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Anyone who is attracted to more than one sex: how does it feel?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alder, May 21, 2015.

  1. Alder

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    So yeah, I'm sorry if I can't find a better way to phrase that question-I really hope this doesn't sound offensive.

    I'm on the edge/sort of unsure about whether I'm gay or bi/pan, so I wanted to ask if anyone who's attracted to not just the same or other sexes can describe how it feels being attracted to more than one and how you came to terms with that over time. I know it can be different for everyone.

    I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to ask here but, for those who do identify as bisexual/pansexual/romantic, what are your experiences? Thanks in advance for any replies! (*hug*)
     
  2. Kaiser

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    All of the responses are going to boil down to one thing:

    We're all different.

    I'm sure there do exist perfect fifty-fifty splits, but people either tend to lean one way or the other, all the time, or depending on several factors. Some have very specific guidelines or standards that skew their attractions, and that's fine, if it works for them.

    For me personally, I like both men and women obviously. But my attraction to women is, usually, deeper than to men. The reason for this being, I'm transgender, so there is an invested interest for me to notice and compare myself to women.

    If I had to put a percentage to it, I'm sixty-percent women, forty-percent men. Non-binary fits in there, too, but I'm trying to keep this as simplistic as possible, for your sake. I know you've been curious about your own feelings.

    Sometimes an individual can come along and totally fuck up the system. What do I mean? Well, let us say for the past week I've been thinking more so about women. Suddenly, this guy shows up, is fun and clever, totally blows me away, and now I'm thinking about men.

    That said, I also have different degrees of attraction. For example, I may find two women attractive, but one is in more of a 'I like that attitude' and the other is in more of a 'Their sense of expression is lovely'. How that initial attraction is developed will determine any consideration for possible further actions, like dating.

    But this is what I believe will help you most:

    I can tell you what I like, easily enough. I try not to worry about what I don't like, because if it matters, I'll find my answer. I focus on doing what I can, how I can, and if Ms. Right comes along, I know, just as I do if Mr. Right strolls by.

    Basically, I let each situation earn it's own merit. If I find ten women sexy and no men, okay, women are just doing it well. Same as if, one day, I see five hot guys in a row, then men are representing.

    I'll like what I like, and that's that.
     
    #2 Kaiser, May 21, 2015
    Last edited: May 21, 2015
  3. 6amb

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    I've always liked boys but one day I started finding girls attractive and fell in love with one. I didn't expect it but it wasn't a big deal. Now I think I am pansexual.
     
  4. Jax12

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    Hm. I think back before I started questioning, my attractions were almost 50/50. I cannot say which gender I leaned more because although I masturbated to men more than women, I thought of both in different ways.

    Now that I came to terms with my attractions, it's heavily skewed towards men. I'd say I'm 70% men and 30% women. It's all about how the person makes me feel, and whether or not I am able to reciprocate those feelings or not; that's usually the deal breaker for me.
     
  5. biAnnika

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    I mean...physically, it feels like strong sexual desire for people with two different body types. If you've experienced sexual desire, then that should make sense for one body type, at least. It's hard to know what you're looking for...I assume you don't want me to start talking about *what* I want to do with people??

    On the less physical side of things, I feel like I expressed things pretty well here.

    Intellectually, I've had no trouble "coming to terms"...I just know I'm attracted to both, fall in love with both, etc. Physically, my partner (who also identifies as bisexual) and I are working out how we feel about the possibility of incorporating men/others into our sex life.
     
  6. bicomplicated

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    Well before I came to terms with my bisexuality, I thought I was just weird. Now, it all just feels natural. I like who I like. If a woman came alone that peaked my interest, I'd be with her or if a man came along that peaked my interest, I'd be with him. How one gender turns you on.... for bi and pans, it's like that same feeling but with men and women. You feel the same as anyone else, I assume, but those feelings can sometimes be towards men and sometimes towards women. And, yeah, most bisexuals and pansexuals aren't 50-50 though I'd say personally I am pretty close. So you might feel stronger feelings for either men or women... you may not have equally strong feelings for both. But when someone, man or woman, comes along who floats your boat, you should be able to recognize this! Anyway, idk how much sense I am actuallu making, but I hope I helped you some! :slight_smile:
     
  7. MetalRice

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    I personally feel that it's not all that different from being attracted to just one gender, you just happened to be attracted to both.

    Of course, everyone's different; and the level of attraction that they have for one gender or the other can be radically different, even on different days. For me personally, my attraction towards women tends to be stronger and more pure and untamed erotic in nature then my attraction to men may be on a general basis at least, there are days where men catch my eye more then women through and where the attraction brings greater arousal or feeling in me; it really depends.
     
  8. Nightdream

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    It all began with the very first time I falled in love. It was for my best friend from the same sex. It took me years to realize that I couldn't be straight with those feelings for her. Wishing that she kissed me, told me she loved me, became my girlfriend... Things that I never felt for any guy before.

    Years have passed by and I still kept on questioning, and probably still am. What made me decide to use the label bisexual was the fact that I was too straight to be lesbian and too lesbian to be straight. I mean... What straight person would go all the way with the same sex and even develop romantic feelings for their bestie? Or what gay person would check the opposite sex so often and think about marrying someday?

    Also, before coming with the conclusion that I was bi I came out to my brother as a lesbian, but it felt like I was lying to him. So, was I straight then? I don't think so. Most people assume I'm straight and I feel like there is just something that this person doesn't know about me and I believe that they should. Recently, I came out to my schoolmates as bisexual and it just... Felt right.

    Not sure if this should determine your sexuality, but that's how I decided to solve my questioning problem and it worked.
     
  9. Gabe27

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    Well, everyone feels different so keep that in mind. :slight_smile:

    Personally I like boys a little more than girls. And for some time I thought I was gay, before realizing I could find some women attractive too.
    And of course I look for different aspects in men and in women, like most of bisexuals do.

    I used to question my sexuality because I didn't think what I felt for guys was the same I felt for girls, and it wasn't really. But it doesn't even matter anymore because I like myself that way (I'd say 4 in the Kinsey scale).
     
  10. PeachPenumbra

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    I think a lot of people would call me Pan but I identify as bisexual. In short I'm not sure I agree with the use of Pansexual, so I identify as Bi.

    I'm attracted to all genders, although obviously - not all people :wink:
    I don't have a preference, essentially gender just isn't an issue for me at all. I've always felt like that, when I was a kid I didn't really give it much thought. Took me a few years as an adult to accept it.

    I think the big thing is like seeing something as taboo or new can turn you on, but it doesn't mean you're gay/straight just because you're turned on by something new. No matter what sexuality you are, there will likely be a time when you question it or get confusing feelings. I had a friend who was straight, then she fell in love with a woman, she'd never been into women before but they're still together so I'm guessin it's going well. Sexuality can be a fluid thing.
     
  11. woahthatsboring

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    I've always "looked" at girls but ultimately I believed I was strictly straight and when I discovered three months ago, it wasn't really a surprise. Like I said before, I always looked at girls lol and I would stare a little longer than necessary plus in Janurary I developed a crush on a female classmate and it all "clicked". I never had to be reassured about my feelings for guys because they've stayed the same throughout my life. I actually notice that I have a better physical relationship with guys and a better emotional relationship with girls, I'm attracted to both but that's just what I found out. I haven't really accepted being attracted to both genders because its a little weird to say out loud, but deep down I know it's me and it fits me. Hope this helped you!
     
  12. Alder

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    Thanks for all the replies everyone (*hug*)