Hello everyone, My first post here, because mulling things over in my head has not been helpful so far at all. I'm bi, I think, although I have always thought that labelling is an insane practice. For a long time I could not believe straight or gay people - It felt unnatural to me, to make a 100% distinction based on gender, but i've come to realise that probably just means I'm bi myself? However, I've always been a guys-girl: most of my best friends are guys, and consequently, my longest relationships have been with men. For some reason, men don't make me shy, and I feel confident around them, making it easy for me to meet them. I have been intimate with girls, but despite my best efforts it never worked out for long, and I got hurt several times. All the times I got hurt have made me scared and more and more shy, and I came to the point where I considered to just try and bury my interest in women. By now I realised (obviously) that doing that is not working out as I had hoped . So now I have to deal with it, but how? Whenever I feel attracted to a girl, I hear myself think "don't bother, she's not interested. Best not make her uncomfortable." or "I'm not good enough for her, shouldn't give myself any false hope," and I shy away. I know I'm wrong sometimes! Like with this wonderful girl I dated for a while, for whom i made up the couch to sleep on the first THREE TIMES she stayed over, being so scared to impose by asking her to stay in bed with me. The third night she finally came out to say: "you do realise I'm here for you right..?", and crawled in bed with me, where all was well . And only a couple of weeks ago, a girl winked at me at a party and I felt so paralysed that I left the party to sit by myself and read a book. (Hah, I would laugh at my own inadequacy if it wasn't so sad). Now I have a crush on my neighbour, she's so beautiful and likeminded, but they only way I can talk to her is if I force myself to temporarily forget my desire for her. I feel like such a fool and I feel so trapped not being able to express this part of who I am. What is the matter with me? :help:
Even though there are not yet any replies, writing this down already helped me somewhat to figure out what's up... The thing is, the first girl I fell for and tried hard to get a date with, being quite insecure on how to, turned me down by saying I was too straight for her.... She never gave me a chance, perhaps because of her own insecurities. But I did feel like I fell short by, indeed, also feeling attracted to men... Then I fell for a bi-girl that I was really prepared to go all the way with, but she messed around with me, pushing me away, then pulling me back in. She threw enchanting smiles and kisses my way, until I was practically on my knees begging for her and then she would drop me again. It made me feel like I'm not doing any girl a favour with my feelings... So I tried to shut them down, and now I'm trying to make room for them again. Does anyone have any tips on how not to fall apart when a girl you like gets close? Or is it just practice.practice?
I don't think I'm much help here, but I can totally relate to feeling shy or insecure around people you are interested in. It's probably part of the reason I have no dating experience, having married my best fried turned high school boyfriend, and the only other person I've been with was my bff.
Hey welcome to EC, don't worry about posting to get your thoughts down it can really help. I cant necessarily help on the bisexual front as I don't consider myself bisexual but I think it is only natural to find it difficult to talk to people you like. In fact for me I think the more I liked someone the harder it would be which is silly and frustrating really but that's how it is. In shutting down your brain is just trying to protect you from getting hurt again but in doing so it makes it harder for you to approach the people you like. I am probably not the best for advice but if I can help I will and if you want to talk I will always listen. Perhaps you could try finding girls in places where you know they are gay or bisexual therefor at least cutting out the problem of them being straight. Having low self esteem is tough but try not to let your past experiences affect your future, not all girls are like that.
Hello Reading this I almost felt like I am myself! I previously have only dated men, but ever since I have met this woman I am just charmed by her. However I get quite nervous around her because I am having feelings for her and I think I am entirely unsure what to do with myself. I seemed to sense this too reading your post. I wish you the best with everything..... just now you are not alone in this roller coaster ride of sorting feelings! -Ashley
