So, I guess I should start this off by saying that I've had crushes on girls and guys. However, I've only had sex with girls. I've never even kissed a guy before, only hugged. And I've only had one serious boyfriend, and he was online. I'm definitely more experienced and more willing to 'fool around' with girls. I would also love to date a girl. My parents are of course, huge homophobes. I'm a closet atheist too, and they don't know because if they find out, they could restrict what I'm allowed to do. Imagine the lengths they would go to to make sure I'm straight. That could be one of the reasons I'm struggling right now, because they basically shoved "gay is wrong" down my throat since I was born. I'm 16 now, and I finally broke free of the shackles of religion and bigotry when I was 14. Anyways, back on the subject... I've tried asking my friends for help, but they don't really care. They always change the subject back to their crushes (they're all straight). They aren't much of a help to me, I hate to say it. I don't really have anyone else I can ask for advice, so EC is my only safe space for now. I posted a thread when I first made my account about me being confused as a Christian, but that was way before I became an atheist, and discovering my sexuality is so much different now. I guess I'm mad. And angry, frustrated, scared, nervous, and somewhat ashamed. I wish I could just know for sure, maybe even have a solid definite answer in me of my sexuality! If I'm bisexual, I wish I could just be a lesbian so my life is not confusing, and so I don't confuse others. But I'm still not sure. I mean, should I try sex with both genders, and see what I prefer? Is that how I'll know my sexuality? Like I said, I've never even kissed a guy. I think I still count as a virgin, so that would mean losing my virginity, because I didn't do much with the girls I've messed around with. I'm not sure how graphic I'm allowed to get, but it was mostly making out and *me* fingering her. She didn't do anything to me...sadly. But I enjoyed it. Anyways, all awkwardness aside...I need some help. Please? I hate being so confused...
I'm sorry that your friends haven't been the best about listening to you. That's all too common for younger LGBT folks. I don't think you need to try sex with both genders to know whether you're a lesbian. I'm gay and I've only ever had sex with a man, and I'm very confident in my sexuality. You should trust your feelings. You never talked about your feelings for guys; just your lack of experience with them. How do you feel about the idea of sex with a man? Vs. sex with a woman? Do you have any attraction to men that you can feel? You mentioned crushes, but what about the guy made you crush on them? I'm sure that as you age a little more (maybe even just a year or so) you'll grow a lot more comfortable with your sexuality. Asking questions is a key to understanding yourself, and EC is a great place to do it. Continue to talk about your feelings, ask any questions you have, and I'm sure you'll recognize the sexuality you identify with.
A lot of people have to go through the whole am I aren’t I thing until they just know. How you get to that point is another matter, everyone is different but the thing for me was just time and experience. I didn’t know… until I just did then I had no idea how I hadn’t known all along, but there you go. I know that’s probably not very helpful. Things that may help you get there, is thinking about who/what you’re attracted to; have you had attractions to both sexes, or just women; Who can you picture yourself in a relationship with; what turns you on/off; you’re in a public place, who are your eyes drawn to etc, etc. My advice would be to go with your feelings. If you feel an attraction to someone, male or female, go with it and see where it leads. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting, but I wouldn’t advocate sleeping with a man just to see. That's not something you need to do to find out. If there’s no attraction there it probably wont be a very pleasant experience. Of course, if there is something there, attraction etc then go for it. Virginity is just a social construct, in my opinion. But that’s a whole other discussion, lol. Try not to get hung up over it. Sex is defined by the person having it. What you described, well that sounds like sex to me. Hang in there. What you’re going through emotionally sounds pretty normal. Being surrounded by straight people, oh man, I feel your pain. The good news is it doesn’t always have to be that way, there are communities/groups hopefully that you could link into if/when you’re ready. You’ll get there just give yourself time and most importantly permission to be who you want to be.
