What's more important 'orientation' or 'preference'?

I prefer orientation in regards to myself because saying I prefer women seems to make people think I can be available to men, when I'm not.

However, I understand that others may view the definitions differently.

 

This, pretty much.

To break it down even more:

You say the word "orientation", it sounds official. But if you say "preference", it will imply it is an option, even if you want it to or not.

 

Preference is a word that I'm not fond of when talking about my sexuality because it sounds like I chose to like women which is not true. It makes more sense if bisexuals use it or when talking about the type of person you're attracted to.

 

Sounds pretty gay to me. Is there some other definition? Loads of straight people would probably be able to have a sexual fling with someone of the same sex. Biologically speaking, it's not like it would be some sort of physically painful experience. Straight people do that all the time and don't call themselves bisexual.

Why do you call yourself gay? Is it because being gay is an essential part of your personality? Probably not. You call yourself gay so you can let other people know you're looking for relationships with women. That's really about it. I mean, your orientation is really only one part of your life. Why label yourself as bisexual if you only have a 5% chance of actually finding a guy you would want to date? You're just going to end up turning down a lot of nice guys who are going to get the wrong idea. And it's so much energy on your part for a marginal preference that's unlikely to lead to anything.

If you haven't fallen in love with a guy yet, call yourself gay. I think that's the true measure of orientation. And if you do, who cares! Correct people and say you're bisexual. Anyone who has a problem with that is just going to have to deal with it. It won't kill them. Most people will devote five minutes of their time thinking about it, and then they'll move onto their own problems. At the end of the day, people are way too preoccupied with their own lives and personal issues to care about yours (which I think can be comforting). Weird analogy, but compare it to people who get a divorce. You say your vows, make a big show of how much you love each other, and a few years down the line it's over. Yes it's uncomfortable, but people move on. They may remarry or get back into the dating scene, and pretty soon, that's their new normal. No reputation is completely, rigidly set in stone, even if it may be awkward to have to change it. If it ever comes to that - and I'm not saying it will - you'll be fine.

 

Neither imo, love is more important <3

 

Depends, but I would say orientation because of the murky nature of the word "preference"

 

LooseMoose, I wonder if you just need to use your own word to describe yourself in order to feel more comfortable at this point. If you want to say you "prefer women" and that is how you identify there's nothing stopping you, right? I know we've discussed this in threads before, because I also feel like I'm in the murky "Kinsey 5" territory between bi and gay. At times I too have a lot of anxiety about how to label myself, and about my male attractions. I think you just need to find what works best for you, and try not to let other people's opinions weigh on you so much. You seem to know who you are and what gender you want to be with. What you want to call those feelings is up to you.

 

As a bisexual woman, "preference" makes a lot of sense to me...but exactly because both *are* options. That is my orientation: bisexual, with a preference for women.

But "preference" does not make much sense for lesbians and gay men, since both aren't serious options.

Let's suppose (yes, another food analogy) you are offered a bowl of peanuts or a lettuce salad, and you are deathly allergic to peanuts, but like salad. Would you say the salad is your preference? I think you'd want to be a little more explicit than that.