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Help me please. Where do I go from here?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by HeyAme11, May 9, 2015.

  1. HeyAme11

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi, I have spent 29 years being straight but now I'm questioning and confused and I really need help and advice.

    I have always identified as straight and only ever dated men. I am currently in a six-year relationship with a man and we've been discussing getting married. However, I have always felt sort of asexual and closed off sexually. We do not have sex that often and usually I'm only interested in sex if I've been drinking. I don't feel sexual attraction toward him but I am very emotionally close to him.

    I've always been attracted to men but also appreciated the female form. Last night I was with a close girlfriend of mine and we got very very drunk and made out heavily. It could be that it was just a drunken fluke but I've never felt that kind of passion before. She wrote it off as just a drunken make-out session but I feel like my entire identity is in question.

    I told my boyfriend immediately when we got home and he was surprisingly supportive. He was reasonably upset but he said he's not mad at me and understands that I may have some stuff to figure out... but I don't know what to do now. I have been in a daze all day and I don't know what my next move should be. I love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him but what if it'd actually be possible for me to have a sexually fulfilling relationship? I've just always assumed that I'm not meant to be sexually fulfilled but maybe I just haven't been with the right person. Maybe I need to try being with a woman. What do I do?

    Any and all advice will be appreciated.
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Well it seems you use some alcohol to get more relaxed... which is imo not a good idea...

    you could try to not control your emotions so much, imo.
    So you would need less alcohol, and feel more authentic...
    loosening up the inner censorship...
    you could try to simply relax, and see what you feel.. without restraints from childhood or wherever...
    its perfectly ok to like women... or men... or whoever...

    there might be lgbt support groups, and a good and supportive therapist might be a possibility... preferably with lgbt background...

    it might take a few days and some thinking over... but its possible you reach some kind of clarity and understanding...
    if you feel more friendship...
    or whatever...

    and one possibility might even be a poly relationship... but I'd say listen to your intuition.

    have a *hug*
     
    #2 jay777, May 9, 2015
    Last edited: May 9, 2015
  3. HeyAme11

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Thanks for your reply. I definitely can use the hug. Right now I feel like I never want to drink again!!! * insert hung-over emoji *

    I don't know what to do at this point. How do I figure out if I'm not as straight as I've always assumed? Do I go on Craigslist and write "i need a girl to come kiss me while I'm sober to see if it feels right"?! Can I go on a 'sample date' with someone? I don't even know any lesbians right now, I don't think!

    What do I tell my boyfriend? How do I help him in this situation?

    I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. This feels like my whole life might get turned upside down.

    - Amy
     
  4. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Well you might just do a few things I have suggested...

    you might try to get to a place where you can calm down and think a bit for a while...
    maybe for an hour or two, and for a few days...
    just trying to come down, and thinking a bit about it...
    about past feelings...
    your feelings for your friend...
    and what your intuition tells you...
    maybe taking notes...

    additionally you might look for a lgbt center, there might be support groups there...
    or meetups...

    and you might think about counseling...

    I'd say don't be afraid... those things have been inside you for quite some time, its just a matter of sorting it out...

    (*hug*)