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How do you know you're a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alder, May 15, 2015.

  1. Alder

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    I've gotten to the point where I'm almost (but not quite) sure that I am...but I don't where to go from here.

    The thing is I've been wondering if I'm gay or bi for the longest time; it feels far more comfortable and right for me to say that I'm gay, but then again, I can have occasional crushes on guys, they're just not exactly romantic. And whilst in the past I have experimented (in my mind really) sleeping with different genders, I know now after a lot of questioning and wondering that I don't want to sleep with guys. The closest I've ever gotten was with this guy I felt pretty pressured to like, and there was that ONE time it felt briefly good when he touched me but I also didn't want to go any further, didn't feel sexual attraction to him, and I wasn't really that into him anyways. Maybe an iffy crush, but I wasn't that interested, definitely not in the way I was for a girl I genuinely liked at the time in every way.

    The thing is I can still find guys good looking or cute, I just don't want to go beyond the waist or anything like that. It feels far better and right with women in my mind.

    Sometimes I find myself thinking about what it might be like to sleep with a guy just to see if maybe I am bi, but it always gets me riled up and I never really want to or enjoy thinking about it, even if in the past I have done so (but then again never pursued or thought about pursuing in real life).

    Everything is still pretty confusing though, like I would self identify as gay but if I see a pretty attractive guy or get a really brief crush on a guy I would start anxiously wondering again. After a lot of questioning over many months I've felt that women feel solely right for me and that's it, then again- I could be wrong.

    I know labels are just labels and sometimes things can be pretty fluid, but does anyone have any insight?

    Thanks! (*hug*)
     
    #1 Alder, May 15, 2015
    Last edited: May 15, 2015
  2. chemicalsirens

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    I'm lesbian and when I questioned I was one I did the same thing and look at guys and think they were cute, then I asked myself, 'What if they were female?" Then I became more aware that I preferred women than men. And to this day I look at some guys who look very feminine (in my opinion cx ) But on the inside I know that I like women and wil be this way forever xD
     
  3. fxngirl

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    I'm lesbian too and I realized it a few months ago, when I accepted the fact that I would never feel comfortable at the idea of having sex with guys and that I was waaaay more interested in girls. The thing is, you find guys cute but you're not sexually attracted to them, but there's nothing weird about finding guys attractive. Lesbians are not blind :wink: I find some guys attractive, I just don't like them in a sexual way. Based on what you said it seems to me that you're a lesbian, but remember that you don't have to give yourself a label if you don't want to :slight_smile:
     
    #3 fxngirl, May 15, 2015
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  4. I'm having issues with labels myself so I probably don't have much of a place responding in a "how did you know you were lesbian" post. Some days I feel gay and others I feel bisexual, but that's beside the point. I know I like girls. I know I only ever want to date girls. How do I know this? Because I've only ever had crushes on girls since I was like, 8. Because I get an electric zing through my body whenever I imagine being sexual with a girl. Because, besides my penetration desires, penises are not generally very sexually appealing to me. Because every experience I've ever had with a guy has felt forced.

    But mainly -- and this is how I KNOW -- because when I'm with an attractive girl I melt inside and realize that this is what I was built for, however cheesy that sounds.

    I'm definitely more of a Kinsey 5, though. You might be a 6. Consider yourself lucky. It makes for a lot less confusion.
     
  5. Fallingdown7

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    Sexual attraction exclusively to women = Lesbian

    It is confusing for some because many lesbians still like guys due to compulsory heterosexuality
     
  6. Alder

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    Thanks everyone for the replies! Got some pretty good insight.

    Yeah I think I prefer women for sure- definitely sexually- but I'm not sure about guys at all. Anyhow, with the cute guys I'm still not sure I would date them or want to do anything with them- then again, maybe...

    I think so, I mean I can find guys cute but I realized after a while I didn't want to sleep with them- not even the really attractive ones. Still though, I don't know, that's the thing. I'll see to thinking about it but at the moment at least I know I like girls :wink: Thanks!

    Yeah I understand what you are saying in your post- although there is..something..with guys occasionally, it always feel so much better around girls. I'm not sure, maybe I'm bi with a preference, I guess figuring that out's gonna take a bit more time. Best of luck to you by the way (*hug*)

    Thanks! And yeah I suppose that might be a thing- but I've been mulling over the fact that I might be a lesbian for a long time now and I love loving women, so I'm not sure why my brain decides to wander down the "hey but you might like guys too..." path a lot, especially since it gets pretty anxiety inducing at times. Sexually I think at the moment I at least prefer women a lot more, but romantically or whatnot I'm not too sure.

