Hi all, clearly, I'm brand new here and looking for some advice and for someone like me? I don't know what I want really. I guess answers? I am 22 years old, pregnant with a little baby that I prayed so hard for and am so happy to have. I was born female and have always thought as myself as such. I am married to a wonderful man who I have strong sexual and romantic attraction too. What has me questioning my sexuality is. I had a girlfriend in school. We would kiss and hold hands and simply cuddle. I was sexually attracted to her, as in, I loved to touch her, but in a.. non sexual way? I liked to think about sex with her, but I didnt actually want to preform the act. This caused us to break up. She wanted more and I wasnt willing. Now, with my husband, or with my one other past boyfriend, I was sexually active, but I am still attracted to girls. Even now I still have a slight attraction to girls, but will not cheat on my husband. Am I wrong for thinking about girls in this way during sex with my husband? What does this say about my sexual orientation? I welcome any opinion or advice
Hi MooseTrack, welcome to EC! In my opinion, no. You would be wrong if you cheated on him, but, as you aren't doing that, then it's ok. However, that brings us to your second question: Only you can analyze your feelings and reach a conclusion about your orientation. Try answering the following questions inside your mind. Don't rush the answers, and be honest with yourself. Take as long as you need, 1 minute, 1 day, 1 month, a year or more if you need. Take a deep breath and stay calm. Do you feel attracted to woman? Do you fantasize about kissing a woman and being rommantically involved with one? What about sexually? If you were single (or in a relationship with a woman), would you have sex with a woman? What about men? Do you feel attracted to men? Fantasize about them? Do you enjoy sex with your husband, and do you feel attracted to him (or men in general)? If you had a girlfriend in school and you loved to touch her, and if you were attracted to her, then this is a strong indication that you may be non-straight. We are here for anything you might need. Hugs (*hug*)
Thank you so much for the quick reply. I always figured I was non-straight. But I forgot to add something else. I do feel attracted to my husband. I enjoy sex with him. But, I do not think about, I am not attracted to, and I am actually physically repulsed by the idea of sex with men who are not my husband. I fantasize about 0 men. I am attracted to ONLY my husband. On the male side anyways. I am attracted to my very best friend. I wouldn't want sex with her(or any girl) but I love the idea of being physically close to her/ females.
You're welcome! I'm always happy to help You should wait for a second opinion, as i'm not really experienced with some situations. You could be demi-sexual, which means you would only be attracted sexually to a person that is really close to you. You also could be biromantic heterosexual, which means you would be attracted rommantically to both cis genders, but only sexually attracted to males. However, don't jump to conclusions too fast. Start slowly thinking about yourself, like i said. And consider waiting for an answer of someone more experienced than me. Hugs (*hug*), i will be watching this thread
Thank you for your help friend I will take other opinions but will decide for myself. THe main reason I am seeking out advice is because i honestly dont know many sexuality's. I know what Gay, Lesbian and Bi means and thats basically it
Oh, just another tip, you don't need to worry about labels if you find them too confusing. For some people (myself including), it may help a lot to understand each label, but, for others, it is best to forget about labels.
Hi Moosetrack, I can relate a bit to how you feel. I am married to a man with two children. I feel in love with my female best friend when i was younger, but didn't know and or accept that is what is was until recently. I was raised in a religious household so exploring things with my best friend was not something I pursued and quite frankly I don't think she would have allowed it. She very much struggled with who see was and I believe still does. We had a very strong emotional connection and this spanned over two decades---until over two years ago when she completely broke off anything with me and we are no longer friends. I wondered if my connection/attraction to as singular to her. I married a man, enjoy sex with my husband sometimes (but not all the time) and like you the thought of sex with another man grosses me out and is not appealing to me. However, sex with a woman is something that is very appealing to me. I feel I would Love a physical connection with a woman, which i have never had. I have recently started talking to another woman whom I have developed a strong emotional connection too which led to feelings. I knew from that relationship that I was attracted to not only men, but women as well. It was not just a one time thing with my bf. There is something about an emotional connection between two women that is amazing. I guess I would be considered bi. But honestly labels mean nothing to me. I fall in love and am attracted to the person, their parts are irrelevant to me. You love who you love. I have come to this realization and accepted to be more open with myself about my sexuality late in the game, I am almost 37: my husband is aware of my attraction for women. I am open with him about it. I am also committed to my marriage. My family, my kids. I love my husband. I would love to have had a relationship with a woman prior to being married, but didn't and I have accepted I cannot go back and change things. You have a baby on the way (congrats!) that's the most important thing. Plus being honest with ur husband. Some people are ok with open marriages...some are not. Be true to yourself but also be honest with your husband. Having an attraction to women and thinking about them during sex with ur husband is not wrong---acting on your attraction and pursuing your attraction without the knowledge and or consent of your husband (in my opinion) would be wrong. Good luck . I always here to talk if you need to vent or process some things...
I'm going to throw a ditto to everything thirdtimecharm just said. Feel free to post to my wall once you have ten posts. I've got two kids, and I'm happy to chat husbands, sexuality, kids, etc. Two main questions: -does your husband know?/do you want him to know? -what was his reaction?/what do you think his reaction will be? I'd take things slowly right now. With both of my kids, it took months for life to feel normal again (6 w the first, 3 with the second), and that was before all this sexuality stuff came up again! Be easy on yourself, and try not to stress too much!
Wow, thank yall so much for the supportive words Thirdtimecharm. My family is also very religious, my dad was a pastor of a baptist church and I live in a major part of the bible belt. So me being bi or having interest in girls was always hard for me. I have come to terms with it, and I am okay with it now. I myself am not willing to have an open marriage. I have no desire to be psychically close with anyone other than my husband or my best friend. Physical contact goes no further than cuddles while watching movies. My husband knows about it, I am very open with him, I always have been. I have been open with my parents about everything BUT my interest in girls. I guess I can call myself bi, but I would rather just call myself Happy Im a VERY sexual person, but only with my husband. Whom I love dearly And we got to hear my little babies heart beat two weeks ago and I am so happy! I have lost two sweet babies in the 2 years my husband and I have been married. So to know that this little baby is growing healthy is just such a wonderful thing that I have prayed for every day since I peed on that stick (!) ---------- Post added 23rd May 2015 at 05:03 AM ---------- oh, and my husbands reaction was good. He bugs me a little bit because, while I dont want to have sex with girls, I do see girls that turn me on >.< Such as this cute little thing that works at a gas station, and he acts like a child in middle school any time we see her. Which is cute, but annoying lol. I dont think he understands that I just like to look.. not to partake. But I dont really feel its a problem. He trusts me and I trust him
