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A Bit of Advice about Sexual Orientation from Justinian20

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Justinian20, May 16, 2015.

  1. Justinian20

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    I would like the say something that I noticed during my journey to accepting myself as a gay male. In my accepting process, I noticed that I had no real feelings for women, in fact my heart did not react the way it does around men. Just today my heart raced and I got nervous when I walked past two really hot men and I smiled at them but it wasn't a normal smile. It was a smile to make myself more appealing to the other men so that they would notice me. Cue cheesiness it was almost like my body was like "Notice me senpai," (with senpai being the cute tall men I walked past). I've had this happen on a regular basis to me as the last time it happened I tried to stop myself from smiling and ended up looking like a weird guy. (The guy was shirtless and hot).

    Now before I had accepted myself as gay, (these two instances happened in the after acceptance period), I went through a different process but with a similar nature behind it. Boys still made me nervous in fact I always felt more comfortable talking to a guy when a lot of women were around because I feel less nervous around women. In fact let's just say I did not have sexual tensions around women at all, but sexualness was high around men. Now at first I explained it away by pretending to be interested in women, but it never was there in the first place around women. It was always present for men,

    For e.g. My first big crush, (a boy in the same grade, now I was so nervous that I couldn't talk to him at all, I had trouble even trying to speak around him. I always spoke in hushed tones around him, in fact I tried so hard but it I tried communicating via writing letters and printing them out for him to read). It wasn't that I was shy because I am not a shy guy, but this boy made me shy and nervous.

    I never even felt that among women at all. Those are my feelings I felt around guys a lot and I always noticed I never got hard by looking at women at all. (I never was hard in any circumstance around women).

    So just take a look at this I've written and really see if it applies to you. Most of all, it's also do you want to be with a man and envision yourself with a man. In my teenage and young adult period I'm now in. I noticed whenever I was having thoughts about living with someone it was always a guy I was closest to and saw myself spending my life with in these thoughts. Now my thoughts always had a creative spin on it being the creative guy I was. In fact my first thoughts were very creative and the whole thing panned out as a story that ended with this, "because he wasn't gay it was hard for him, but since I was I enjoyed it."

    Just ponder these questions people who are questioning as well. Have you ever felt a certain way with the same sex that you've never felt with the opposite sex, Do you envision yourself with the same sex spending your life with them.

    Feel free to ask specific questions on this thread. If you want to know specific things and I'll do my best to answer them.
     
  2. Justinian20

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    Also what I am actually saying here is that sexuality is more about how you feel rather than just who you want to have sex with. I've always felt different around boys and so my real advice about your sexual orientation is remember that being LGBT is not about what personality you have, but it is more about how you feel towards the same sex as you, so say for Lesbians, if you find yourself looking at a woman and feeling like you want to be with that woman. I find that the sex you are attracted to, although you may have a type, you'll date whoever comes your way and you won't deny someone unless you are super shallow or you are pretending to be interested in the sex you aren't interested in.

    As an example, say a boy with glasses who is a little overweight comes over and asks me out, now firstly I don't find him super attractive and even though I don't find him attractive, I'll give him a chance to surprise me. When I was pretending to be interested in women, I was quite shallow and pretty much just said unless you are a perfect 10 in absolutely everything I'm not interested. But I'm not interested anyway, yes you might be aesthetically pleasing but you are not anyone I want to spend my life with. On the other hand, a boy asks me out, "I get super nervous and sweaty, my heart races and I have to fan myself." I end up thinking about the future and the life we'll have together.

    This is just me trying to help some of you people out by providing a account of how I feel which is again what questioning your sexuality is truly about, "How do I feel around men," "How do I feel around women,"
     
  3. Jax12

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    Great advice, Ive also been trying to look at it from a more abstract perspective rather than sex sex and sex. Glad you made the post!
     
  4. RedLynx

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    Great post! This really helps me. Thanks a lot :slight_smile:
     
  5. intro55

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    Great post thanks.
     
  6. doc

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    wow, thanks Justinian2. Your post really clarifies for me how I feel.
     
  7. Looker123

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    I felt like this for both , but I felt this more I notice with guys. But why do I still feel like this with girls? I felt like I was in a soap opera with girls I liked throughout my life, or I was the cool guy and charming, but you're right.. it was stronger for guys. But I have little social experience to know for sure, like someone told me on my post, this might take a long time for me. I seriously started to consider my sexuality May 1st. Its only been 2 weeks.. I don't know for sure if I'm fluid and I'll settle for a sexuality eventually, but I'm not sure for now. This post helps a lot

    ---------- Post added 16th May 2015 at 05:13 PM ----------

    I'll definitely keep posting on here, with everyone's advice I've understood myself and others a lot better.
     
  8. Looker123

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    To OP, I'm sorry but I have to contradict you here. I was unconsciously thinking about this article and what you describe is monogamy. We aren't monogamous by nature, only very recently in human history did we begin to practice this. we are polygamists and promiscuous, so I can't really take this advice. It doesn't apply to our natural sexual natures. I've read a lot about human sexuality. And I'm naturally smart, so I guess this is why I can't take your viewpoint on this. I'm sorry but its how I see it.

    But if you still feel attraction, then you should base your sexuality on that. Not on a monogamy- viewpoint. Again I'm sorry but I can't take your advice

    ---------- Post added 16th May 2015 at 06:23 PM ----------

    Just 8,000 years ago women were reproducing at 17-1 ratio than men. I don't think many of these women that were having kids thought of choosing who was going to father her kids ,by thinking about who they were going to spend the most time with and live with for the rest of their lives. Human nature is what it is, and I think you're trying to apply monogamy in sexual relationships in general, but its not how human nature is. I think its more how you feel and how your body reacts, and your Freudian slips that determines your sexual orientation, since its unchangeable
     
  9. Justinian20

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    I know what you are saying here. It is true that monogamy is not human nature, in fact polygamy is human nature, every human is a polygamist at heart. But I am applying what I felt during high school and the walks of life as advice. Now you do not have to agree with this advice, so let me tell you this is from my experience. Plenty of people have different experiences in fact honestly my advice to you. Is simply look at your attractions, be they mental or physical, (now determine which one feels stronger), you are probably attracted to those people be they man or woman. I feel like plenty of people would disagree with my advice. It's like oh no it's not about how you feel to a specific gender. Why do you see this as me trying to add monogamy to a sexual relationship, I am not doing that. I am simply stating that if you emotionally feel stronger to one sex, you are more so attracted to that sex. Yes I do have just the feelings of getting hard and thinking a guy is sexy. (I have a low sex drive though) I feel this advice is best applied to low sex drives and for the higher sex drives well I don't have that experience so I don't know about none of that.
     
  10. Looker123

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    I read your post, and I misunderstood what you were saying in your OP. Sorry
     
  11. eburian

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    Seriously this helps a lot thank you! :grin: