I'm wondering if I can get some perspective on what other people feel while kissing. I'm very inexperienced, having kissed only 2 long-term partners (both male, both multi-year relationships). Aside from my very first kiss, which resulted in heart racing, "well I guess I've done this new thing now" feelings, I have never have felt anything while kissing, emotionally or physically. In fact, with my first boyfriend I came to dread ends of dates, because I knew it was going to happen and I wasn't going to enjoy it like he did. I don't feel repulsed or anything negative when I kiss my current boyfriend, but I certainly don't get anything out of it. What's missing??? I want to like it, but I don't. The idea of kissing a girl seems vaguely appealing (can't tell if it's something inherently within me, or just the sort-of taboo of it, at least within some circles). Touching a girl seems like it could be nice, too, but I don't feel myself craving contact with a girl either. I'm wondering how other people (of any orientation) have felt with regard to kissing, and if your good/bad experiences revealed anything about your orientation. Taking it a step further, is it possible to feel nothing from kissing a person, but somehow one day enjoy sex with that same person?
Kissing a girl feels nice- it's like a warm butterfly feeling, and I often find myself craving more of it. I've never kissed a guy (that one time in first grade didn't count) so I don't have anything else to compare it to. It could have something to do with your sexual orientation, or it could be that you're just not really into kissing. Other than the kissing part, how were your relationships with these guys?
The relationships were great, and I'm still in my current one. He's a great guy, and it'd be perfect if it weren't for the physical compatibility thing. Is it crazy to stay in a relationship where the physical part is missing, but everything else is pretty good?
You gotta do what feels right for you. If you're happy in a relationship that doesn't involve physical attraction, go for it. If you're not happy and you feel like you miss being physically attracted to the partner, then you should probably think about finding someone to whom you're romantically, physically and sexually attracted.
I like making out with guys more than girls I think. I've made out with more guys than girls (in fact I only made out with one girl). Both feel nice and feel good in their own ways. I still like making out with guys though, seems to fit more.
As for me, I've only been with one person and it was a guy. Emotionally I was very attracted, we were close friends and very compatible in that way. But like you when it came to the physical aspects of the relationship I just didn't care for it much. Kissing was ok, but nothing to write home about. When we'd get together I'd often be waiting for him to make a move and "get it over with" when it came to making out. I didn't really have a desire to do it, but I loved him and went along with it for his sake. I thought maybe I didn't like kissing, or that I was asexual, or that my anxiety was getting in the way of my enjoyment. This carried though all the intimacy, though we didn't end up having sex (probably because I didn't want it, and he was incredibly patient with me). I've not been with a woman yet, but if I try to think about it in my mind at least, it seems more desirable than kissing a guy. Have you done anything besides kissing with these guys? If so, did you feel the same way as you do about kissing? Or was that any better? Have you ever crushed on a girl? Or found yourself noticing attractive women?
Your experience sounds so much like mine. I am currently baffled as to whether I am asexual, too anxious about sex to enjoy anything, or maybe I'm a lesbian and everything would feel totally natural if I were with the correct gender. I've considered all these options at length, and really do struggle to know the answer. I've done more than kissing with my current boyfriend, but have not had sex due to all the conflicted feelings I just named. He's my best friend, and I want the relationship, but I don't feel anything when I get physical with him. I don't enjoy anything intimate that we do, but I initiate at times because he enjoys it, though he knows how I feel and that does make him sad. If you don't mind me asking, what made you finally decide that you could not continue with that relationship? My boyfriend has, similarly, been very understanding with me, but I'm unsure of what to do with the relationship. I do wonder if I could feel something more sexual with a woman, but I hesitate to leave my best friend, with whom I could happily spend my life if it weren't for the whole lack-of-attraction thing. Thanks to all of you for your answers and for sharing your experiences.
I've only cuddled a girl before, and I just felt kind of sick and ecstatic at the same time. But also just empty and no craving for anything. She's a good friend of mine and a lot of the time I think 'wow she's beautiful' but it just doesn't feel 'deep'. I think that 'deep' feeling is a key thing and also 'craving' and 'desire' but also I guess just do it if you like it or don't if you don't like it or whatever you want and it shouldn't determine that you are or aren't into your partners gender or anything. There is a video on youtube on bria and chrissy's channel called 'what does a lesbian kiss feel like?'maybe you could check that out.
I broke up with my ex for different reasons altogether. At the time I still felt I just had some sort of "intimacy issues" and though I knew in the back of my mind I had had crushes on women in the past I was still repressing a lot of that, and didn't consider too strongly that the problem might be that I didn't like men in that way. I was really in love with him, so it seemed like I did like men, you know? And I feel I should be totally clear also, and say that while I think I'm most likely gay, I do at times still wonder if I may be a little bisexual, as I don't have *zero* attraction to men. It's more that my attraction to women is so, so much stronger. As for you, have you found yourself noticing women? Have you had any crushes on women? And how about men other than your bf? Ever feel attracted to other men, or had crushes on other guys in the past? For me, I had several crushes on female friends, but I suppose I just wasn't ready to deal with my sexuality at those points and either rationalized my feelings away or repressed them. I think my only genuine guy crush was my ex, though I did have maybe a few other minor and semi forced crushes on another guy or two for a short while. Those "crushes" were in retrospect rather detached and unnatural, it was almost like I was computing how compatible we could be on paper rather than feeling any kind of natural draw to those guys. With the women I've crushed on though it's been quite different, that sort of attraction that creeps up on you and grows until she's all you can really think about. :icon_redf
