I've recently gotten in touch with my sexuality but I'm not sure what I am. I'm afraid to come out as gay so I've told my best friend and mom that I like guys "too." I've always at least been bisexual but dated girls for obvious reasons. I liked them and I didn't catch flack for dating them. I basically ignored my feelings. Well, half of them. I did flirt with other boys in middle school. I think I probably kissed one or two as a joke or dare among a group of friends. I've lost interest for girls almost completely over the last 9 months or so. I've been feeling almost… resentful. I liked women before, so I could like them again, right? I don't want to be that guy that's gay and then changed his mind later. I've heard the shit people talk about that, including my own family. I can't seem to get myself to use the term pansexual, bisexual, etc. I want to be able to say that I'm gay but I'm scared of this life change. I don't want to be a "gay" person. I just want to be normal to everyone. I'm not sure why I want to be gay either. Maybe it's the fact that I'm very feminine, even though I hide it. I 've been feeling like I should be "one of the girls" but I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I love dressing up, shopping, being girly, wearing makeup. Men are my preference but I'm into the idea of keeping an open mind and heart to everyone. I feel like I'll never be able to be myself. I keep fronting because I'm scared of this change. I also feel a bit unsure since I've never dated a man. As of lately I feel like a gay man with a straight man's life. I don't know how to be gay. Has anyone had similar issues?
I can relate to you a lot actually. I've always thought I was straight, for the most part. At first when I started questioning, it scared me but the thing is I never really liked guys a lot and so then I got used to the idea of "okay, I might be gay". I kind of hope I'm gay now since I've never liked a guy that much and that always concerned me. At the same time, I've never felt anything for a girl except mild sexual attraction sometimes. It's like I'm waiting for confirmation that I'm gay by liking someone. Unfortunately, I think the only thing you can really do is to wait it out and just let things happen in time. I personally haven't told a lot of people yet, but instead I've just told some friends that I'm questioning so then I don't have to worry about acting straight or anything but then there's no commitment either. You might also consider taking the approach of saying you're not labeling your sexuality yet. Also, it is very hard to sort of change your mind about your sexuality, especially if at first you say you're gay. But just think of it as coming out again: if you ever have to do this because you like a girl, it will be hard but once people know they'll eventually get over it. There's no telling who you may like in the future and that's your business. Hope this helps!
I think just from being on this forum a few weeks it seems like many have a tendency to overthink things when discovering something new about their sexuality and it's totally understandable but overthinking can be unhealthy. I think at times to preserve one's sanity it's best to just get out and meet people and be open to making new friends and let your guard down and try not to think too much about it. Being constantly worried about identity can be stressful. You're still normal. You're still you. Would it help if you just didn't label yourself at all?
Hi all, I think the best solution to discover how you feel is to date women and men, that way you will learn if you like one sex more than the other. Also a great think to make you feel normal is to YouTube some gay people. I don't know any good men couples to watch but Kaelyn and Lucy wanting them going about their daily lives in their glimpses of their long distance dating prior to living together shows they are as normal as heterosexuals. It is hard when the majority of people are heterosexual to feel comfortable with being anything other. But watching them shows me I could live happily with a women then same as with a man, it is all about who you love and it does not matter if you love women or men but that you are able to find someone who accepts you and let's you do what you want. If you want to wear makeup then wear it, if you don't then don't. Don't let societies majorities tell you your life is wrong, you decide how you want to live and live that way. If your are truly loved then people will accept you however you present yourself to the world.
You could also check out MarkEMiller, can't remember his boyfriend's YouTube channel, but the two are great examples of how life is later on.