    Anyways thanks for all the answers everyone! (*hug*)
     
  7. eburian

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    Thank you seriously for posting this. I have so many moments where I'm totally stuck on labeling myself too. I don't know.. for now I'm trying to be a little open to guys.. but for me too, I'm not sure I want to do anything sexual with them. I guess for me, it's confusing when I talk to other people who define themself as being a lesbian because it's like I didn't acknowledge anything about my sexuality until I was 18. The only other time I did that I was 9 so I didn't really know anything about being gay or bi at that point. I know I get a rush with girls and my heart knows it too but my mind is also like.. you tell people you're bi so maybe you should see if you like guys. I guess I notice I'm more just slightly curious about guys than anything. I don't know.. part of me also just wants to meet more bisexual girls who have a preference for women. I mean I'd like to not feel so alone with this :< :grin:. Wherever I'm moving too next, I think I'm going to try to get into the LGBT community for.

    Maybe you should too :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: :grin:
     
  8. YuriBunny

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    You know you're a lesbian because you think girls are totally adorable and when you see a girl whom you like you just want to grab her and squeeze her and kiss her all over! :love:

    Well, you know, that's my experience anyway. :lol:

    Kinda sounds like you're being paranoid, causing yourself worry by overanalyzing everything you feel. Here you go, maybe a hug will fix it! (*hug*)

    The answer will come with time. Time will decide when you will know.
     
  9. Alder

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    Thanks for the new replies!

    @eburian I wish you best of luck of course (*hug*) It does cause some distress sometimes being super stuck on the labelling. I'll of course try getting into more of the LGBT circles around here- I know bisexual and pansexual girls in my school so I might try to talk to them a bit more. Anyhow, I hope you have a good time figuring it out and seeing how it goes :slight_smile:

    @Yuricore- Yeah I definitely really like girls, sometimes I get that rush or those feelings that are impossible to explain for women-whether in real life or just celebrities on TV or in the music industry- that I don't quite get for men I think. Definitely over analyzing it sometimes, but I'm working through it step by step- I've already come much further than a year back so I'm happy about that. Thanks so much for the reply!(*hug*)
     
  10. indiqo

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    it's forming a conclusion following understanding your physical and romantic attractions and the difference between that and the admiration of beauty. also for some it is equally important to understand their own gender as discovering how to label your sexual orientation can depend on gender.
     
  11. Alder

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    Thanks- yeah I definitely agree that a lot of understanding is needed within what I feel and what I want. Gender as well!
     
  12. lovely lesbian

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    I questioned for a while but then few months later I knew I was a lesbian you don't have to put a label on it if you don't want to
     
  13. Disappear

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    I'm lesbian and I can only imagine myself with another woman, like dating or starting a family or growing old and stuff. It took me a while to accept that because since childhood I had thought I have to marry a man and start a family with one. Because of the heteronormaty of our society. Now I can only see this happening with woman.

    But if I see a good looking guy I can appreciate it, I'm not blind! There is a difference with mine and my friends' reaction to those though, Im not the loudest one to point it out haha

    Anyway, even though I identify as a lesbian, I never say never to the chance of being with a man. At the moment it seems impossible, but never say never.
     
  14. curiousshark

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    Ah, I see. It's not uncommon for a lesbian to have fleeting crushes on guys. It's totally understandable.

    It's like, sure you like them. But you don't wanna go there, right? Idk to me I don't find a man's genitals that stimulating, unlike how I get excited over girls. haha

    Yeah, so yes, you are a lesbian.

    But if you're still unsure, it's alright. It takes time. Take it slow.

    <3
     
  15. Alder

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    Thanks everyone! I guess it's still something I have to figure out. I've had crushes on guys before they just weren't very intense and hard to really explain, so I think that's why even now I'm a bit unsure. In the past I had thought I might be bisexual but then I was confused as to why in general I don't want to sleep with guys, but I can still get occasional feelings for guys.

    As my info says I'm gonna pin it down as a Kinsey 5 at the moment and see if I can figure things out ^^

    I'll take my time with it but thanks for everyone on here for being so nice!