Whatever I turn out to be, I find that my sexual orientation isn't very set in stone like most people; it's very fluid. I'm confused as to whether I'm an open minded gay guy or bisexual/pansexual. In my mind, it wouldn't really matter if the guy (for example) I was dating was born biologically female because I'm the end I would like him for who he is and how he makes me feel. Likewise, if the girl I was dating was born biologically male, that wouldn't matter either. However, I do believe that if this were to be the case, I would still have a preference for guys in a general sense. What do you guys think?
I hope this doesn't come across as hostile, but you spend way, way too much time focusing on labels. If you believe that sexual orientation is a continuum (as it appears you do based on today's orientation with the 3-5), does it really matter if you're a 4, a 5, or a 5.9999? The important thing is you've made your peace with the fact that you're not straight and in my mind that's the toughest part. Since you're already at that point and you know you can't control who you're attracted to, just like who you like and don't worry about whether that makes you gay, bi, pan, homoflexible, whatever. It's really not important.
I think this is well-said, and doesn't come off as hostile to my ear, at least. I feel like sexuality labels should be determined in retrospect, rather than prospectively. I think it makes a lot more sense to say "y'know, I've noticed in the past 3 years that I'm dating mostly women...I guess I'd describe that behavior as lesbian(ish)" than it does to say "hey, I've finally figured out that I'm a lesbian and only attracted to women!" The latter of those is just begging to have you fall head-over-heels in love with a guy the following week...just so the Universe can continue to show you who's boss.
I definitely spend too much time on labels, I don't doubt that. I think I'm just trying to find a niche so I can feel more accepted.
Don't worry too much about what you call yourself. My sexuality is also very fluid, sometimes I want only girls, other times only guys, sometimes both. But I call myself bi, because I know I'm attracted to both sexes, regardless of the 'period' I'm in. The Kinsey 4 is just an estimate.
I see, so someone else knows what I'm going through. The back and forth is what I'm not a fan of, and I'm just scared that Im just a gay guy in denial.
My sexuality is fairly fluid too, it took me a while to figure out! I know that I'm usually a lot more attracted to other girls, but I acknowledge that this is because I'm generally attracted to traits of personality or physical features that girls have, but if I find those traits in guys (I hope that doesn't come across in the wrong way) I can be just as attracted to them too. But I feel more of a pull or instant attraction towards girls. However I know that in the future I just see myself with someone that I love, regardless of their gender, so the 'bi' label fits more I guess... It is tempting sometimes to just say 'gay' or 'lesbian' though, because I know that's what I'm leaning towards. But if it came past attraction, to love, it really wouldn't matter. What is it that attracts you to girls if you don't feel that you can identify completely as gay? Is it just a physical thing or emotional thing, or are there shared traits across the genders that you're just falling for? I found asking these questions to myself helped... Labels are pretty annoying :rolle: But I can understand why you're trying to find one. Although you know how you feel yourself (er, even including confusion), it's hard sometimes to convey to other people without giving it a simple name. But I know a few 'straight' people too who are flexible about these things, they just call themselves 'straight', so maybe these labels are more of a generalisation too :rolle:
^ I feel that the gay label doesn't feel right to me because for girls that I find attractive, it's more than "oh she's cute". I've had sexual thoughts about girls before but it's not the type that I masturbate to. I still want relationships with girls but there's a part of me that's scared. Still trying to look into this fear. I'd say I'm more attracted to guys because of their physical features. Masculinity in general is very compelling to me. And something I'm attracted to. I often put myself in the position of the type of men I find attractive because I seriously want to look like that.
Oh.. What is it about being in a relationship with a girl that scares you though? Is it because there's an aspect of that sort of relationship you're averted to, or because you would be worried it would raise your opposite or same-sex attraction validity to others, or would you not see it as a long-term or as meaningful relationship compared to being with a guy? If you definitely have a preference for guys but still open to being with girls, I would probably think that you're bi/pan but leaning a certain way. But maybe not.. I know this is kind of personal too, but re you saying you've had sexual thoughts about girls in the past, have they been accompanied by romantic thoughts too? You are attracted to masculine guys, and say you want to look like that so maybe it's a subconscious attraction to people you could share a similar emotional connection with? Idk, just trying to come up with as many things as I can based on my own experience and what might trigger some thought :rolle: It's fair enough to avoid the label altogether until you figure it out and just say "girls are cute, but guys are cuter" :icon_wink Which is pretty much what I say if someone asks, in the reverse^^ It's much simpler than going too much into it and is still accurate. It gives me the freedom to be with whoever I want to be with in the future too without stressing about conforming to or breaking a label... Could also be taken as 'I'm gay or bi', which is what you seem to be fluctuating with. What gender being with would make you happier? Or if it was the right person it wouldn't matter? You don't have to answer all these btw, it's just for your own thoughts. I realise these are pretty personal.
One thing I've realized (as people I've spoken to about this seem to agree) is that I'm quite open minded (which in their eyes is rare). I certainly like guys more, there's no doubt about that. And if I don't have sex with a woman I'm okay with that too. And about girls, it actually started off as romantic thoughts. In general, I'm sexually attracted to guys more than girls, I know that now. As for which gender, I'm not sure who would make me happier. Sexually, at this point, I would say guys hands down. Yet, I'm still open to a girl walking down the street and catching my eye (I still do that). I find that I can get emotionally attached to anyone that I get to know on a personal level, but in terms of images of who I find sexually attractive, I like guys more.
Your orientation sounds a lot like mine tbh, except I am somewhere about a 4-5 and like girls if you are romantically and sexually attracted to both but guys more it sounds like you are bi, with a preference for guys. Sometimes you feel more gay and sometimes you feel more bi? I think that that's okay. Why not even use both labels loosely depending on how you feel? I know that even with my preference for girls, I could still definitely be in a committed relationship with a guy if I had strong feelings for him without it effecting it in a harmful way so this was a big thing that I thought about too. If you feel that you could be in a relationship with a girl and not crave being with a guy to the point that it would be detrimental to either of you, and you could see yourself genuinely as happy in that relationship, then I definitely would think that you were bi. Girls catch my eye in the street all the time :rolle: If I see a guy I'm usually just envious of his jacket or something Uh, unless they are amazingly attractive. But those are only instant attractions too. Once you do start having romantic feelings for someone how you see them changes, at least it was definitely like this for my ex (a guy). I think its good to be able to be open with who you fall in love with, either way
I think I struggling to find a group that I can fit into, you know? When I go with bi, I feel more... Relieved, and my mind calms down a bit, like "it's ok to like guys and girls in different ways even if I were not to act on them".
Yeah, I can understand. Even with strong preferences towards girls labelling myself as "gay" or "lesbian" usually feels as wrong as labelling as "straight". It would feel like a massive denial to not acknowledge that I could fall in love with a guy, or feel attraction towards some. And not acting on it is fine, that doesn't mean you still don't experience those attractions Honestly, so many 'straight' people I knew were bi or biromantic once I started coming out to them, people who I never would have expected so maybe you're just more open about recognising this and more honest with yourself? Which is a good thing (*hug*) Just because you're bi and don't act on a certain attraction doesn't make you less bi. Just like being homosexual and in a straight relationship doesn't make you any less homosexual :icon_wink The attraction towards the same or opposite gender is still there.
