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In a long term relationship with a girl but i think I might be bisexual, what do I do

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Thatboy, May 14, 2015.

  1. Thatboy

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm a 16 year old boy, and I have always liked girls and I've had several partners before most sexual. But about 2 years ago I was at a party and I had to share a bed with a boy (who Id known for years) and I didn't know he was gay at the time so it just felt normal, but then he put his arms around me and at first I freaked out but I didn't want to make it obvious so I just adjust myself and moved further away, but then he did it again and pressed his body up against mine and it felt amazing, I let this happen even though I knew I was straight, but we ended up doing things that night and did again on different occasions after that.
    After the whole thing I just told myself it was just an act of lust and it was because Im very sexually active and I was still 100% straight. A year later I found a girl and I think the world of her, she is amazing, we have been together about a year and a half, and it's going perfectly. But I keep having urges to be with a boy, I want to have what I had before with him, but I know I could never allow myself to do it. I'd never cheat, but these urges are turning into more frequent things and everything I see him I lose my heart to him and I just want to be together, But I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's a phase or what. But I just don't want to break my girlfriends heart, but I also need to know who I truely am so I can be happy, can anyone please give suggestions to what you think I should do or if I am gay or bisexual? And do I tell her?
    Thankyou
     
  2. Lyana

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    Re: In a long term relationship with a girl but i think I might be bisexual, what do

    Hi Thatboy,
    You would probably get more replies in the "Sexual & Romantic Orientation" sub-forum, not gender.

    Anyway, sounds like you're having some trouble. The first thing to do: breathe. None of this is going to signify the end of your world -- everything will turn out fine. You just have to understand yourself a little better, and that will come with some reflection and time. Here are a few things to think about:

    a) Your relationship: Your girlfriend sounds great and you seem to really care for her. But do you love her? Are you attracted to her? Do you want this relationship to continue? And don't say yes only because you don't want to break her heart. I understand feeling that way, I really do, but it's not a good reason to stay in a relationship.
    You say "I lose my heart to him and I just want to be together." To me, that sounds like more than just a sexual urge. It sounds like falling for someone, hard. Do you want to be with him more than you want to be with your girlfriend?
    Here's the thing: if you're bisexual, that doesn't mean you have to break up with her or cheat on her. If you love her, you two can be perfectly happy for the remainder of your relationship. But if you're in love with someone else, the best thing for everyone is for you to break up.

    b) Your orientation: So you don't know if you're gay or bi. You're young, you have time to figure it out! A few things to think about are: Which gender(s) do you tend to get crushes on? Which gender(s) are you attracted to? If you've been in love in the past, who was it with? Would you want to have sex with a guy/a girl? That sort of thing. If the answer is a mix of guys and girls, you're probably bi. If it's exclusively one gender, well, there's your answer.

    c) Do you tell your girlfriend? You don't have to. Maybe you want to get more comfortable with yourself before bringing it up to her. If she's really awesome and you think she'd be supportive, I won't hold you back -- but she won't be looking at this from an unbiased point of view. She may end up feeling very hurt or confused, so I would tell her once I was sure of what I was feeling and doing. It's only fair.
     
  3. bi2me

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    Re: In a long term relationship with a girl but i think I might be bisexual, what do

    Many bisexual people are perfectly happy in long term monogamous relationships. Some bisexual people (and some straight/gay people) prefer to have more open relationships. I know I would not have had the maturity until recently to even think about that possibility, but file it away for later examination. Your relationship with your girlfriend is likely not going to last forever (although I'm married to my hs boyfriend). What would you want your next relationship to be like?
     
  4. doc

    doc
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    Re: In a long term relationship with a girl but i think I might be bisexual, what do

    Great advice Bi2me. You are young and discovering yourself. I assume she is too. Why not raise the issue of sexuality with her and see how she feels about gay and bi orientations?