Bisexual, or gay.. It's driving me nuts!

well, im going to start out with the common response; and that is that only YOU can say for sure. it sounds cliché but it really is the truth. no one can look at you or take a test and say if your gay, straight, bisexual.... it just doesn't work that way; although it would make things so much easier haha.

i want to say that i can relate a lot. i think of my self as mostly gay. i like guys, but i cant deni that women are attractive. but i for me it comes down to who do i want to kiss and love on, and that always comes out to men for me. i also get along with women a lot and do a lot of "girl talk" with them, but honestly that doesn't mean someone is gay. a straight guy can go out on girls night just as much as a gay guy can. that's just a gay stereotype. try and look past the stereotypes and focus on your attractions. now i must ask; do you love the women your engaged to? in more than a best friend kind of way? do you want to kiss her and love on her? how do you look at women in general? do you find them attractive, physically, sexually?

i do want to say that you should to talk about this with your fiancée. tell her whats going on. maybe take a brake and explore a little. remember that happiness for both of you is the most important thing. there's no need in ether one of you being unhappy because your unsatisfied about this sort of thing in a marriage.

i do want to end and say that please dont take what im saying as gold. i dont have all the answers and the situation is always more complex than one can put in a simple forum post, so please just take my advice with a grain of salt and make your decisions based on YOU. but hopefully i helped a little and maybe someone else can add in their two cents as well :icon_bigg

also, good luck with your journey! it can be scary and grate all at once. (*hug*)

 

Honeybadger, I can totally relate to how you're feeling here. About 2-3 years ago, I was in your shoes, minus the having a fiance part. Like you, I've dated several women in the past. I would look at what passes for a gay stereotype and I didn't see myself represented at all. It took me a long time to really accept I was gay because I'd look at other gay guys and go, "but that's not me." And in truth, I was totally attracted to guys. That's the only thing that makes you gay: an attraction to the same gender.

This may take you months, years, or even decades to really sort of your feelings. Sexuality, your preferences, your attractions can be in flux. When I was 16, I hardly ever thought about guys - and probably repressed some of my feelings - but as I got older, my want of guys grew and grew. I would try and rationalize why it didn't work out with this girl or that girl, and the truth was that I just wasn't that attracted to them. I loved them as friends, but not as lovers / partners.

Really start to pay attention to who you're looking at. What guys do you find attractive? (skinny, buff, bigger, etc.) What girls do you find attractive? Does sex with your fiance bring you pleasure? Does it leave you satisfied? Does her companionship feel natural to you, or is it more of a friendship for convenience (e.g. not wanting to be lonely)? Can you really stand to live another 25 years with her? Do you really love her, or do you think you'll be going through the motions by year 2?

Also, don't worry so much about labels - are you gay, bi, blah blah. None of it matters. I honestly have no clue what I am, nor do I care. I'm a bit attracted to girls, but much moreso with guys. Does that technically make me gay? The saying is cliche but it's so true: love is love. Don't feel bad for your attractions if you are in fact attracted to men. It's perfectly natural and found across the animal kingdom. Billions of people have questioned their sexuality at some point in their life, and even if you're not attracted to men in the way you might suspect you are, there's something to be said for the way men befriend one another, and the way women are friends with each other.

Regarding "wanting a man's touch," if you are so inclined to experiment with a man, I think the only thing you can do is to call off the engagement with your bride-to-be and/or come clean. Sneaking around behind her back is cheating and very wrong for many reasons. There's nothing wrong with wanting to see what it's like being with a guy, but it is totally wrong deceiving your fiance.

Other than what I've just said, Wolfi has some great advice as well. If you want to chat more, hit up my wall.

 

HI struggled with the gay/bi question for a long time, being married I thought if I was bi it might be OK, being gay on the other hand things are not going to work. I would go between the two depending on how I'd feel and got fed up, so have tried to loose the labels. Ultimately the vast majority of my sexual fantasies and desires are toward men, I still find women attractive but I don't feel any real sexual attraction not like i do toward guys, but I certainly have felt something in the past. I see myself more on a scale being between a 4 and 5 on the Kinsey scale, does that make me gay...? Am not sure but have stopped worrying about it now...