Ok so I'm really new to this website and I stumbled upon it looking for tips on how to have an orgasm... Found myself wandering the site and decided to join. Mainly because I feel as though I need a second opinion. This is going to be a little long... Let me start by saying that I don't have a lot of LGBT+ friends, maybe one or two. I have plenty of straight friends, but only a small handful know. My family doesn't know, I'm actually scared to tell them, and a good chunk of my friends have no idea. The friends that I am out to though thankfully let me be comfortable with my sexuality, which I'm forever grateful for. But stating my gratitude isn't really why I'm here. I've been attracted to boys essentially my whole life. My first crushes were boys, I've had crushes on boys in the very recent past, and for almost 20 years of my life I was pretty sure I was 100% straight. But looking back, I kinda laugh at myself because I don't know how I ever thought I was once I hit puberty. When I was 12-13 years old, I'd stumble upon lesbian porn and find myself staring a little longer than normal then convincing myself to look away. Even when I found gay porn I did the same thing - I think I was just ashamed of anything sexual and exploring that side of myself. Anyways, fast forward to high school - I went to an all girls' school and a good portion of the girls were either bi or lesbian. I'd find myself slightly intrigued but never thought anything of it, aside from a few dreams I had of making out with girls. Then my best friend gets a girlfriend (she had had boyfriends up until this point). Back then I wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was dating a girl or if she was just dating in general, but somewhere along the way I admitted, at least to myself, that I had a crush on her. I'd get super jealous of her and her girlfriend, but I never thought to act on this because hey, I was straight, right? (And looking back, I wouldn't have done anything even if I knew I was bi - we're too good of friends and way too close and romance would just make it weird.) It wasn't until college that I really started questioning though. For the record, I've never kissed a girl. But my freshman year, there was this girl that lived on my floor and at first glance, I thought she was a rather attractive guy. No, turns out she was super lesbian. But that didn't stop me from having a little crush on her, and I'd get a little jealous when she and her roommate (who are now dating) were together or if it was insinuated they liked each other. I obviously got over that... but it wasn't until just last year that I came to terms with the fact that I'm attracted to women. It took a bit of teasing from a friend of mine. Since then, I feel like I've been on this weird spectrum of back and forth, between men and women. I don't have many bi friends but I have some days where I'm just like "woah I'm suPER GAY" and I have other days where "holy hell I just want dick" (and I'm a virgin, oops). Like tonight, I had many, many gay thoughts. But I had some guys mixed in there too, and, a little TMI, discovered I enjoy penetration. And, I forgot to mention, guys' bodies don't even remotely repulse me... They're so very nice to look at. (I have this weird thing about hair, though.) But then there's the obstacle of, how can I get a guy or a girl to even like me? Or, why is it when a guy shows sexual interest in me (hook-up culture anyone?) I immediately want to shut him down? I always attribute it to the fact that I don't think he's cute and I don't want to lose my virginity to a meaningless hookup. But if I hooked up with a girl, it'd be ok. Maybe I'm looking for guys in the wrong places. As for girls... I'm super scared to experiment because I'm afraid I'll fall in love with her. I tell myself I won't come out to my parents unless I "have to" - meaning I want to date a girl. I dunno. I can expand on my feelings for men and women more but I'm really just rambling on and on about myself. I feel pretty solid in my orientation... but other days I don't. Is this normal? Do I push guys away because of social anxiety or something? Am I just scared of dating and sex - regardless of gender? Any input/commentary/discussion is appreciated. Again sorry this was so long...:icon_redf
:welcome: I know it probably seems overwhelming and scary, but many of us have been there. The good news is that you aren't in a relationship right now, so you have freedom to think, explore, experiment... Whatever it takes. A few things I thought of as I was reading: 1. I'm not out to my parents at all, so I get that completely. On the other hand, trying to steer your attractions to accommodate them (or anyone else) could be a recipe for disaster. My husband knew I had some attraction (and a little experience) with my bff in high school (he and I were dating at the time), but all my feelings came to a head last summer. 2. I think it's normal to go back and forth on who you feel like being (with). 3. Try to rethink your heteronormative view of virginity. (I'm working on this too.) as a feminist, I want to teach my daughter to have autonomy over and comfort with her body. I think there is not really a line (anymore) between various sex acts. Why does piv sex make you lose your virginity but nothing done with a woman does the same? 4. Take time to explore what you like. This might mean toys, erotica, porn, friends with benefits (which in the words of George Gershwin is "nice work if you can get it"), whatever works for you. I'm currently in a happy, monogamous marriage, but I often wish I had taken a bit of time to explore with women. My parents' possible (but in reality unlikely) disapproval kept me from it. But then, I'm still not out to most people, so what do I know?
I'm at the same place in my life as well, if you ever want to chat about it more one- one- one then feel free to post on my wall I'll be happy to help. To your questions, yes that is very normal. Recently, I just figured out I was bisexual after spending my whole life "straight" just like you! It's crazy I must admit and I still have some struggles being attracted to both genders but it also seems to give bisexuals a little more freedom, so look at the positivity of it As bisexual you are able to be attracted to both genders so it might vary day to day or month to month. I see it as what I'm in "need" for more. Women provide a safer and sensitive touch a guy doesn't provide and men provide some things women can not. It just depends You might subconsciously be having social anxiety when it comes to men since you're perhaps overthinking it but you could also be finding out that you want to discover your attraction to women since you might already be aware of how you feel about men. Because of that you might be focused a little more on women then men, normal. I don't think you should be focused on dating right now actually. It would be good to note attractions but discovering your sexuality is still new and a lot of people can get hurt, including yourself, if you're not out yet. You don't want to rush something like that. Just become more sure of yourself and in time your anxiety over any relationship-same sex or not- will be a breeze. Good luck! And contact me if in need.
