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Lesbian or biromantic homosexual??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by fxngirl, May 10, 2015.

  1. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    I embraced the fact that I'm not straight four months ago, when I finally realized that I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of being a relationship with a guy because I was actually attracted to girls. It took me a while to accept it because I wanted to be completely sure so I really thought it through, but now something is making me question my sexuality again.

    I'm really good friends with a guy that has liked me for a year, but I never understood my feelings for him. All I know is that I really get along with him and we have a really good connection, and last month at a party we ended up kissing. I've had this weird attraction toward him for a while so the kiss wasn't bad, but at some point I stopped him because he wanted to have sex and I was terrified by the idea of having sex with him. I clearly remember myself wishing he was a girl, because if so I wouldn't have had problems at all.
    A couple days later I told him there couldn't be anything more than friendship between us (I didn't tell him the reason) but we stayed friends so all cool. However, a couple days ago we were out with our friends and we kissed again. I pulled back almost immediately because I don't want to give him hope for something that can never happen, but I didn't want to stop kissing him, and this is what's confusing me the most now.

    Basically I feel this romantic attraction toward this guy, but I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. On the other hand, I'm definitely physically and sexually attracted to girls and romantically, too, even though I've never been in a relationship with a girl.

    I don't know what my feelings for this guy are and I'm not sure about my sexual orientation anymore. Maybe I'm a biromantic homosexual? But I can't picture myself dating a guy, while I definitely can with a girl. But if I am, what should I tell people when I come out? My family and friends wouldn't understand.

    Please help! :help:
     
  2. sundaygirlx

    sundaygirlx Guest

    To me it sounds like you're a bi-romantic lesbian, since you said that you're physically, sexually and romantically attracted to females but only romantically attracted to males. :slight_smile: If you can't even picture yourself dating a guy. . . then well yeah. When you come out to your family you could simply just say that you're not 100 % straight and leave it at that if you want, if you feel like they wouldn't understand. ^-^
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    For what it's worth, there's no credible evidence for a separation of romantic and sexual orientations. The pattern that seems to be emerging is that people have identified and created this identity in lieu of using the label "bisexual" that many people used to (incorrectly) use during the "bargaining" stage of coming to terms with being homosexual.

    What you're describing, in terms of feeling opposite sex connection for friendship and companionship, is actually pretty common among gay and lesbian people. I know a number of lesbians who have male friends they're very close to, and I know a ton of gay men who have "fag hags" they are very close to. These are friendships, not romantic attractions, but it's easy to confuse the two, particularly if you're still coming to terms with who you are.

    So on the one hand, I can't tell you what you're feeling, or what is or is not for you... so if that label is one that is helpful to you, by all means, go for it. But it could be helpful to keep in mind that what you're describing is well within the realm of normal experience and behavior for a lesbian, and that it's common to want to hold onto some piece of "normal" sexual orientation.