ive always been confused about my sexuality and i just dont think the term bisexual fits right. id rather not take on a term like pansexual either because it would be too difficult to come out as a sexuality most people haven't heard of. i feel almost ready to tell people im not straight but i dont know what the hell to say that i am! i know that ive always been attracted to guys and girls but its in a completely different way? i am more attracted to girls physically but i dont know if i could ever be in a relationship with one or have a 'girlfriend'. however i have been romantically interested in two girls in the past so this might vary idk. i never pursued anything with them though. whereas im not physically attracted to many guys but i prefer the idea of having a relationship with one? maybe this is just because i want an easy life?? BUT i currently have a massive crush on a guy i know and ive probably never been more attracted to someone in my life, both physically and emotionally. in both cases style and interests are way more important than good looks and im not at all attracted to people unless they are kind of androgynous (the guy i like is not the most masculine). i would never be interested in a really girly girl or manly man, it has to be pretty neutral. anyone have any idea what label would suit me best based on this? thanks
Do you want a label because you'd be more comfortable with one or because you feel like you're supposed to have one? Because you can just call yourself "queer" if you like, or whatever term you want. The right label is the one that feels right for you, should you choose to have one. Other people can't decide that for you. I know what you mean by it being easier to come out as something familiar, though. I came out (& usually continue to come out) as pansexual when I don't feel like answering too many questions. But, I think most people can understand the concept if you explain to them.
Well, I came out to some people as gay, but then I realize wait a second... I like girls too! And it's not a Kinsey 5 "incidental" either as I've come to realize. I'd say I'm a Kinsey 3-5, so in the end I'll still have a preference for guys but girls are still... There. I may have some bi phobia. My biggest fear is being one of those gay guys that go into a heterosexual relationship and down the road divorce because they found out they were gay much later, hence why I continue to pressure myself to identify as gay.
I don't think being afraid of divorcing outta hetero marriage makes you biphobic. Pressuring yourself to identify as gay can be as harmful as pressuring to identify as straight, if that's not who you truly are. You can use "gay" as a blanket term as well, so the people you came out as gay too weren't mislead necessarily. If I were you, I wouldn't fret about labels so much & just focus on meeting people or noticing the differences between your attractions with men & women. It might help you sort how who you're attracted to to try & analyze your attractions when they happen, or analyze past attractions & compare them. Like, how intense were they? How long did they last? Was it because of their personality or their gender? Stuff like that.
I think I'd like a label for both reasons, but mostly so that i could come out as something definite and solid that people would understand. Also it would be nice to identify with a certain group instead of just floating around without a sense of belonging which is kinda how i feel now. Might go with queer until i figure it all out though. Thanks very much for your answer!
Well, I sometimes just say I like people or I like everybody ^^ Technical question: Are you attracted (in any way) to trans- women or men, or non-binary people, or rather, can you be? Otherwise pan might not be right for you at all. LAbels are generalizing statements... for example, if you say bi that might explain, let's say 80% of your sexuality; the trick is to try to narrow down to get it more precise and still be something that people understand ^^ If it's someone you care about, just explain your feelings. If it's an acquaintance or you're just very casually coming out, maybe 'bi, kind of' works well ^^ Hope that helps, don't worry too much, honey <3 (*hug*)
