Hello everyone, I have been struggling taking in emotions of feelings I have been feeling for a friend of mine. I have read that labels are just labels, meaning if you identify you are "straight" you must be straight.. and I have been trying to get the notion "you've always been straight" or what will your family think of you as my family is fairly religious, far away from my head though difficult to do. See, before this I really had no desire to be with another woman, although I have admired certain ones that are down right beautiful, I never had a longing to be in a relationship, physical or what not. However, since meeting my new friend from a league we were in, things seem to have shifted. I am pretty sure she flirts with me though it is hard to tell as you know, and I can really be naive sometimes. Once I told her as a joke, I felt like a friend and I were doing a 'drug deal' because we were meeting up in a parking lot. She responded "hmmm sounds sneaky " This to me, just felt like she was flirting but maybe I am over reading it. She always tells me she's there for me anytime I need someone, cheers me up, and we always joke back and forth. Yesterday for example I got absolutely sunburnt and she called me 'little lobster hehe' and I just think it is one most sweetest things ever..... She really is beautiful, so intelligent, funny, and one of the most kind hearted people I know. Ive only known her about a month now, but if I needed Anything, I know she would be there. I can open up to her so easily and for me, that is very rare to do. I guess what I am looking for guidance with is, how should I make out my feelings? Before this I have always dated or pursued men, and she's really the only woman I felt like this for. I long for her messages or hearing how her day is. I have let my mind wander into a physical relationship, how that would be, and to some degree I would like to try it, and just go from there. Sorry if this is so long winded, I just really needed to vent and express what I am going through...any replies of advice or encouraging words, are so much appreciated!! Thank you. Best wishes, Ash. ---------- Post added 17th May 2015 at 06:23 PM ---------- I also want to add, that the last thing I ever want to do is to hurt her, or to play with her emotions in any way. I would rather just have our friendship and nothing else if that is what it takes. But I don't want her to feel like she is some "test" for me to figure things out, or to lead her on the wrong way.....
So it sounds like you have a crush on her friend, that's adorable! I've been in this situation( a little different) before and others could probably relate as well. The first thing I want to point out is, it's possible that you could be a lot of different things! And I know that doesn't really help but when you're first trying to discover your sexuality you're gonna go through a lot of stages. You might at first think she's the only one and you're attracted to males and just her. Have you been attracted to other women in the past-- you've mentioned that they were 'pretty' and I think the real question is were they 'pretty bangable'? When I was questioning, I thought the ladies were pretty and I found no need to question why I stared a second longer and etc. Bring back those old memories and think. Now that is a possibility that it's really is just her but you should probably figure that out before you go any further. After you ask those questions, then you can try to label yourself. Although, I'm one to always be in need of a label and I understand why you wanna know, I must be honest when I finally got a grip on my sexuality, my label- nothing changed. The label didn't change and it didnt changed how I liked at myself-- its really not that important but like I said before I do understand. There's a lot of questions going to figuring out your sexuality. Some I already mentioned and there's others like romantic, sexual interest, past history, etc! The list can go on! A lot of people figure it out sooner than others and I think it just depends on you individually, so don't rush it. I hope you got the jest of this and if you have any questions on it, message me on my wall or post another thread! EC is very welcoming. On to the friend problem... I understand what's it's like thinking a friend is flirting and into you but not being sure because you both think the other is straight. It's confusing and to be honest once again, you never know in less you ask! A lot of people have told me that and guess what? They're right. My flirting with girls can be interpreted as being friendy because we're girls and thats not socially norms. The girl, your friend, can very much be flirting with you but you'll never know in less she hints to you that she's into girls or wants to be with you. It might even be subtle but pick up on what she says and how she behaves. Think about how you behave around her or how a guy behaves around someone he likes-- its noticeable but harder when you're both girls. Don't experiment with her in less both of you are sure, otherwise you can both get hurt in the end, take your time with the relationship if you even find there is one. Hint to her, be touchy- not creepy and just do what you normally do! good luck and again connect me if you need help, I've went though this recently and I understand but I think you're brave for taking this step.
Girls are very complex... you're reading way too much into it. She might be teasing in a friendly way. And you you'll never hurt a girls feelings or lead her on.. Girls are so complex, I suggest you read about them if you don't have anyone to teach you about them. Try girlschase.com and see why you'll never lead her on or hurt her feelings
Thank you both for your replies!!! I may be going to a show with her this weekend so we'll see how things go, just taking it slow and figuring it all out. All I know is I haven't felt this happy and content in a Long time, so that really says something to me and my feelings toward her.....
Hey Ash, I can relate 110% - it's the whole reason why I've joined this site. I'm 18 and have never had feelings for another girl before in my life, but I've always admired women too. I started college at the end of February and I have a new friend in my dorm, we spend loads of time together and I love her to bits. I can't tell if what I'm feeling is just love for my new friend or if I actually have a crush on her, but sometimes I just want to kiss her. I don't think it's in a sexual way, I think I just want the closeness. This is where it gets confusing for me - I wouldn't want to do anything more than kiss. So I guess we're in a bit of a similar situation, maybe we can help each other out?
Hey! I'd love to keep in touch and help us both navigate through this...it's a lot better to have someone than go alone. It's funny I'm talking to her now and I swear there's not another person I'd rather share my day with... Feel free to message me through here. Hope to hear back -Ash
Just tried to send you a message but it says we need to be full members to do that? A bit annoying but I guess this is it for the moment! I was just doing some reading and I thought it might be of help to you too, I'll put the link down below. If you read this bit about romantic attraction, and then crushes and squishes, it seemed to help me out quite a bit. Hopefully it does the same for you! Just from reading this, I'm pretty sure I identify as biromantic heterosexual, but this is so new so I can't be 100% sure right now. Good luck! Attraction - AVENwiki Oli
Wow how lame! Thanks Oli I will check out the link!! I was wondering does your friend flirt or hint they're into you? I'm. Having the Hardest time figuring out if my friend is flirting with me..i don't want to be awkward asking are you straight or no? And I'm quite confused how far I should go with things for flirting because I don't want to hurt her...it's all really confusing
I really struggled with knowing whether she was flirting with me but after last night's events, I'm pretty sure she was! We do a lot of girly stuff like laying on top of each other, we hold hands a fair bit and we kiss on the lips (like a peck) when we're drinking, as well as dancing on each other pretty sexually. Last night we were pretty drunk and went a little further, we did the usual kissing on the lips but at some stage we ended up touching tongues which was nice but weird, and she pretended to motorboat me a few times which was new. Then there was a competition for sexiest couples and she grabbed me and said we should enter so we were dancing on each other and then (I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS) she said we should make out but I didn't even realise she had said it until after the competition was over, which was a bummer. So I'm pretty confident now and will probably make a move on either Tuesday or next Saturday! I totally get you. It's really hard to tell, is your friend shy? Mine is pretty closed off and not particularly emotional so it can be hard to get a grasp on how they're feeling!!
Wow, that is so great Oli!!!!! I would totally say just keep doing what you are doing....she clearly is interested as well. You will have to keep me up to date with everything! It is hard to tell, I think I will know more once I start seeing her in person again and get a feeling for things. I did post another because her and I have been clicking in ways we have not before and I Really needed some advice on this. I hope I am not being a horrible person in leading her on, but texting her and teasing just feels so right and unforced. I just hope that when I see her next week she isn't expecting something or has the idea Im lesbian. Granted neither of us haven't told each other anything related to that........ thank you for being there to listen, I wish you the best Oli!
