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I don't really know what to think anymore.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ShiftingSand, May 10, 2015.

  1. ShiftingSand

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Knoxville
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Since high school I've been honest with myself. I know and I accept that I am attracted to both men and women (usually more feminine men, ala Bill Kaulitz, maybe, and more masculine women, though not butch. And of course there is a ton of grey area).

    My name is S, and Im confused these days.

    I am in a straight relationship with a woman, and we have a child together. She doesn't know anything of my orientation or desires because frankly I don't think she'd take it well. The desires have always been there... I like having sex with men and women. But it's changed now. I've found myself daydreaming about my dream guy as it were... And it leaves me with a crushing empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don't know what to do about it anymore.

    All of this is made so much worse by my surprising fluid sexual tastes and how I can at once crush really really hard on a guy and simultaneously feel an intense attraction to the girl across the counter, or work area, or in the mall, etc...
     
  2. Im Hazel

    Full Member

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    That doesn't sound like fluid tastes. You can be attracted to boys and girls at the same time in a static manner. You can prefer one, or have no gender preference.
     
  3. ShiftingSand

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Knoxville
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I haven't included absolutely everything because I figured there was no reason for such a lengthy post at first bat. Like I said, I do find it confusing and uncomfortable to feel so strongly for both genders at once. I feel like life would be easier if I could just pick, like I'd be happier.

    On top of all this I go through seriously depressing periods where I really wish... I could be more feminine. I've looked into gender identity disorder etc and it doesn't seem to be that bad... But sometimes I'll look in the mirror at myself, see my masculine traits and wish I could be in a different body.

    It's for all these reasons that I feel seriously messed up, like I'm all over the place at once. And I worry because I don't want my son to grow up feeling like I have for years and years... Just unhappy. All the time.