1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm not sure if i'm gay???

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by justsomegirl, May 10, 2015.

  1. justsomegirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Rock
    Gender:
    Female


    Hi guys! sorry I am super new to this website (like i just registered a few minutes ago) but i'm sure you get a ton of these types of questions.

    Ok, so here's the deal-ieo: I am 98% sure I am gay... but then there's that last 2 percent... I definitely find women more attractive, and I can easily see myself with a woman happily, while I cannot with a man. However, throughout my early childhood i had always been attracted to boys. My parents told me what gay was, so it wasn't like i didn't know, but i just never crushed on girls. Even to this day, i have never had a proper crush on girls, but the idea of crushing on a boy is nearly non-existent. Also, when i was little, I don't think i realized it, but i was always "turned on ?" by females. On dancing with the stars, my favorite outfits would be the ones with the most skin. And (i kinda forgot about this) I went through a very long phase of watching strip-tease videos on youtube, and had a growing fascination with boobs (whoops sorry). I had never made the connection, though, that I was attracted to girls and not boys. The idea had never really crossed my mind until two years ago, when I met my cousin's two gay friends- one a boy and one a girl. Meeting them sparked the fist idea of "hey, I might me gay" in my head. After about a week of internal conflict i dismissed the idea-- until a year ago. When I seriously started to consider. I'm not really sure what made me start questioningg again that time, but it was definitely there. Ever since then i had been back and forth, but mostly leaning towards gay. There will be days when I am thinking "oh hell I am SUpER gay, no question" and then there are days when i think "but that boy is sO cUTe". Currently, i am leaning towards "im super gay".

    I don't feel like im bisexual though?? I feel more like it is a phase, but im not sure which side... (although as stated earlier I think its more of a straight phase).

    But here's the plot twist: I am super into guy-on-guy fanfiction. I am in the supernatural fandom (holla at me boo) and definitely in the sub-division of Destiel, a gay ship between the show's two (out of three) main characters. I am totally into the fanfiction. Smut. Fluff. Wing!king??? (sorry). You name it, as long as it's well written i LOVE it. I get super turned on from the smut stuff (sorry tmi I know) and the fluff makes me get butterflies. But its guy on guy stuff??? I think i am just more turned on by the idea of them being so super in love (which they totally are) then actually them getting it on. The smut grossed me out in the beginning (mainly the cum) but now I can hardly get enough. I have even written some, too. (smut and fluff) and the smut is pretty intense... IIm not done with it yet but there have been a couple of *ahem* parts so far that are not exactly pg-13 rated. The cum part grossed me out a little in the writing, but not as bad as it probably should. But, once again, the idea of any of it happening to me is super gross. And, any other ship or any other characters and it would have been super gross. Also, even straight porn grosses me out. Like, a lot. Only lesbian porn can get me going (sorry I know im only 15 but seriously pretend you didnt and youre lying).

    OOOH I ALMOST FORGOT when i was in the... god was it second grade? I kissed a girl. My not-very-close friend and I were in my play house pretending to make out with out boyfriends against the wall and she had the idea that we kiss each other instead. I was like 'wtf wont we be gay' and she's like 'naw its chill' (obviously not the exact words but you get the idea) so we kissed and it was literally one of my favorite things I have ever done. I can still remember the soft press of her lips to this day. I have never kissed any one else outside my family, since or before then either. We kissed at least 3 or 4 times after that but since i was only like 7 or 8 i had no idea what i was doing so it didnt amount to much. I had pushed that into the deep part of my memories and i actually forgot about it until a few years back.

    Okay, that's my almost entire life story on my sexuality. here are the main points though:
    -never kissed a boy
    -kissed a girl pretending she was a boy (at first)
    -had a lesbian strip-tease videos thing when I was little (3rd grade?)
    -have had "boyfriends" (in like the 5th grade) but only ever went on one date and his parents were at the same restaurant as us so...
    -never had a girlfriend
    -only like lesbian porn videos
    -but destiel (guy on guy) smut gets me super turned on so...
    -pretty sure i'm lesbian

    Please help me figure this out! I really need some help. Thank you so much!!!!
     
  2. womaninamber

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I have talked online to any number of lesbians who love slash fiction. Many of them love only male/male fiction. I don't think you should be concerned at all about that eliminating you from being a lesbian.
     
  3. lissaloo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Luling
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You're definitely a lesbian but there might be some slight curiosity there. Just because you've never kissed a boy you might wonder what it'd be like (I don't know, just offering some advice!). But based on the information you'v given, you're probably suuuuper gay. :>
     
  4. Ashleigh16

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2015
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbia, SC
    All I know is with excePtions of having kissed a girl and being taught about it and I am probably bi you sound just like me. Like exactly. I understand about the fanfics definitely. (#klaine4ever) but i haven't crushed on girls but see myself with them. However I definitely like guys too. Propably like 80/20 if I had to give percentage. But it's super confusing I know. I think you're gay. Which is great that you're figuring it out :slight_smile:
     
  5. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    I can totally relate to what you said. I realized that I wasn't straight about four months ago, when I realized that the reason why I've always been grossed out by the idea of having sex with a guy was probably that I'm attracted to girls. And... I get turned on only by lesbian porn too, so yeah you're not alone :slight_smile: based on what you wrote I would say you're gay :slight_smile: