaxed.
The Storm Inside that's very similar to how I feel, yes. I do get anxious and question everything, but when I relax and realize I'm not straight and I can (I hope) be with a woman I calm down.
