I have had anxiety over my orientation now for a year and a half. I'm 18. It consumes my every thought during the day everyday since i started thinking about it. But I feel like I'm straight, so let me see what you guys have to say. I test myself constantly to see if I'm attracted to guys. I constantly see if I get arousal or a tingle down there.. just to make my anxiety go away and give me a reason to be happy. I've tried to stop looking at porn, cause I feel I wouldnt have this problem without it honestly. I've grown up attracted to girls and crushed on girls, it was the best feeling being girl crazy and wanting to kiss and touch my girl classmates I'd have crushes on. I've never had a crush on a guy btw. Anyway to save the whole biography thing, I'll just tell you this: I go through phases where I feel straight some days, have hot girls come into my work with swimsuits on and get aroused. Then I go through other days where I feel all insecure and shitty and get jealous of every guy that might be better looking than me, then I feel like I must be gay cause I'm checking him out to see if hes better looking and I feel like he has something I dont. Anyway, thats when I'll freak out and go test myself. I don't get aroused by naked pictures of guys, no matter what they look like. But if I see gay porn by accident or something like a gay gif when testing myself, I get a tingle. Not an erection, but I feel like I could get off if I were to give into it or something. Could it be that the gay porn just sends off a certain vibe or sexual energy? I dont think its the guys looks in the porn but the whole situation of the act. I never want to kiss a guy, touch a guy, and never want to date a guy. I only want a girlfriend and to have sex with women, but the fact that I think I can be aroused by gay pornography scares me into an anxiety ridden state. I also can get off to lesbian porn and straight porn, and I get aroused by seeing naked women, but not naked guys. BTW im a virgin, if that makes any difference.
Porn doesn't determine someone's sexual orientation. There are many women, for example, who enjoy watching lesbian porn and get aroused, but they're straight. From what you said it seems to me that you're straight, since you've never had physical, romantic or sexual attraction towards a guy.
Anxiety screws with you a lot. Only way to find out your true attractions is just letting yourself go with the flow. In the end of all of this, you could be a straight guy; one with homoerotic interests, or a bisexual male, with preference for women. It took my a year to finally come to terms with it. There's still much left to do, but I'm glad to get up to this point. I'm not a fan of labels so I hope you don't get mixed up in the same situation I was. Labels, as I've come to learn, only represent a small part of you. There's much more to someone than who they fall in love with. This whole situation you're going through is a journey. Don't for a second rush yourself because you'll miss the important parts.
