Hi all, I'm 31, female, and have been questioning my sexual orientation on and off for years. Sometimes I think I might be a lesbian (I can identify early childhood same-sex thoughts, am attracted to some women, and sometimes dream about women), but then I wind up meeting and falling in love with men, for whom I feel a very real and undeniable physical attraction to men. For years I have internally accepted that I am bisexual, and I have never done anything with a woman. However, my inner voice sometimes says that I am a lesbian, and I feel that this thought is starting to sabotage my current relationship (with a man) or would in the future if I ever pursued anything with a woman. I feel like my same sex attractions are cyclical, but then I start to wonder if I am just repressing the truth about myself. But how could I be deeply attracted/aroused by some men if that is the case? Of course, I feel like this anxiety is making me less attracted to my current partner, perpetuating the cycle...Has anyone struggled with these issues? A lot of coming out stories I read are specific to people who are lesbians, and I'm wondering how bisexuals can find peace with their identity. I tend to see things about my life in black and white, so naturally this is driving me bonkers! Sidebar: I will say I recently realized (with a therapist) that I have anxiety issues/obsessive thinking that goes beyond this one issue, and I am prone to catastrophic thinking.
I could have written this post word for word. I have been with guys and have been very happy. Other people have been doubting me, which makes me doubt myself. It's a bit of a vicious circle. I'm not sure what advice to give as I'm currently questioning myself. It might help if you think about who you want to be with- sexually and romantically.
