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labeling myself... I'm curious if this happens to anyone

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by eburian, May 10, 2015.

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  1. eburian

    eburian
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    I know I shouldn't care about labeling myself but lately have wondered do I define myself as lesbian or bi? I guess it's only started to matter more because I've started to be more open with it and seeking a relationship.. it's like I still.. don't know how to define it to people..

    I've had crushes on guys before when I was younger although mainly emotional nothing sexual it was just like.. oh I admire them, they're attractive and that was it. In college I liked this girl, my mom was like maybe you just needed a friend but knew when I kissed her I just felt something more, even more than I had with any of my crushes on guys. When I came out to my mom as bi, I felt even more lost mostly because I felt really put down by coming out to her. It wasn't until I went to grad school that I became extremely infatuated with a girl in my class, this time really wanting her sexually, emotionally, romantically. :> It was all very unrequited though and it was kind of a pattern in that, I really tried my hardest to hide how I felt for her and got kinda depressed.. I've tried online dating and after talking to my mom wondered if maybe she was right in the past.. that oh maybe I do need to give guys more of a chance. On the site I took off the lesbian, heteroflexible part and changed it to bisexual, queer, sapiosexual and suddenly had a lot of guys messaging me.. which idk.. I was like ehh.. I don't know if it's because I've always been gay and have really recently figured it out.. but yea I started talking to this guy on there who seems cool.. but nothing really compels me past oh you seem cool.. like I'm not even sure I want to do anything sexual. When I hang out with guys though I am kinda curious about them in terms of an emotional connection.

    I don't know I probably overthink this a lot.. I think a lot has to do with wanting to be accepted by all my immediate family and being afraid.. :icon_sad:
     
    #1 eburian, May 10, 2015
  2. MirandaJK

    MirandaJK
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    In my experience, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right. However, take that with a grain of salt because I'm questioning as well. Much like you, I liked guys, until I liked a girl. Now I don't know where I stand. I feel as thought it's a bit easier to date someone of the opposite gender because the typical assumption is that they are straight. Finding a woman is harder because you never know who identifies as what. I feel like it wouldn't be a bad idea to identify as bi and just go with it. If a guy strikes your fancy, go for it. If a girl does, go for it. That way, you can be happy no matter what the case. Also, perhaps if you identify as bi, if would appease your family because they would assume there is a possibility of you meeting a man instead of a woman. This being said, you have to do what feels right to you and makes you happy. It is important to have your families acceptance, but it is more important for you to feel content with your life.
     
    #2 MirandaJK, May 10, 2015
  3. eburian

    eburian
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    <3 thanks :grin:
     
    #3 eburian, May 10, 2015
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