Hi all, Just to start off, I am a 28 year old male living in the UK and I have a girlfriend. I have been battling OCD (or what I think it is) for about 10 years. Let me give you a bit of an insight in to my story and I am sorry for the length of it! This all began years and years ago, when I was a child, I used to flick my wrist (what is associated with gay people, sorry for the stereotype). I realized I was doing this so I stopped and thought it was weird, this was when I was about 10. Things moved on from there and I never thought about it again until I got a bit older and I saw a picture of David Beckham on the TV with his t-shirt off and I got a bit hot and bothered which made me incredibly uncomfortable. This was when I was about 14. I used to get teased for being left handed and apparently more left handed people are gay, which again made me think. (sorry for all the stereotyping). I used to masturbate a lot and I mean a lot from the age of about 13-14 I could do it like 3 times a day it was madness! I always fantasized about girls when I ejaculated, always wanted to chat to girls on MSN etc. I used to have crushes in school and things which were always on girls. Anyway, from the ages of about 15, the whole "crush" thing died off except when I met my first girlfriend at the age of 17, I would literally sit near her and get an erection. At the age of about 18, something popped in to my head that questioned my sexuality, what it was though, I cannot remember. I got severely depressed about it all and ended up telling my girlfriend about it, she wasn't too impressed and didn't understand and about 3 months later we split up and its safe to say I was devastated. Since then I have slept with a few women (about 10-15) over the years and I had another steady girlfriend for 4 years who I have a child with. I now have another girlfriend and a child on the way. That leads up to now, I have spouts where I am fine and I can let the thoughts pass but then I have times where I really struggle. I avoid doing certain things just in case they make me "spike". I play football and I am always in the changing rooms with guys, I tend to find myself staring to see if I am attracted or not. I never have the tendency to have sex with a guy or anything like that (even as I am writing this, my head is saying I am lying!"). If I see an attractive guy now, its like I have an anxiety attack, my heart races and my temperature sores. I find myself looking at everything to analyze what I feel about them. I stare at men, then women to see who I am attracted to more. It is safe to say that my attraction to women is at an all time low now and it feels like it has diminished completely. This then only adds fuel to the fire and makes me think I am gay even more so. I tried to watch gay porn the other day and I didn't get an erection or feel any sort of excitement whatsoever. I have had counselling and he advised me I have OCD and I have already seen a doctor who thinks I suffer with anxiety issues. I think I also have a social anxiety as when I am at work, in my customer facing role, if someone comes to talk to me, I find myself panicking and sweating a lot, visibly sweating and it running down my face. I find myself constantly looking over my past and asking "why would I have had crushes on girls if I were gay" etc... Can anyone relate to this or give me any advice? Do you or have you been through the same thing?
Having attractions for the same sex does not negate attractions to the opposite. Bisexual, and middle identities, do absolutely exist. Don't believe that sexuality has to be one extreme or another. It sounds as though there could be a variety of fears and emotions that could be at the heart of all of this? Are you capable of sitting down with a professional again?
Hi Gen, I sit down with my therapist evey two weeks. He has advised me it's a sexual obsession and OCD but I cannot shake it. I do not have a desire to have sex with a man and even when I was single for a period of two years, I again had no desire. I don't feel the need to be emotionally close to a man either...so confusing. ---------- Post added 23rd May 2015 at 11:35 AM ---------- Ps. I feel I should also add that I have never fantasised over a man either. I had a dream once of having sex with a male friend of mine and it scared the hell out of me. I just cannot make head nor tail of this all.
Take some time to really consider the things that you are feeling when these emotions strike again. Our responses toward attraction are similar to our responses towards fear and intimidation. At the center of it, it appears that you have an intense fear of having homosexual attractions, regardless of whether you ever actually do. The question that we want to answer is, why? Where does this deep-rooted fear of being homosexual trace back to? Those are some things that I would consider.
Hi Gen, Thanks again for your reply. One of the biggest questions I have is why would I feel that way whenever I look at a male, regardless of who it is or in what context? My mind plays on that and can't let it go. I'm not sure why I have the fear, I think it's because from such a young age, it's something I was aware of and I was scared of becoming....
If your therapist suggested that you have a sexual obsession than he's probably right, I probably have the same thing as you have,and i can tell you it sucks. But you have to remember that you are straight,promise yourself that you will never check again,and remember,gay people don't fear the attraction,they love it.you don't,your'e afraid of it.
