Ok so here's the deal. I have a boyfriend (my first boyfriend at least). And sure, I've thought guys and girls were both atteactive for different reasons. So I started to think that I was bi. But, a few weeks ago, the last time I saw my boyfriend, we actually kissed (my first kiss too. Which led to first make-out). The problem is, while most people that I know gush about their first kiss and how great it was, to me all I could think was "wow, he's a sloppy kisser." Or "wow his tongue tastes weird". The only time I actually felt anything was when he started letting hands go wherever basically. Even then I was a bit relieved when the kissin stopped (though he dove right back in again so there went another 10 minutes). So now I'm more confused than ever. I mean, I can look at a guy and think "wow he's attractive" but at the same time, I can look at a girl and think the same thing. I don't know if I'm bi, if I'm lesbian, or if my boyfriend is just a terrible kisser and I'm supposed to be straight. I honestly don't know at this point and I'm kind of terrified...
Hi awkwardly alone, I'm not going to tell you you're bi or gay or straight, but let's see if I can share something that helps. I am bisexual, and I didn't need to kiss people from two different genders to find out. My first kiss was with a guy who was not my boyfriend, but whom I was rather attracted to. It was, to be frank, not great, and the thoughts going through my head were very similar to yours -- so much so that I laughed when reading your post, because that was definitely me. I was rather relieved whenever he broke away. Later, I kissed another guy, and enjoyed it. Then another guy, and I didn't like it -- but later, same guy, I did (we got better). Still later, I kissed a girl, and enjoyed it. So for me, it was an issue of, well, me having no idea what I was doing and not enjoying this particular guy's kissing style. It had nothing whatsoever to do with my orientation. This doesn't mean it's the same thing for you, of course. But I wouldn't use "Did I enjoy this kiss or not?" as the only way to define my orientation. The main things are: What gender(s) do you get crushes on? When you're attracted to someone, which gender(s) do they tend to be? Could you see yourself happily in a relationship with a girl/a boy? That sort of thing And don't be terrified. It's okay not to know: there's no rush. It's okay to be gay, it's okay to be straight, it's okay to be bi. I promise, it's not all that scary.