You know the way it works though my friend, can never seem to agree to that! Scares the hell out of me I am so depressed about it... I have even told my parents and my partner so if it was a coming out thing I have done the hard part!
First, about the OCD. I have OCD as well, and it sounds like you may have something called HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder), which means that your OCD mainly revolves around obsessing over your sexuality. Chances are if you have HOCD, you're straight and you're just getting yourself worked up. Second, having crushes on girls doesn't mean you can't be attracted to guys. It just means that you might be bi or heteroflexible. About the erections: keep in mind you're watching porn which may not necessarily be erotic for you and you may also be in denial. Since you've already established you're attracted to girls, you can further explore if you're attracted to guys as well.
Hi All, This is an old thread but I am still having trouble with this issue. Is anyone able to help me at all, I mean I have literally no idea if I am gay, hetro or what. I spoke to the LGBT helpline the other day and spoke about my issues and one thing he said to me was "have you fantasized over men, masturbated to men or had any dreams where you are sexual with men" and my honest answer to that is no. This whole thing is literally with me from the very moment I wake up until the minute I go to sleep and it feels like a weight which is crushing me. I cannot even watch TV anymore, for example, I will watch football and if a player slightly lifts his top or I catch a slight glimpse of their torso naked, I start to get in to all sorts of panic. I was playing FIFA the other night and I went to select something, it was to get in to the online section and it happened to be a man with his top off, no face or anything and again I panicked. I literally have no idea about this anymore and it is all just getting so much. Can anyone help?
Hi. I'm sorry for your struggle. I can completely empathize. I have a question. How did you realize you were OCD. And do you have other OCD tendencies outside of sexual thoughts? I'm really interested. My therapist told me I was OCD as far as daily routine stuff. I was wondering if that could affect my sexual thoughts. Then I read your post. Thanks.
I do have minor OCD tendencies, things like needing to tap the same place on the sofa when I walk past, counting when I drink to make sure that the amount of times I swallow isn't an odd number etc. I had previous different tendencies, when I was younger I had to say a prayer before I went to sleep and if I did it wrong I thought my family would be hurt etc... I am not sure if this is anything to do with my sexuality or not but I have a continuous thought pattern in my head which debates my sexuality. Yes I can admit that I do find some men to be attractive, David Beckham, Ryan Reynolds etc...but is it sexual attraction I'm not sure as I don't fantasise about being sexual with any male. The only time I think about sexual activities with men is when I'm trying to test myself to see if I like it or not. However on the reverse of that, I don't think of women in a sexual way either, my mates all say "look at the tits on that" or "I'd smash her" and I don't. I have had sexual inter course with many women and sometimes I've had erection issues because I haven't been turned on enough, I've never thought about men during intercourse though. Again, I've slept with women and been horny as hell. I remember my ex girlfriend and I were led in bed after a few dates and I literally couldn't get rid of my erection if I tried, I was mega turned on. This is literally endless questioning in my head and it seems silly writing it down but I'm so stuck.
It's not silly. I'm going through the same thing. Although I've slept with men. Quite a few men. And I'm still not sure. I'm just scratching the surface on my OCD issues. I do relate with the continuous thought pattern going on in your head. I seem to obsess on let's of things. Now my focus is on my sexuality. I am so obsessed with finding out who I am, I'm analyzing my self every skiing moment. I joke with my therapist that I wish my brain had an off switch. I wish I could just "be" and not stress on the how or why. I'm dory to ramble. I have so many thoughts on this issue. I could write for days.
I've been through something similar too, I went almost crazy because thoughts were taking hold of all my time, so much that I could not have a normal conversation because I would listen something referred to homosexuality, being it my main thought. But now I am almost out of it. I still do not know what I am, if I am gay, straight or whatever and I do not care not knowing, I just want to discover. When you see a men or a women try not to panic but just feel natural, do not worry if what you are doing is gay or not, just act naturally and enjoy the moment. The best way to get out of this is to put your thoughts in a constructive way. To me it helped very much planning to go to a gay club and meet gay people, this forum also helped me. Maybe just try to discover your sexuality, try to meet gay people and see what happens. Do not overanalize or test too much, it does not help knowing who you are, just act naturally and you'll discover who you are, because you can not avoid it. This is also what I am trying to do.
